I lost my son 1603 days ago. It’s difficult. I live alongside his death now. It’s like you say, some days are easier than others. Little things remind me of him as well. But, we have others that rely on us, so we smile on the outside and have to go on.

I’m sure your mother would want you to find happiness. I would want that of my child.
I hope you find peace on the hard days, enjoy her loving memories.

I first came to this site out of grief. I knew Vickie made an account here when EP shut down so I came out of desperate need to see her words to keep her alive in my mind. It's said grief is love with no place to go. I have accepted there's nothing more true. She passed three years this month and she is with me in heart every day. The pain does subside but it doesn't ever go away. I've been living alone with no family or support acquaintances except occasional contact form her daughter who is over nine hundred miles away.
My complete daily routine changed. I could no longer watch the same shows or even eat eat the same foods we did together. I became so sedantary my health suffered.
Being hospitalized twice is what brought back to the reality that she would not want be to be this way.
Now I have much work to do try recover from the physical weakness my body has has developed and it's extremely difficult.
The loss of Vickie affected me more than any other before including the loss of my parents especially my mother which hit me the hardest before.
I relate to all the feelings you describe but I'm not one who relates to anyone who quickly gets passed it.
One day at time is the only worthwhile advice.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Losing someone this close to you changes something inside of you. I believe part of you dies with them.

Everyone handles and deals with grief differently. There is no timeline on your personal grief. You have to heal at your own pace.

Just don't beat yourself up because you feel like you can't get over her. She was very important to you. With great loss comes great pain and grief.

A think that seemed to help me was that I would give myself an hour a day to look at pictures and videos, laugh, cry and read cards and letters. Lock myself in a room for an hour where I would be extremely emotional and vounerable alone with no judgment. It helped to release these emotions within me.

I am fortunate to still have my parents, but i know their time is coming sooner than later, unfortunately. But, of all the losses I have experienced in my life, I had the most troubled with my parternal grandfather and my wife.

Give your grief the time and space it needs to escape. You'll never forget them, but time will ease your pain. Just acknowledge it daily, confront it head on, accept it, then get on with your business the best you can. Do not be ashamed to seek counseling or trusted friends to lean on.

Sending you hugs 🫂 and wishing u all the best.

I understand exactly what you’re saying. I lost my mother 3 years ago this month, and I still feel her absence terribly. The grief often hits me on Sundays, when she would phone me after she and Pop returned from Mass. We would talk for about an hour, just getting caught up.

I take each day at a time, and with our father, my siblings and I lean on each other when we need to.

And there are some incredibly kind people here, too, who have also been willing to listen and offer comfort. 🥹

It's been a year and six months since I lost my husband suddenly to a brain hemorrhage. I'm just muddling through however I can and every day is different. What helps me isn't easy to answer, I know one thing is being accepting of the process and not trying to pretend I'm ok all the time. There are days I just want to stand at the wardrobe and smell his clothes or cry because our wedding song is playing but then other days I'm laughing because I remembered something stupid and funny he said or did. It's a journey. I don't think you ever "get over it" we just learn how to build our lives around the grief and then it feels less like it's everything about us and more that it's a part of us that merges with other parts of our lives.

Not sure I'm qualified to answer this, but I know it's not easy.


My story:
My dad left when I was 1 and mom was 3 months pregnant with my sister. (We found out decades later she chased him off because he liked to drink more than she did. He became an alcoholic to cope with the fact he wasn't allowed to see us anymore)

Mom trash talked him every chance she got (still does) and still decided to force a meetup with him when we were 11 and 13.
It didn't go well at all. (Long story and he lived 5h away)

We tried to keep in touch with him without mom knowing, but failed.

In 2018 my sister found out he had terminal cancer, and we made a plan to visit him without mom finding out, because we wanted/needed closure.

Early August that year we made the trip to see him. He was in palliative care already, 3 months after his diagnosis. He did everything he could to keep us there without us noticing. Ofcourse, we noticed, and appreciated it. So we stayed as long as we could that day and came back the next morning.
He still did everything he could to postpone saying goodbye to us. But my sister has 3 kids who needed her, so we had to leave relatively early.

Not once did he say anything bad about our mom. Instead he kept quiet or changed the topic.

We drove home feeling like we missed out on having a dad for the first time ever.

Exactly one week later he passed, and we were both mourning him and the relationship we were robbed of. But we couldn't let anyone around us know we were sad about him passing. Instead we had to play along with the "good riddance" jokes.

Sorry. Went on a bit of a rant there.

Wow. That’s so sad to hear.
I’m really very sorry for your loss.
I think you’re absolutely right - you never “get over” losing someone close, but rather adapt to a different life without them.
I often hear my mum’s words in my head, especially when things aren’t going so well, and that gives comfort in that they’re never truly gone. Words, wisdom and experiences transcend our mortal lives and carry on. In that sense nothing is lost apart from the spontaneity of hearing new words from them.
It’s hard, but there’s no choice other than to find a new way to continue through life. I hope you get comfort from remembering things that your mum said and the memories you’ve got of her. God bless x

I lost my dad 15 years ago. At that time he was estranged from most other members of my family and I had to arrange the funeral and grieve almost on my own. He was a complicated and very difficult man, but I loved him so much and idolised him almost to the end. I keep his memory alive by living my best life through our shared interests (maths, hiking, sport). Time softens bitter memories. Every small instance that I can rehabilitate his memory with my mother or sisters feels wonderful to me.

May you feel not alone in this, many go through this, and different ways work for different people, my way includes spending almost every waking moment with the classics. 🫂 Your way sounds more honorable than mine. Be of the mind that they would want you to be happy and living a good life.

As time goes by, you still miss them but the memories are happier. I think sometimes we eventually realize that our loved ones live on through the things we learned from them and carry forth. Try to live your life in honor of her.

I navigate by living, i know that they would want me to be happy. I cope by not reliving it, not thinking about it, i grieve in the moment and then i let go. I see grief as a pit stop, its not a place for you to stay.

I'm still trying to deal with the loss of my sister when I was young. I feel your pain

Honestly, just time…
I’m so sorry for your loss
I lost my father during thanksgiving last year

We all react differently to grief - sorry there's no easy fix

Ask yourself this... What would your mother want you to do.... Stand still or move on in with your life while keeping her in your heart and living the life she wanted you to always have ..?

I really appreciate each and everyone of you for your comments. Thanks guys!

Can relate. One of my friends passed on two years ago. Miss him

You don't get over it, love, but you will get through it. Just take it day by day.

It’s not at all easy but time heals eventually 🙂

Veeeeeeery slowly ...

I cried for about two or three years. With my wife died I cried for about a year. It’s like I got used to grief.