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I’m honestly so tired and idk what to do

Sorry if this is a burden to anyone, if you don’t wanna hear someone complain please just skip.
I’m 19 and life just feels so scary yet set in stone at the same time.
I just recently signed off on my first job apprenticeship for the next 3 years because I genuinely don’t know what else to do, knowing that a dream job doesn’t exist for me because my dream job is any job that pays as much as possible with as little work as possible so I can enjoy my free time.
I’m at an art school (so to speak) currently and I dislike being there so much, I was always the odd one out but not finding comfort in an art school was just a little too much for me I guess, also I feel like it has sucked my desire to draw and express myself right out of me so I resorted to reading and writing. Anyway, I don’t have friends there other than the two people I sit next to who always make me feel like they’re tolerating and not appreciating my presence and I miss my bestie.
As if that wasn’t enough, I’m going through a friendship breakup and it just hurts.
Also seeing people romanticise being lonely when it truly gets to you at some point doesn’t help either, it hurts that they have a choice while you simply don’t.
Oh also I don’t wanna date men but still do but that’s a topic for another post lol
Idk why I’m rambling on about this, I guess things just get too much and I need to vent somewhere and this place seems rather quiet so thanks for reading.
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
Sounds to me like you're working out that life isn't how you thought it would be.
Fair comment.
But it's a FACT that we ALL come to REALIZE at some point.

If drawing is your thing maybe you just need a peer group to belong to not a college or art school environment which is going to have attainment and study levels that won't hold your interest.

Try looking through your local paper or nearest community art website.
Post these kinds of questions on those kinds of sites.

Go to your local library. Those places are a mine of information about community projects and local artists.
See if those guys have websites or info. forums where you can ask advice from people working professionally.

When it comes to jobs, nothing is sacred anymore
Few of us are working our dream jobs basically because whatever pays the rent is about as much as we can hope for in this post-covid-politically f🤬 up period in our history.
So maybe it's a case of doing what you need to to keep the bills paid while you acquire experience; knowledge; understanding of your craft.
Then if by chance your dream job appears, you'll have a prepared portfolio showing your understanding and progression as you've gone on.
spencer6 · 18-21, F
@Picklebobble2 thanks for the honest reply and I know and I think it’s sad that this is how the world works nowadays, I don’t care too much about politics because it all boils down to the same thing, I just want regular people to be able to afford anything they need, that’s not too much to ask for, is it? And well, thanks for the recommendation with the artist community because I might just do that, maybe even online so we can all have fun and share progress without the constant comparison and harsh criticism, have a great day and thanks for your time
I’m still going through this and im 23. Working for the rest of my life until I turn 65 does not sound appealing to me at all. And I’m having a hard time getting all my homework assignments done in all of my classes because I have just mentally checked out at this point. this is not what I wanna do with my life but I’m only working towards a degree as a safety net put in place for the future. I fear that I’m gonna get this degree and end up being part of the middle class. And so all that bullsh!t I was put through in college went to nothing. And so I don’t like the idea of working for somebody else. That’s why I’m trying to start my own business but it’s hard
spencer6 · 18-21, F
@TurtleEclipseOfTheHeart yeah, I’ve mentally checked out too, it’s just not worth it tbh, most of the things you learn at school just aren’t useful later on which is quite sad if you think about it. And well I’m thinking about selling my art as a side hustle to see if it works at all but I like having a safe job with fixed hours so I don’t have to worry about it making any money, wishing you the best for setting up your business and finishing college, also ending up in middle class isn’t the worst if you budget correctly but I understand your worries
NerdySoph · 26-30, F
Venting is good. Writing it out really helps. Good on you to do that. Hang in there
NerdySoph · 26-30, F
@Queendragonfly Great minds :) Hi
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F
@NerdySoph Helluw ☺️
spencer6 · 18-21, F
@NerdySoph thank you, best wishes
MarkPaul · 26-30, M
Let's summarize...

1. You have secured an apprentice, but it's not your "dream job," so you feel lost.
2. It's not your dream job because it doesn't pay as much as possible and give you the maximum amount of time off.
3. You're in art school by choice because you like to draw... but not anymore.
4. You have friends there, but you feel like they don't appreciate your presence.
5. You resent people who "romanticize being lonely" because you don't like being lonely.
6. You want to date (men), but don't.
7. You don't know why you are rambling, but you are.

Attention: High Maintenance Alert 📢>>> This is a high maintenance alert. That is all.
spencer6 · 18-21, F
@MarkPaul thanks for the summary but about the dream job, I truly mean it. The apprenticeship is the best thing I could do because other than being a rich dads daughter and working at his company but not really working, there truly is no other job that has as many amounts of benefits and while I do want to work, I genuinely can’t think of a job that truly would fulfil me so instead of trying to find such job that most likely doesn’t exist because it’s work after all no matter how you look at it, I think I made the best choice given my circumstances and possibilities, the issue is just that I wonder what else there could be, more hypothetically than having an actual interest in taking those possibilities and chances because I know they probably wouldn’t benefit me in the long run
Soph03 · 18-21, F
It's so normal to feel lost at this stage of ❤️ 2 years ago I was in the same position but was able to get the most from an apprenticeship 😊 what's the apprenticeship in?
Soph03 · 18-21, F
@spencer6 well that's an important role that will probably give you a lot of time in the evening to follow your passion 👍 mine was in baking which was one of they few courses I qualified for. I hadn't much of an interest but I learned to enjoy it!
spencer6 · 18-21, F
@Soph03 yeah, the reason I picked it is because it will allow me to work stable hours, if I want to continue with art I won’t have to rely on it making me an income so I won’t worry or burn myself out and baking sounds really interesting, I’m fascinated by any handmade skills considering how useful they are, amazing
Soph03 · 18-21, F
@spencer6 I think your logic is good. Try to enjoy the apprenticeship but always think about a side business or passion you can pursue
Convivial · 26-30, F
It's all rather confusing and appears daunting when you're young... But like walking, you just keep putting one foot in front of the other till you reach your destination... It does get easier and make more sense.

The one truism is never give up!
spencer6 · 18-21, F
@Convivial thank you for the kind words, hope you have a nice day
Convivial · 26-30, F
@spencer6 thanks... You too...
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
It's like that in patches throughout life. You gotta try things out and find out what works and what doesn't before you figure anything out.

We can't always control things, but we can control what we do going forward. It's fine feeling sad, but you gotta be your best friend and supporter.

Also fuck being a burden to anyone 🤷 don't have that attitude about yourself, other people are as lost if not more than you, some of us just have wisdom to share.
You're fuckin awesome secretly even if you don't say so, you gotta decide you are.

You do you, fuck what others don't appreciate you'll do better. You'll never meet a hater doing better than you, remember that.
spencer6 · 18-21, F
@Ryannnnnn yeah that makes sense, thank you
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spencer6 · 18-21, F
@SandWitch thanks for explaining the system, I think it’s so kind from all of the slighter older people than I am with more experience to share everything they know, I’ve watched videos and explanations on finances and businesses and art businesses in particular but the issue is within the market, there are simply way too many artists way above my skill level and they are struggling too, so for now I’m trying to improve and I already have a niche in mind to cater to to gain an audience but it’s sadly luck depended with social media sometimes but giving up is not an option and I hope you have a nice day
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