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For those who didn't experience love growing up ..

Do you feel that affects how you view love now?

Do you believe you don't deserve it because of the lack of it as a child?😢💗😟
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Miram · 31-35, F
I don't seek it out.

So I sometimes fail to relate to other people who crave it , though we all had traumatic pasts.

I also fail to respond to love by accepting it. I don't think " I don't deserve it" . I just don't know how to reacte correctly. I am more comfortable with negative feelings and have issues trusting love. I think most people's love is fickle.

I also don't like how most love isn't good enough to incite people to do the right thing for everyone. Their love is selfish, short lived..Feelings alone aren't good enough.
basilfawlty89 · 36-40, M
@Miram you've bee through so much. I'm glad you don't think you don't deserve love, because if there's anyone who does it's definitely you.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@Miram I wish we could feel warm and open about love. And trust it. I don't trust myself...I feel most only offer it in a very conditional way, and when I already feel less than others, there's no narrative where I feel love can be a part of my life. I know this is a lot of what trauma inside believes though ... It will spin everything negative whenever possible, and my mind believes it. I agree that many seem to have love that is selfish and a very instant gratification foundation. 😢
Miram · 31-35, F
@basilfawlty89 I think everyone deserves love. But not everyone has to love everyone.

And it is more important to be able to love than to be loved. The two can be linked but they don't depend on each other , like most people tend to believe.

@Coralmist Yes. I am not really certain that "conditional " love is wrong. It would depend on the nature of those conditions and the extent of its passiveness which is incredibly disproportionate these days with actions for most people.

It is not even their own fault alone to be honest.

It is how we built our world and how we all contribute to it and benefit from it ,in ways that are inferior compared to the alternative potential. We know things should be better. We know this because in the depth of our depths we can experience a great deal of love/good/compassion...etc And we can (most of us) refer to it in certain situations.

But we humans like comfort and avoid change, and the cost that comes with change since short term gains are prioritized over long term ones. And there is so much uncertainty if we are to change economic and social structures that aren't self-driven.
Sazzio · 36-40, M
I do deserve it but am not able to show love or any other happy emotions due to not being loved.

I usually think negative and someone doing me a favour? I always think whas in it for them? I feel used even though they're helping me. When doing any tasks I feel incompetent. My Counsellor said "It sounds like your mind and body are outta synch" SHE'S RIGHT! But question is, what activities can I do to get both in synch???

Going off topic a bit incase you or anyone reading are in the same boat.
zonavar68 · 56-60, M
From an adult/romantic/sexual persective absolutely definitely I feel that a huge lack of love and empathy from my parents that divorced when I was 12 has contributed to my neuro-divergency flaring in maturity and making me doubt whether I'm both capable of and worthy of adult love.

The two relationships I had that self-destructed for different reasons haven't helped as I don't feel they gave me any positive boost to my self-worth/esteem/confidence.
GerOttman · 61-69, M
I'm sure my parents thought what they were doing was love. Maybe I was just a difficult child? (hint.. I was!)

It does affect my personality and relationships. Not just with my wife, how we found each other and how good we are together still boggles my mind.

I don't make long term friends easily, always kind of a loner. I'd have made a good cowboy I think.
I used to believe I didn't deserve it and I still get those old feelings when I'm really low. I have taught myself something different over the years though.

At this point, I'm cool if it happens or if it doesn't. I learned to like myself and built from there. I definitely don't go chasing it. Don't even think about it. I have a kid and a dog and that's all the love I need.
Adogslife · 61-69, M
I work every day to be kind and supportive. I don’t think love has been natural for me for most of my life. But, the struggle to give and receive has gotten much better over time.

But, deep down, you never lose the disassociation from being disowned or disinherited. Love just builds a big smile to cover up the scars.
Wiseacre · F
I’m a little cynical about love. But I was lucky I had a nice nanny who took good care of me, and later a coach thru my teens who was exceptional. I think I was lucky. I feel I am worthy of love, but I’m not a romantic.
kodiac · 22-25, M
Love is a very dangerous thing ,growing up i was so desperate for it that i let myself be hurt over and over . I loved people that never loved me back ,people that used me . The few times it did seem to be coming back those people got hurt in one way or another caring about me was a dangerous thing . Now it's really hard for me to even type the word, to me love means fear and pain .
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@kodiac I think you experienced a model of love that was not rooted in your need as a child...it was something that was a tool, not authentic. I guess the key is realizing how you or I experienced love was the Wrong model ....that it does exist in a caring, selfless way...we just have not been a part of what most have🥺
kodiac · 22-25, M
@Coralmist Agreed🩵
akindheart · 61-69, F
Absolutely affected me and still does. I had something heartbreaking happen-I got ghosted and i wondered why..
hunkalove · 70-79, M
My parents never touched me except to hit me. I'm very aware in my old age how much I avoid touching or being touched.
Wiseacre · F
@hunkalove my father was like that.
Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M
With my children yes, I do everything in my power to make sure they felt they way I did growing up.
This message was deleted by its author.
zonavar68 · 56-60, M
@WonderGirl Not quite. Your cat(s) own you! To you they are like gods in their eyes.
WowwGirl · 36-40, F
It made me have apathy way too soon.
DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F
Love isn't meant for me. Even my parents don't love me.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@DearAmbellina2113 I think it means you deserve it all the more🪻
Wiseacre · F
@DearAmbellina2113 understood, but it’s faulty thinking. Not loving u is THEIR problem, not urs.
espns2025 · 46-50, M
I feel I need the discipline that I never got growing up
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
Let me ask you a challenging theoretical question.
You meet someone.
The chemistry is there.
It's undeniable.

Do you accept the person or push them away?
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
@zonavar68 I think I get that. Meeting someone is quite a rush. It's 15+ years ago for me and I still remember it.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@uncalled4 I very well could push them away, feeling they'll eventually see how broken I am. Having several issues doesn't make one feel like a catch unfortunately 😧
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
@Coralmist We have to get you to accept it. Stay focused and you'll get there.
Whyme · 46-50, M
I don’t buy this to me it goes along with the daddy didn’t love me and the everyone is a narcassist b.s that gets thrown around by weak people tha don’t want to accept any accountability
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@Whyme I do think if you had next to no love at all as a child, that's neglect and stays with someone as trauma. Unfortunately some kids get the opposite of any love..just violence or hate. It's because of that foundation for years I don't feel I even deserve love. Even though I want a romantic parner, I think, how could they ever stay with me if they find out my background?
I do agree some people throw around the word narcissist .
Whyme · 46-50, M
@Coralmist I think there’s no black and white every situation is different and effects different to different people but also feel labels and the blame train don’t help anyone and some buzz words like I mentioned are way overused and accountability is a thing of the past im sorry you feel tha way and I’ve been watching you get some horrable vehicle advice lol

 
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