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If someone intentionally did you dirty, would you be able to be friends later on?

It can be something as small as telling a little lie about you, gossiping about you, stealing something not very valuable from you, hiding secrets from you, or anything at all that isn’t in your favor.

Personally, if I know someone did something against me, I don’t think I can be their friend later down the line. It’s like if I can’t trust them with something small, then I sure as hell can’t trust them with something bigger.
Carissimi · 70-79, F
If it was intentional, then that’s malicious, and those kind are toxic and cannot be trusted. The younger me was very tolerant of abusive people, probably because I was brought up by a toxic person. The older and wiser I became, my tolerance diminished, until I have no tolerance at all, and have most likely over-corrected because of it.
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@Carissimi exactly. Talking from our experiences, it’s hard to trust people. We keep seeing the same patterns, so it’s easy not to tolerate people the next time around. Malicious is the perfect word. Allowing the malicious ones to stick around even if they messed up once is risky. One strike and they’re out.
Luckylu · 61-69, F
I cannot be friends with anyone who would do such things. I have been in such situations and it is hurtful. None of these could ever be explained away as unintentional or with good intentions. I have seen people who talk bad about someone behind their back and be as sweet as can be to their face. Even though their actions were not toward me that I witnessed, I could not be their friend from that day forward as the question always popped into my head whether they were doing the same things to me. I found out later they were. They are toxic human beings and should be avoided.
Magenta · F
IDK. I would need to actually be in the situation to determine that versus making wild predictions on some scenario.
Magenta · F
@SW-User I'm not into polygamy. 😄
SW-User
@Magenta oh I see. Trying to keep me all to yourself...
Magenta · F
@SW-User Of course, I don't share well. 😄😏
SW-User
A friend should be able to talk to you if there's something they don't understand or if they're in need. If they immediately engage in gossip or theft then clearly our bond is not one based on respect and understanding.
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
Betrayal is a deal breaker for me. I've tried being forgiving in the past, but they always just do it again.
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@Dethmoore good question. I'd say no, but if someone does things that could possibly hurt another, they're still not my kind of person.
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@AlchemyFox perfect! I was hoping for that response. People that are malicious aren’t my kind of people either. So in summary, being betrayed by people you trust hurts more. Therefore, it’s wise to be more selective in who we let in.
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@Dethmoore Agreed. I've learned that lesson over and over and now I keep to myself lol
SW-User
Depends how close we were and how I feel about them. We all make mistakes sometimes, the one thing I can't stand is if I apologize for my part in something and the other person accepts my apology then pretend they did nothing wrong themselves.. that makes me want to retract my own apology immedietly lmao! 🫣
SW-User
@Dethmoore Did you laugh at my post because it was inspired by my comment to you?
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@SW-User yeah, I have had childhood friends stole money from me too. I totally forgive them because young people can be greedy. It’s the grownups that are dangerous imo.

And tbh, not sure why I smiled at your post. Maybe it’s because I was wondering if someone not apologizing back is that big of a deal to you for you enough to question it. The retracting the apology is kinda funny, not gonna lie.
SW-User
@Dethmoore Lol well I just thought about it when replying to you because it happened to me recently, and I feel like it's a whole topic in and of it's own, because it tells a lot about someone whether they do or don't in my opinion. You can see what I wrote about that to Fairydust in the comments under my post too. I do agree that as adults there's a lot less leeway because we're supposed to know better at this point.
no, definitely not.
If they can do casually dishonest things like that, they're not a person I would want to know.
Not really .. they become someone I know, but no longer include in my circle at that point
darkmere1983 · 46-50, M
nope, never again, i would have nothing more to do with them.
No i ditched a lady for all that recently
Nitedoc · 51-55, M
No. I can't trust them after that.
SW-User
Many years ago I was very popular at school, but I fell out with one guy over a girl. ok, so he would try to hurt me. But where did he get his info about me. Many years later I found it was another my close friends who was feeding him.
Houdini · 56-60, M
Deceased · M
Oh hell no. In my experience the people who do you dirty once tend to do it more than once unless you surgically remove that tumor.
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@Deceased they are like cancer 😆. Not good for our health.
WhateverWorks · 36-40
Once when we were young many years later after we’d both done some growing up. We were also very good friends for years before the incident though.
Ontheroad · M
I suppose I could, but it would depend upon how close of a friend they were, and if they had the gonads to fess up and apologize.
PoeticPlay · 51-55, M
If you call me “friend”?
Then I know everything I need to know about you.
If you call me “enemy”?
Then I know more than your friends.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M
Nope, I stopped talking to someone for years after a mutual friend blew the whistle on him. He was talking shit about me to anyone who would listen. I did a lot of good things for that guy, so I stay away.
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@uncalled4 Aww, that happened to me too. Hung out with this gay guy and accepted him as a friend. He was hitting on me, although I made it clear I’m straight. Thought we were friends, so I took it that he was joking around whenever he did. Later on, I heard from people that he was talking about me behind my back from the start. I realized this gay guy wasn’t really a friend and actually was trying to convert me all those times.

Like you, I stayed away from his plotting ass with zero regret.
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
@Dethmoore That sucks. He was just scorned, most likely. I'm straight but have a gay friend. Known him for 20+ years, but we have never spoken about relationships in any way. It's never relevant to our chats, which are all business and the people we know in said business.
CestManan · 46-50, F
I would try to give benefit of doubt unless it were something serious
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@CestManan Hmmm… the ideal me thinks the same way. However, knowing that someone isn’t honorable makes me not want to be their friend. I don’t want to be around liars, traitors, thieves.
PaleandPolluted · 36-40, F
I'd keep them as a casual acquaintance. I caught someone trying to upskirt me and I still have do with them.
deadteddy · 26-30, F
If they truly regret what they did and can be a genuine friend , I could.
SW-User
No ..I already have trust issues...I have no problem cutting people off
It really depends on the circumstances, last year someone had disclosed something intentionally just to hurt me, knowing it would make things very hard for me and immediately called my integrity into question. He essentially used me as a scapegoat however, this was because they had misunderstood me (it appeared I'd done something which I hadn't). I have forgiven them purely because of that reason alone, I could definitely understand why he would have thought it. Friendship would not be an option in the future anyway I doubt, but possibly more than that when our circumstances change in the next few years.
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@Nihiless I like that. I feel it’s a mature and idealistic thing to say. I just wouldn’t be able to get over it. If I were you, I would know that guy is capable of sabotaging people. Not sure if it’s someone I want to be in my circle.
pdockal · 56-60, M
If they were true friends that wouldn't happen so .........
I agree with you. Trust is very important. Per the saying, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the [b]first[/b] time.
SW-User
That's the end of the relationship for me.

Somebody on here has come to me to directly accuse me of things I hadn't done, I forgave and forgot the first couple of times, but the last time I said, I'm done, I won't be interacting with them again, so I muted them and steer clear
Houdini · 56-60, M
@SW-User and that’s the best thing to do
iamonfire696 · 41-45, F
No, I can’t. It’s too hard to trust.
SamInAZ · 41-45, M
This message was deleted by its author.
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@Camelia Right, I’m the same way. It’s like that thing they say, “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
This message was deleted by its author.

 
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