I Spend a Lot of Time By Myself... and I am thinking about spending more! So many crossroads are fast approaching in my life, and much like MY life, I don't always know which I might take until it is upon me. One juncture ahead seems to be whether or not to remain in a...See More »
I Like It When It RainsIt's early. Early-ish, I suppose. The time of day when respectable, responsible... hell, downright sensible folks are meandering comfortably through their Saturday sunrise routine. The late winter sun softly caresses the kitchen tile. Under foot...See More »
I Am LonelySlow death... Alone... aloneness. Alone with all my friends - what a strange, yet accurate, concept. I have two amazing teenage children (almost adults!) and a woman who professes to love me. I have friends I spend time with, friends who check in...See More »
I Am Sometimes AntisocialToday is one of those days... friends, once - now distant... nothing in common, nothing to share, no room for them in this dark cave. Dreaming of new sunrises, fresh prairies, unfamiliar but friendly smiles. I have worn this place out, stayed...See More »
I Am Working On MyselfHow do I work on myself when in a relationship? She is quiet... by nature. Until she isn't. Today I had to turn my ears up to hear her. She had money troubles. I sympathized. She was quiet. Smiled here and there, but not the eyes. I dropped...See More »
I Am Working On MyselfHow does one not? The thought of rambling through this life numb, oblivious, willingly dumbed-down, unaware... Unimaginable. Although I truly cannot imagine a life without introspection and growth, it makes me sad trying to. Sure my brain can...See More »
I Feel So AloneToday especially. It is the weekend. I have no close friends other than my GF. My children are with their mother for the next few days. I have run out of projects. The sun is out, but the car is with my GF who is at work. Alone. Lonely. Sad....See More »
I Have a Dark Side... And sometimes it can be comical. Yesterday I was driving to the local city - about an hour from my coastal town (where I very much appreciate the "slower" pace of living). On the highway, I was rolling along at 70... wishing I was doing 80,...See More »
I Believe In LoveYes, I believe in it... Just wondering why, as I age, it seems more and more elusive? She lay beside me each night, we touch, make love, smile, say the words - but still I struggle with an empty feeling inside. It is not all encompassing, the empty...See More »
I Believe In LoveMy previous post... well, it was written about 2 years ago and today, this morning... right now... I am struggling with the same empty feeling that has been creeping in time and time again lately. Questions swirl in my brain - am I in love? Am I...See More »
I Believe People Come Into Your Life For a ReasonYesterday... The blues clouded my vision like the rolling and tumbling clouds that blackened and bullied the high sun. Alone, yet with all my friends, I roared my blood red monster over hills and around bends - unsure what I was running from or...See More »
I Am Fascinated By Human BehaviorI seem to have toe'd the line and always have, for as long as I can remember. Maybe not as extremely as I did in my late teens and twenties... But as a young boy I certainly welcomed that feeling in my gut I had no name for. Still don't. Perhaps...See More »
I Believe In LoveNever have i known such intense love... Sure, I've felt maybe there was something beyond the next ridge, somewhere along one of life's many switchbacks - only the guarding lodgepole pines, clacking against one another in tender laughter, knew the...See More »
I Am Not What People Expect... Including myself. It exists. And it is different, much different, than that alone place I find when meditating. The empty place is unrecognizable in that it is devoid of all ties to my otherwise everyday life. Meditation is a quieting of my...See More »
I Have Done Things I Am Not Proud of The light changed, his horn blew. That quickly. The unwelcome blare startled and instantly angered me. I pressed on the gas pedal and proceeded through the green light as the SUV swerved, then accelerated around me. The driver, locking eyes wit...See More »
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