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How do you learn to trust someone after they get "emotional"?

It's mostly women I have this problem with, platonic or otherwise. I do something they don't like, then they fly off the handle, and then suddenly we're friends again like nothing happened? I'm sitting here scratching my head like "what the actual f***?!?!"

I try to keep my distance so I can process, but then they try to fix it and then as soon as I let my guard down it happens all over again. Any advice?

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BlueVeins · 22-25 Best Comment

There's nothing wrong with being 'emotional.' If you upset someone, focus on their feelings, apologize, and try to console them. But if they keep doing this and it makes you uncomfortable, you gotta communicate that to them. Tell them that it stresses you out and that they need to give you a little grace. If they can't do that, then you're in your rights to create some distance.

GohantheThird · M

@BlueVeins I'll do my best. Till then, distance seems like the best solution. Thank you.

OogieBoogie · F

Perhaps the "flying off the handle" is a coping mechanism: a way to let out all their pent up feelings.
(Esp if they then go back to normal).

Sometimes when people do that its not about fixing it ....its about listening, actually hearing their desperation and understanding their inner conflict or hurt or whatever.

My concern is that you need to 'keep your guard up'.

These two things could be connected 🤔

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OogieBoogie · F

@GohantheThird yeah, it can be hard to deal with.
They dont see how much they emotion dump.

But people deal with emotions differently.
Some deal with them as they feel them. Some bury them until they build up - and explode.
Some - never let their feelings be shown at all.

This person seems to be a 'build up' type person.

They are hard coz you get ' a whole bunch of lots of little moments of feels all at once' - so its not just 'one thing' you have to deal with.

Empathics deal with these people better as they pick up on subtleties and head these outbursts off before they build up.

All i can offer is try and up your communication?
Doubly make sure that they are ok with solutions or compromises and such so shit doesnt build up ?🤷‍♀

GohantheThird · M

@OogieBoogie sadly with this particular person it wouldn't work. If it isn't their idea, it's not an idea worth pursuing.

OogieBoogie · F

@GohantheThird hmmm.
Those type of people are difficult to negotiate

AngelUnforgiven · 51-55, F

It's Hormones, 100%. It's the nurturer in us. In my experience it takes women a quicker time to recover after being angry than men. Men tend to hold on to things a bit longer .From what you are saying sounds like whatever they blew up about was small. So when they bounced back from it you weren't quite there there yet.

Happens to me all the time. I get angry with my soulmate about something and then the moment it hits me that I fu*ked up and try to tell him he's not trying to hear it yet. He's still hurt and in the moment. So I have to talk him down and apologize. That's just how we are

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Frostcloud · F

i have personally almost never seen someone "fly off the handle" for no reason. the only exception is my ex, as he was dealing with a lot of jealousy and insecurity. i would guess you either somehow contact only incredibly insecure people, or people with personality disorders. or, maybe, self reflect and see why the things they dont like bother them. it's not that weird for people to get upset after being treated poorly, especially if it's consistent. eventually they'll snap. if you care for them it's best to ask why they don't like the things that have made them upset, and from there you can decide if you want to pursue a friendship or not

Onryo · 22-25, F

“I do something they don’t like” maybe look here rather than complaining about the reaction try to address the cause

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GohantheThird · M

@BlueVeins not the person who missed their cue.

BlueVeins · 22-25

@GohantheThird you already said that

GohantheThird · M

@BlueVeins more them than me, but I'm seeing your point.

itsok · 31-35, F

Could you be more specific with “flying off the handle”?

GohantheThird · M

@itsok litteral temper tantrums.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

The importance is the interval of them flying off their handle and the intensity of it. How is it resolved. What causes it to happen. Explain it.

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Ferise1 · 46-50, M

Look within, young Padawan

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