The Mental Wellness Thread. 🦋

3 months ago, I went through a very dark time… I was just coming out of a pretty bad mental health episode and had a very traumatic life event. Desperation apparently led to inspiration, as I was so low that I finally got real honest with my psychiatrist, and let him know just how close to a full psychotic break I was. He decided we should look at my main psych med as maybe it wasn’t working. He decided a newer med might work better. In all reality, the one I was on never worked all that well but it had barely made things manageable and I was scared of going back to a long term ward, so I would just lie to them. That was just over two months ago and what a difference it has made. I’m not gonna say it fixed me, my problems are the forever kind, but they are truly manageable now. I very rarely have to take as needed Benzo’s now, and my quality of life has improved so much. I have not self harmed or starved myself for over two months now. That may not seem like much but to someone like me it’s a big deal and a very good start. Here’s me wishing the best of luck and success to all of you in your journeys towards Mental Wellness, but just know that if you are still in the dark… there is a still a light, and things can get better even if they feel hopeless and you feel helpless now. Please keep fighting. We can’t afford to lose any more of us to this horrible disease.

I wish more people understood that social anxiety doesn't mean that I'm stuck up or haughty. It's quite crippling at times.

My mental health issues are a combination of depression, alcoholism and lower self esteem (probably linked to my sexuality and the fact that I'm a closeted gay man married to a woman in a sexless marriage).
Last night I finished off a bottle of dark rum, and got drunk in the process....it felt good, and I got horny and browsed some gay porn. It was enough to feel loose without being totally out of control. Had I had another bottle of alcohol, I might have gotten really wasted and been hungover this morning....my problem with alcohol is knowing when to stop when I get to the point of being drunk.
I've been drunk less often over the past several months, but I still struggle with my addiction and I don't know if I'll ever really overcome it

Today was kind of up and down. I really don’t know where I’m at right now. I don’t want to “harm myself,” but I really don’t like myself much either. I just wish I was a better person… someone who was worth a fuck. My therapist’s challenge for this week was to like myself… somehow. Even something small. I’m gonna fail again. Oh well.

I’m actually kind of proud of myself. I had a couple of pretty dark days, and I didn’t fall back into unhealthy coping. Baby steps.

Today was kinda of a crazy day. I had a conversation on here about anorexia which triggered me a bit. Both my anorexia and my self harm stuff. I didn’t starve or cut but I wanted to. Wanted to bad. People don’t really understand the compulsion. I get it, I’m a freak. I also am stressing the wedding plans. And part of me just thinks that I’m still not worth her time at all. Someday, I want to believe that I’m not just trash. Apparently, that day is not today. 🖤

I’m about to reset the clock. Fuck recovery.

My Day yesterday.

Having a certain amount of anxiety due to wedding planning, moving to the country, and my soon to be wife graduating and starting her career. These are all good things but is is a lot and happening very quickly, so is making my anxiety act up. Last few days, I’ve had trouble with sleeping, so that always plays a little havoc on my mental health. Still doing okay for the most part, just worrying but it hasn’t manifested into any of my real bad issues, so I’m still grateful. 🖤

Today was a bad day. I fucked up pretty bad. Im very ashamed of my actions. I feel very alone & out of control & not feeling safe at the moment.

I hope everyone else is having a good day

Just wanted to say, thanks for posting this.
I recently struggled with some depression and sorrow last weekend in a way that I haven't in a very long time. It scared me a bit, because somehow I'd forgotten what it's like to sink into that pit. It's much darker and harder to climb out of then I remembered

I think it's good to have a place where anyone is welcome to share and people can be supportive and kind if they need it rather then dismissing mental wellness. So I really really like this. And I wish everyone who stops by here much patience, kindness and luck in navigating their unique struggles to reach their mental health goals. 🤗

This week has been interesting. I’ve struggled a little to not step back into old habits but so far, so good. I’m really anxious about the upcoming wedding and something I suggested we do and now I’m struggling with it. I don’t know why I’m so stupid and inconsistent. Ugh.

I’m okay, I guess. My wife had to go to the ER yesterday for an EKG and a CT. I’m just out of sorts. She’s everything.

Like the song says it's been a long and winding road ,even in your darkest hours you reached out to help me . We made it ,together. I'm so proud to have been able to travel that dark road with you beside me.

221 one days, and it’s fingertips. I don’t think I make it to 222. Oh well. I’m a loser.

I’m tired of being unloveable. I wish I could meet someone who really cared for me in a close way. Like family. I’m jealous of people with even one person. I’m fighting the bitterness because I definitely don’t want to become that person. If I could just have a break. If I could just cry when I needed to. But I’m thankful I’m learning how to live without. I’m not mad about strong it’s made me, but somedays, just one person…. 😞

Thanks for having this.

I suffer from crippling social anxiety, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia and depression. I feel misunderstood by nearly everyone. I dont think most people would know what its like to be imprisoned by your fears day in day out like i am. .. I hate feeling so isolated most of the time. I can only connect with people online, in real life im too scared to even approach them. I never attend birthdays, or family/in-law gatherings as i dont want to be seen or have to talk to anyone. I am trying to learn to like myself but its very hard.. mental illness ruined my life pretty much i wish i didnt suffer with it.

This week I hit 1 year of being in CODA. I might've taken my time to start working steps of recovery, but I'm still at it 😊 and it's done wonders for my personal growth.

Today is Day 5, and I'm feeling really good about eating right now, so I wanted to just say that to anybody in the universe...because I have not been good about eating for at least six months. I was slowly going back to my habit of eating one meal a day, or sometimes just a few bites, or no meals at all for days at time until the weekend, and then I would eat alot!
I made a promise to get better at eating, and I need to work on it again. I have hope to get to day 100 or more!

Been Depressed lately; it's wierd how people think because you retain a sense of humor you must not be that depressed 😑

Been in a mental health hospital for nearly 3 months now...I think...times all blurring. I'm getting better slowly but still struggling with my suicidal thoughts that's why I'm still here. Attempt 4 came far too close to succeeding and have had a lot of breakdowns not as bad as when I first got brought in but still happening. Still a danger to myself and I understand why I'm monitored so closely but it gets to the point of feeling constantly under a microscope every admittance of feeling suicidal or low is met with a stare filled with red flags then back under suicide watch
This is a hell of my own making.

Struggling again but reached out to my Drs and let them know.

"I'm scared I might hurt myself"
A big step for me reaching out before any attempt to hurt myself. Been put back on suicide watch which is a pain but the alternative though unlikely is not good still.

I may only have 114 days self harm free, and i really hope that was enough because i dont see me making it to 115 unless i pass out soon

I am losing a battle with my mind today, and I am afraid I will not be able to resist the temptation to feel some release

Yesterday was the hardest day to not relapse into self harm and cutting since I quit. It was a struggle the whole damn day, but I never did. Seconds at a time, minutes, and hours… one at a time, I slowly struggled through it. Probably mostly stay off here today. Anyone that knows me well, knows Valentine’s Day is not a real good day for me. Too much wreckage of the past. Be safe and be well, to any of you that read this. Light and love.

I did my best today. I just kind of suck. I stressed out bad, and had to take Xanax. I hate being fucked up. I didn’t cut or starve, but Xanax is a lose in my book. Sucks.

12 days until I say I do. I love her with my entire being, but I’m not sure it’s fair to ask her to stay hitched to my shit and my problems, until death do us part. It’s honestly what keeps me up at night. Ugh.

I hope everyone has a good day today

Darkheaven sent me a message to let me know she’s okay but she can’t be here right now.

There were a lot of tears in therapy today.
I know I need to take some hard actions to move forward in my life but I've been just frozen. I hate it.

Not good.

I feel good today. I never forget to be grateful for the good days. Plus, it’s my fiancée’s birthday. 😊

Finally finished. We’re getting married tomorrow, so nothing like waiting to the last minute. Ha ha. 😅 This was really super hard for me. So excited now.

https://similarworlds.com/thoughts/personal-feelings/4571557-Finally-finished-it-my-vow-my-vow-my-baby-my-lover

I've been struggling to do anything lately even going to the gym and i really enjoy working out. I don't know i'll probably go tonight. Thanks for the motivation. 🌑🌈

Just wanted to stop by and say "Welcome back". From your comment below it sounds like things have improved. I'm so very happy to hear that. 🥰 😄

[media=https://youtu.be/7N9r8nVogM8]

This is one beautiful idea…. Feels like a group therapy session…

Well done beautiful lady … 🤗🤗🌹

Today is weird. Was pretty good day. But now at the end of it, I feel guilty for having a pretty good day. WTF is wrong with me? I know this isn’t normal thinking.