Me and the dishwasher Jose get to work at pretty much the same time.Today he told me “Every time you see me behind you, you walk faster” I just laughed uncomfortably and went back to work. He always speaks his mind lol
Yes I have favorites.Pat is the only resident that gets my jokes. I’m going to break her out of the retirement home and we’re going to vacation in Thailand together. I’m glad she forgave me for spilling cranberry juice on her. Guess that brought us closer. Joan... See More »
It’s crazy how a tiny singular roach can cause such a huge disaster.My mother is calling for me while I’m in my room, she sounds urgent and excited. I’m assuming she probably saw another random drone in the sky again and was going to go on a tangent about how aliens exist lol No, I go out there and she’s telling me... See More »
I choked on a mozzarella stick today and my face remained like this “😐”Back in the day I would have flipped a table in a panic and cried.
I feel like if people were to watch me close enough they would know that I’ve been alone a lot 😂😂😂I not only talk to myself but I talk as if there is someone in front of me. I’m expressive and everything. It’s not loneliness, I’m just secluded. I just demolished a whole entire Vietnamese meal and coffee. I feel like a smug queen. I’m... See More »
If I ever end up in jail this is what I want you to send me through commissaryA pack of Lotus Walkers mini shortbread fingers Biscoff cookies (or the creamy cookie butter) Pirouline dark chocolate crème filled wafers, you know them thangs that look like straws? Nutter butters, yes. Hot Cheetos. And no I’m not... See More »
It’s like a social experiment at this pointI notice that when I actually try to be like everyone else at work and get all extra personable & animated to get that xtra tip, nobody tips me. But when I’m my normal “it is what it is” self I do get tipped? Moral of the story is, just do you 💀.... See More »
I gave my baby brother a dollar and he said “the people on the money are ugly”I looked over at him and saw him holding it up and staring at it in disgust
My ex crush says this 3 mins after she clearly saw me walk past her. I even said hi.“You’re here today?” Me: …*nods my head up and down* She’s very much “Oh, I didn’t see you there because you’re not important fyi”
I hate being called cheap, you mean smart with my money?Cheap is when my uncle offers to treat us and only buys one pizza box for 10 people. Or when he’d invite to the dollar movies and say no when I wanted popcorn or snacks. And no he wasn’t poor and trying to do the best he could lol but thanks unc... See More »
Posted up at Waffle House since my job closed cause of rain.This is a blessing cause I only had one day off and if I wanted to pick up at my other job, I could lol
I’m tired of being careful about everything. None of this matters when I die, none of this is permanent.And if everything goes down hill, I’ll finally get that push to move to a different state and start a whole new life. I want to listen to my impulses for once.
I know all the music I’m hearting right now while high is going to be deleted tomorrow.I just know me
Me *gets out the shower*My cat: *realizes I’ve washed off her scent* My cat: Oh hell nah My cat: *starts thoroughly rubbing against my legs* My cat: don’t do it again
I was really 13 on MySpace talking to men in their mid 20’sThey were actually respectful tho surprisingly lol. I think I was in a relationship with one and the flirtiest thing I remember from that is making him laugh and him saying “u so silly boo” 😂
Nobody gets my anti-joke deadpan humor at this job.I used to retreat after several failed attempts but now I just sprinkle it in every other conversation to gauge where everyone is at and move on quickly like it’s never been done.
I’ve always hated seeing people who wore crooked glasses and now look at me.I’ll get them fixed on Monday.
I love how my first thought to someone being rude to me at work is “maybe they’re feeling sick 🙂”With an added eye twitch
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