Struggles & Identity > Life

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I'm feeling all kind of self hatred right now

I feel so disappointed in myself because, even though I try to do my best... I always relapse.

And right now I'm incredibly stressed about everything going on in my life that I'm barely able to do anything... which adds to the stress and disappointment.

I tried to distract myself but my brain is on fire, so loud it makes my body recoil.

I am even ashamed to admit this because people go through worse things. But my brain wasn't able to stay still for the past few hours so I decided to write it.
I apologize for the negative energy.

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PerfectionOfTheHeart · 46-50, F

Never apologize for doing what you feel you need to to get to the next breath.

You may need a hard break from Life right now. A break that’ll help ease your mind and slow it down a little.

For some people it’s immersing themselves in nature to reset the mechanism, but everyone has their own palette cleanser to help take them out of their own head and shift focus to something else that can generate more light for them.

Whatever that is for you, lean into it and allow yourself to sit in it for a bit with no distractions and no pulls from the outside world.

Feel the air come into your lungs, and as you release your breath envision your concerns attached to each intentional exhale. Slow. Deep. Consistent exhales.

Let yourself take note of how your muscles begin to relax as you mind becomes lighter, and commend yourself for choosing peace over chaos.

It’s not a cure-all by any means, but it helps in the now that can feel so hard to just get through.

AoNoSora

@PerfectionOfTheHeart Nature is good. I never thought of it because I'm always overwhelmed.
I will try it.
Thank your for your time to write this message.

PerfectionOfTheHeart · 46-50, F

@AoNoSora My pleasure. Take care of yourself.

awildsheepschase

Hey.... just give yourself a helping hand in giving yourself a break.

I know and don't know how you feel but with some breathes you will come through.. and what you write now can be forgotten or remembered. Life is about choice even when you feel have none. :( It honestly sounds like you are more guilty of loving and caring than anything else ♥ Hugs, just say whatever is on your heart and mind it heals the spirit

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AoNoSora

@awildsheepschase It is shining through.
I appreciate it

awildsheepschase

@AoNoSora Thank you Sora. I have a feeling yours is shining through just as much, if not more. 😊

AoNoSora

@awildsheepschase
Thank you... 🥹🙏🏼

TheYawnArchive · 46-50, M

Better honest negative energy than toxic optimism. Hope things get better for you, have moments of calm where you can reflect, and make it habitual for at first you may not get the benefits of such a practice that can take time, it's like reprogramming the mind.

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AoNoSora

@TheYawnArchive
I don't know what needs to change in me. Whenever I try to sneak my way out of this toxic mindset, something pulls me back and I start on hating myself again. I am being really toxic to myself at this very moment. And I am ashamed to admit it to people in order to seek help that's why I wrote in here where we are anonymous.
Thank you for listening to this.

TheYawnArchive · 46-50, M

@AoNoSora Wishing you the best 🤗

AoNoSora

@TheYawnArchive thank you

in10RjFox · M

even though I try to do my best... I always relapse.

What are you trying to do ? and why are trying to do your best instead of just normal ?

The problem is that you are in a conflict .. which Is like Teacher & Student / Warden & Warded .. It's like you are trying to pull yourself out of the quicksand you have fallen into, which is impossible.

So get help from someone who can pull you out

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in10RjFox · M

@AoNoSora This is the exact place for you to seek using the anonymity. Because nobody knows you in real life. Don't waste your time coming to peace with yourself. You can't .. You will only be in conflict once again, because you are doing something the wrong way or at wrong time. What you need now is a distraction...

It is just like a patient trying to cure oneself and not seeing a doctor.

AoNoSora

@in10RjFox
I don't know what is my 'seeing a doctor' in this situation.

in10RjFox · M

@AoNoSora I have dm you.

Zonuss · 46-50, M

Don't feel bad
Just keep fighting.
Just keep going.
If you really got something to live for then keep going. Don't let up and don't give up.
Good day.

AoNoSora

@Zonuss thank you. This is nice of you

lilylovesgaming1986 · 36-40, F

Do u ever masturbate it really helps with stress

AoNoSora

@lilylovesgaming1986 I believe it just makes it worse.

Allelse · 36-40, M

Relapse into what?

AoNoSora

I am having an addiction that also makes things worse on top of everything. So I relapse by falling into the trap of it.

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