Neurologist and I aren't on the same page

So I really like our new neurologist. She's kind, she listens to me. She wants to start CBIT with me and my daughter and I'm ok with this. I've done some research on it and I think it might help me a lot. I mean it couldn't hurt. None of my past doctors have even suggested this for me to try. So we'll start next week after our vacation.

No here's my issue. We've been working with our daughter on learning skills to cope with changes. It's important for her to be able to handle them. We have a plan in place and I think it's working well. It's a slow process but she's handled all the changes well.

But again today she asked about being able to see my daughter at her worst moment. Very stressed and with our her sensory bag or air pods. I again very strongly told her no. I told her about the last time my daughter had a meltdown. How bad it was and how long it took her to recover physically and mentally from that. So basically I said there was no way in hell I'd let her get that upset on purpose.

She tried to argue her reasons for seeing her do this a few more times and finally moved on.

Am I wrong for not wanting to allow my daughter to get that upset on purpose. I just can't knowingly allow this to happen. Is she right, is this something she needs to see in person. Shouldn't my first hand experience and telling her the details be enough.

Like I said I like her, she's the first person that is willing to help me. Maybe she is a good fit for me but not my daughter.

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LadyGrace ·

I honestly think the doctor knows exactly what she's doing and she needs to make certain observations so it will enable her to better help your daughter in the long run. I would also be careful what I say about this process that you disagree with, around your daughter, no matter who you're talking to because that could potentially harm her progress and make her fearful. Kids pick up on that real quick. You and I don't understand everything these doctors do because we're not trained or understand the best of the processes needed to ensure successful treatment. When it comes down to it none of us like change and that's not good because it takes change to get better. That's what I would keep in mind.

I think you should trust that process because you have to remember, you and I are not physicians and they take training and they know exactly what it will take to get a person well and moving forward. I would just trust that process. You could actually be holding her back but sometimes we have to go through the hard things in order to make a breakthrough. She seems to know what she's doing and why. I also feel she knows what's best for your daughter even though it's hard to go through. But whatever treatment she takes, I don't think you should be in the room. That will distract her and sort of give her a crutch or maybe even an excuse to complain she doesn't want that type therapy. Children are sensitive and will sometimes use excuses to pull their parents' strings.

The doctor cannot get your daughter used to different settings if she's not exposed to it and she can help her get through that and all the changes. That's what she's trying to accomplish, so I wouldn't hold her back.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@LadyGrace that all makes sense to me but I just can't make myself understand why making her have a complete meltdown in her office is a good thing.

She's making progress, it's slow but it's progress.

Her last meltdown was so bad. She screamed, she cried, she hit herself, she hit me, she pulled her hair until the meds I shoved down her throat kicked in and knocked her out. This is why I don't want to trigger a meltdown in her office. Id have to carry her out of their. She'd be out for hours.

LadyGrace ·

@Cigarguy101 well we can't label it as a good thing I mean but it's a necessary thing. She has her reasons for it I'm sure. Just try this once to trust her and then judge her by the outcome. I think that would be fair and if it doesn't work out well and that means after she's finished with the treatment not just one time but whatever it takes to try to help your daughter, then you can better judge it if it was good or not.

Your daughter's tantrums could be where a child will test their parents cuz they don't want to adjust to authority either and they see what they can get by with. Sometimes it takes a tantrum to see the change is better. She's fighting it too and when she calms down finally and sees that maybe she's not going to get her way, then progress can begin. It's like having a boil. That boils just going to get worse and worse instead of being healed, unless we let it come to a full boil to where it needs to be popped and then it can heal. I wouldn't fight this with the doctor. Meltdowns sometimes need to happen before we can heal.

LadyGrace ·

@Cigarguy101 sometimes it takes tough love as well. When she starts to throw a tantrum I mean she might be used to getting her way all the time and now she's throwing a tantrum cuz she doesn't like to change. Now that's a possibility. If she starts to throw a tantrum you might have to exercise what they call tough love and tell her that she's going to sit in her room and think about it and when she calms down she can come out. That's not cruel and that's not mean. You haven't touched her and you haven't spanked her. Then she'll see she can't get by with these tantrums. All I'm saying is she could be trying you because she's always gotten her way. That's something to consider. She's naturally going to throw a tantrum every time there's something she doesn't like so she needs to change that behavior. The doctor can help her do that. I'm not saying she's a bad kid, but sometimes children can take advantage and they know which buttons to push. She needs to learn now that she can't have her way all the time even though she does have a disability. I see many kids with disabilities and they do not throw tantrums.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@LadyGrace first I want to say thank you for being honest with your feelings but I feel I need to clear up that my daughter does not have tantrums. She is on the spectrum, has sensory processing issues and OCD. Her meltdown are more like panic attack and she is overwhelmed and overstimulated. They are not in her control. Over the years we've learned ways to help her cope and deal with these issues. So getting her to have one at the office would take a lot of work and stress. But maybe you are right maybe her doctor does need to see her get pushed past that limit. I know how it feels to be so lost that you can't control what you are doing or feeling. It's just so hard and I don't want my daughter to feel like that again.

LadyGrace ·

@Cigarguy101 oh, okay. I'm sorry I had that part wrong. I still think she's a good doctor though. I think she can help your daughter. Just give her a few months and see if you see any changes and if you don't then you can reassess but I would give her a chance. Also things don't happen overnight. I'll sure keep you in my prayers and your daughter.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@LadyGrace don't feel bad I appreciate your advice and I know you are right on many things you suggested to me. It means alot that you care enough to help me. It's a real struggle for me. I want to do the very best I can to help her and I know it's not easy. There isn't a hand book on how to raise a child with her needs and maybe I am being over protective. I don't know. I know it will take time. Each day we reach a new goal for her I'm so proud. It's not easy. And I know I let my own struggles and failures impact what we do with her. I don't want her to know my pain that I went through at her age. I want her to get the help she needs so she can be better than me.