The Mental Wellness Thread. 🦋

A safe thread to share the experiences, struggles, and hopefully victories from and through Mental Illness. 🌸

Anyone may join. Post anything daily or as you need about your journey through Mental Illness and also feel free to share any trials and successes in regards to unhealthy coping skills (ie self harm, starving, flushing meds, ect. [just please no graphic specifics as it can be very triggering]) Just a safe place to share stuff without ridicule or shame. Where we can support each other with positivity, kindness, and also compassion. 🖤

Everyone is welcome to use this thread to talk about issues they’ve had with Mental Illness and struggles for Mental Wellness. 🦋

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JustGoneNow

My Day yesterday.

Having a certain amount of anxiety due to wedding planning, moving to the country, and my soon to be wife graduating and starting her career. These are all good things but is is a lot and happening very quickly, so is making my anxiety act up. Last few days, I’ve had trouble with sleeping, so that always plays a little havoc on my mental health. Still doing okay for the most part, just worrying but it hasn’t manifested into any of my real bad issues, so I’m still grateful. 🖤

OldBrit · 61-69, M

@JustGoneNow just to identify. My biggest benders and periods of abusing alcohol were good times. My last bender triggered by a text from my wife saying that we could "celebrate".

I always (still do frankly) felt unworthy of any success and therefore those good times triggered a need to numb the feelings of anxiety, unworthiness, self hatred etc

Now good times is when I place more emphasis on my programmes self maintainance steps to be safe.

Be safe and be kind to yourself.

JustGoneNow

@OldBrit yeah, I get that. For me, it’s a combination of anxiety for the next shoe to drop because I feel like the good never lasts and self sabotage because I don’t feel like I really deserve it either. It’s an unhealthy mix of mess that’s me.

OldBrit · 61-69, M

@JustGoneNow very similar to myself. 🤗

JustGoneNow

@OldBrit I was actually talking about the whys of this with my regular therapist… as she thinks, it’s been a learned response to certain triggers but if I can understand the whys, then maybe I can re-program my brain or whatever. I think that for the longest time my life was so chaotic, that most of my good times revolved around my manic phases… like an addict but to my own hormones and adrenaline… and would happen before a deep depression crash, so my mind has begun to associate the two as partners. It’s most likely gonna take a long while to get my mind and body to understand that normally good times aren’t in front of a crash or episode (so there’s no shoe to drop,) that good times are okay to have, and toughest of all… that I deserve them, because I’ve done a lot of shit that I feel guilty for in the grips of my disease… and I get that many times I was not really in a rational state of mind due to my mental illness… but that doesn’t make me feel any less that I should have to pay for my all of my wrongs and sins.

JustGoneNow

@OldBrit I don’t know if that makes any sense but…

OldBrit · 61-69, M

@JustGoneNow I get it.

I never have solved the imposter thing

JustGoneNow

@OldBrit imposter?

OldBrit · 61-69, M

@JustGoneNow imposter syndrome.

I remember telling a therapist it wasn't a syndrome with me I was genuinely the imposter

JustGoneNow

@OldBrit oh, woah. I’m reading about it and I’m sure I got that too. I’d just never heard of it and I’ve been in therapies for over 16 years now. I got so much shit wrong, they probably just didn’t want to throw anything else in there. lol

JustGoneNow

@OldBrit At least now, I feel like I got a path forward. Baby steps is still steps. And small steps equal big change over time.