I'm feeling all kind of self hatred right now

I feel so disappointed in myself because, even though I try to do my best... I always relapse.

And right now I'm incredibly stressed about everything going on in my life that I'm barely able to do anything... which adds to the stress and disappointment.

I tried to distract myself but my brain is on fire, so loud it makes my body recoil.

I am even ashamed to admit this because people go through worse things. But my brain wasn't able to stay still for the past few hours so I decided to write it.
I apologize for the negative energy.

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TheYawnArchive · 46-50, M

Better honest negative energy than toxic optimism. Hope things get better for you, have moments of calm where you can reflect, and make it habitual for at first you may not get the benefits of such a practice that can take time, it's like reprogramming the mind.

AoNoSora

@TheYawnArchive That's what Im trying to do but it s hard. My mind sucks me in the loophole.
I will keep trying
Thank you for accepting my negativity

TheYawnArchive · 46-50, M

@AoNoSora I believe there is a little bit of good news for you, that trying isn't what is needed, in fact i believe trying can complicate and keep one from the goal of relief, a different perspective is needed, which will take a minimal shift in regards to effort. I base this kind of approach from my understanding of the teacher Krishnamurti. He would say something like observe things without judgment. :)

AoNoSora

@TheYawnArchive
I don't know what needs to change in me. Whenever I try to sneak my way out of this toxic mindset, something pulls me back and I start on hating myself again. I am being really toxic to myself at this very moment. And I am ashamed to admit it to people in order to seek help that's why I wrote in here where we are anonymous.
Thank you for listening to this.

TheYawnArchive · 46-50, M

@AoNoSora Wishing you the best 🤗

AoNoSora

@TheYawnArchive thank you