I’m honestly so tired and idk what to do

Sorry if this is a burden to anyone, if you don’t wanna hear someone complain please just skip.
I’m 19 and life just feels so scary yet set in stone at the same time.
I just recently signed off on my first job apprenticeship for the next 3 years because I genuinely don’t know what else to do, knowing that a dream job doesn’t exist for me because my dream job is any job that pays as much as possible with as little work as possible so I can enjoy my free time.
I’m at an art school (so to speak) currently and I dislike being there so much, I was always the odd one out but not finding comfort in an art school was just a little too much for me I guess, also I feel like it has sucked my desire to draw and express myself right out of me so I resorted to reading and writing. Anyway, I don’t have friends there other than the two people I sit next to who always make me feel like they’re tolerating and not appreciating my presence and I miss my bestie.
As if that wasn’t enough, I’m going through a friendship breakup and it just hurts.
Also seeing people romanticise being lonely when it truly gets to you at some point doesn’t help either, it hurts that they have a choice while you simply don’t.
Oh also I don’t wanna date men but still do but that’s a topic for another post lol
Idk why I’m rambling on about this, I guess things just get too much and I need to vent somewhere and this place seems rather quiet so thanks for reading.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

Sounds to me like you're working out that life isn't how you thought it would be.
Fair comment.
But it's a FACT that we ALL come to REALIZE at some point.

If drawing is your thing maybe you just need a peer group to belong to not a college or art school environment which is going to have attainment and study levels that won't hold your interest.

Try looking through your local paper or nearest community art website.
Post these kinds of questions on those kinds of sites.

Go to your local library. Those places are a mine of information about community projects and local artists.
See if those guys have websites or info. forums where you can ask advice from people working professionally.

When it comes to jobs, nothing is sacred anymore
Few of us are working our dream jobs basically because whatever pays the rent is about as much as we can hope for in this post-covid-politically f🤬 up period in our history.
So maybe it's a case of doing what you need to to keep the bills paid while you acquire experience; knowledge; understanding of your craft.
Then if by chance your dream job appears, you'll have a prepared portfolio showing your understanding and progression as you've gone on.

spencer6 · 18-21, F

@Picklebobble2 thanks for the honest reply and I know and I think it’s sad that this is how the world works nowadays, I don’t care too much about politics because it all boils down to the same thing, I just want regular people to be able to afford anything they need, that’s not too much to ask for, is it? And well, thanks for the recommendation with the artist community because I might just do that, maybe even online so we can all have fun and share progress without the constant comparison and harsh criticism, have a great day and thanks for your time