Neurologist and I aren't on the same page

So I really like our new neurologist. She's kind, she listens to me. She wants to start CBIT with me and my daughter and I'm ok with this. I've done some research on it and I think it might help me a lot. I mean it couldn't hurt. None of my past doctors have even suggested this for me to try. So we'll start next week after our vacation.

No here's my issue. We've been working with our daughter on learning skills to cope with changes. It's important for her to be able to handle them. We have a plan in place and I think it's working well. It's a slow process but she's handled all the changes well.

But again today she asked about being able to see my daughter at her worst moment. Very stressed and with our her sensory bag or air pods. I again very strongly told her no. I told her about the last time my daughter had a meltdown. How bad it was and how long it took her to recover physically and mentally from that. So basically I said there was no way in hell I'd let her get that upset on purpose.

She tried to argue her reasons for seeing her do this a few more times and finally moved on.

Am I wrong for not wanting to allow my daughter to get that upset on purpose. I just can't knowingly allow this to happen. Is she right, is this something she needs to see in person. Shouldn't my first hand experience and telling her the details be enough.

Like I said I like her, she's the first person that is willing to help me. Maybe she is a good fit for me but not my daughter.

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LadyGrace ·

I honestly think the doctor knows exactly what she's doing and she needs to make certain observations so it will enable her to better help your daughter in the long run. I would also be careful what I say about this process that you disagree with, around your daughter, no matter who you're talking to because that could potentially harm her progress and make her fearful. Kids pick up on that real quick. You and I don't understand everything these doctors do because we're not trained or understand the best of the processes needed to ensure successful treatment. When it comes down to it none of us like change and that's not good because it takes change to get better. That's what I would keep in mind.

I think you should trust that process because you have to remember, you and I are not physicians and they take training and they know exactly what it will take to get a person well and moving forward. I would just trust that process. You could actually be holding her back but sometimes we have to go through the hard things in order to make a breakthrough. She seems to know what she's doing and why. I also feel she knows what's best for your daughter even though it's hard to go through. But whatever treatment she takes, I don't think you should be in the room. That will distract her and sort of give her a crutch or maybe even an excuse to complain she doesn't want that type therapy. Children are sensitive and will sometimes use excuses to pull their parents' strings.

The doctor cannot get your daughter used to different settings if she's not exposed to it and she can help her get through that and all the changes. That's what she's trying to accomplish, so I wouldn't hold her back.

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Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@LadyGrace first I want to say thank you for being honest with your feelings but I feel I need to clear up that my daughter does not have tantrums. She is on the spectrum, has sensory processing issues and OCD. Her meltdown are more like panic attack and she is overwhelmed and overstimulated. They are not in her control. Over the years we've learned ways to help her cope and deal with these issues. So getting her to have one at the office would take a lot of work and stress. But maybe you are right maybe her doctor does need to see her get pushed past that limit. I know how it feels to be so lost that you can't control what you are doing or feeling. It's just so hard and I don't want my daughter to feel like that again.

LadyGrace ·

@Cigarguy101 oh, okay. I'm sorry I had that part wrong. I still think she's a good doctor though. I think she can help your daughter. Just give her a few months and see if you see any changes and if you don't then you can reassess but I would give her a chance. Also things don't happen overnight. I'll sure keep you in my prayers and your daughter.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@LadyGrace don't feel bad I appreciate your advice and I know you are right on many things you suggested to me. It means alot that you care enough to help me. It's a real struggle for me. I want to do the very best I can to help her and I know it's not easy. There isn't a hand book on how to raise a child with her needs and maybe I am being over protective. I don't know. I know it will take time. Each day we reach a new goal for her I'm so proud. It's not easy. And I know I let my own struggles and failures impact what we do with her. I don't want her to know my pain that I went through at her age. I want her to get the help she needs so she can be better than me.

LadyGrace ·

I forgot to mention that when you think about it, no kid likes change. They always want their way. And if they keep getting their way, wait till they get to be a teenager and they will really be a problem to society because if they don't get their way they could change into being a big bully or even hurting people. They need to respect authority, including yourself. Where there's no boundaries, there's no progress and it can end in disaster. I've seen it before. They might throw a fit 50 times but sooner or later they'll see that throwing a fit gets them nowhere because there's no reward. Just sitting in a room quietly without being harmed, until they calm down. It might take 80 times but it should be done so they no they can't have their way every time they want it.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@LadyGrace my daughter is a great did. She is polite, respects people and doesn't have fits because she's trying to get her way. Because of her needs she becomes so overwhelmed she has something pretty close to an panic attack. They don't happen very often. I'm not sure if you read my post about the last one she did have. I feel you wouldn't say that if she was an adult having a panic attack.

4meAndyou · F

Maybe she can observe things, with her background and education, that you are unable to relay to her verbally.

I don't know. I DO know that you are so used to protecting your daughter from her condition that you can't stop.

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Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@4meAndyou the kids are good in the car and we have lots of stops planned along the way.

4meAndyou · F

@Cigarguy101 It will be wonderful. When you get home you will wow us all with tales of your adventures!

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@4meAndyou lol I'll do my best

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