I Spend a Lot of Time By Myself

... and I am thinking about spending more! So many crossroads are fast approaching in my life, and much like MY life, I don't always know which I might take until it is upon me. One juncture ahead seems to be whether or not to remain in a relationship. She has been kind, loving, loyal, and adventurous - but there are enough times I look forward to her heading off to work or to do chores. I love my solitude. Even her dog, who I adore, takes up JUST enough of my space (mental and physical) to make me wonder, "Is this the life for me?" I am not young... There is gray in my beard. Another crossroads, the advent of my children becoming adults, is also only a few sunsets away. I will always be DAD, but there will be a certain amount of both physical and mental freedom accompanying their heading off to college or whatever adventures their future's hold.

Yesterday I had the house to myself (well, had the dog nearby) and it was warm enough to open the door. I lay on the couch - sprawled - a sunny breeze working its way over me. I daydreamed I was somewhere in the desert southwest... in an old, but beautifully refinished airstream, at a friendly campground - the sounds of other neighborly campers interacting making its way to my ears. I dreamed I had community literally steps from my door and makeshift porch... and simply KNOWING that was enough to allow me to peacefully rest away my saturday afternoon.

WHy can't this be mine? Should I begin the arduous task of disentangling myself from this relationship that seems to interfere with my "aloneness"?

Ugh.

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Winenot · 51-55, F

I enjoy, need, crave solitude as welll & I dont get it nearly enough. I can’t imagine ending my marriage to be alone. But that’s me, not you! Sooooooo-
Does she know how much you crave being alone? Have you always felt this way? Can you manage with scheduled get aways, by yourself.
Ultimately, you have one life to live. If you prefer to be alone, let her go. She deserves someone who wants her there with him.

DeadNGone · 51-55, M

@Winenot We dance around it, but her insecurities make it challenging. But ultimately, yes. She is supportive of my having "me time" - but I am not sure she would support me taking, say, a month to head out west and live simply, quietly. I don't know of many relationships where the spouse would say, "Sure! Take as much time as you like - month, 6 weeks, whatever!" So i count myself lucky I could probably get a week or two away guilt free now and then.

Winenot · 51-55, F

@DeadNGone Oh I’m sure that amount of time would be difficult. And I can imagine, even an incredibly secure person would have difficulty understanding it’s not about them, it’s your preference for solitude.

DeadNGone · 51-55, M

@Winenot I agree. ugh... sometimes i really don't enjoy who I am.

PerfectionOfTheHeart · 46-50, F

You have to ask yourself if your need for solitude, not just the occasional afternoon to yourself but 24/7 solitude, is something you crave more than having her or anyone by your side.

We all need time away. That’s just a given. But is the time away needed to just clear your head and breathe in fresh, untainted air, or is that detached freedom something needed to survive in your eyes? That’s a discussion you need to have with yourself.

DeadNGone · 51-55, M

@PerfectionOfTheHeart I don't know. I think it is a day by day thing for me... with the hope for clarity at some point. I certainly don't expect her to wait while I figure it out - if I do. we'll see.

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