When I was a little girl, I had an incident. Like you, I felt guilt and shame. That kept me from saying anything for years. It's normal to feel that way, especially when you're too young to understand everything. You were confused and innocent. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You are precious, and will grow into an beautiful, strong young woman with the knowledge and power to protect others from ever experiencing the same thing. Never doubt yourself, your inner strength, or your worth. You may not be able to change the past, but you have the power to make your present and your future anything you aim for :) *hugs*
I was eleven and it was my friend’s father. I never told either, because I knew my parents would never let me see her again. So I resolved that we’d only have sleepovers at my home, and never saw him after that. In high school she and I drifted apart. I later wondered how safe she had been with him..
There are a lot of things in every life that could've been handled better. But we can't live in the past. Best to apply the lessons we've learned to our present and future. And forgive ourselves for what we cannot change.
First of all this is like PTSD. You may have that. I had it before and the way I got free of it was to tell myself the truth! You must tell yourself the truth. You were victimized here. Tell yourself the truth and KEEP telling yourself the truth. Every time you get a thought in your head that it was your fault, when subconsciously you know it was not, tell yourself the truth and refuse to believe a lie. The truth is what will set you free. What is the truth?
Did you purposely go to meet him, only to be abused? NO!
Did you give him permission to touch you? NO!
Did you tell him to touch you? NO!
Did you want him to touch you? NO!
Now that you know the truth, you can stop blaming yourself and punishing yourself for not knowing what to do at that time. You were not a volunteer. You were a victim. You were victimIZED! There's no way it could have been your fault. If you don't tell yourself the truth, guilt will eat at you, but now that you know the truth, you can kick guilt out the door! It does not have to control you, if you do not allow it. Don't give it permission to haunt you. You were very young and at that age your mind is not equipped to handle or process adult activities. So you were confused and scared and you didn't know what to do. That's normal.
That's the way it happens with any child. And it bothers you more because you had no closure to it and you didn't know how since you were afraid to tell, but you definitely did not bring this on yourself. You know it is not something you would have wanted for yourself had you had the chance to choose, so there's no way it could be your fault. Victims never ask to be victimized or abused. It's just not done that's why they're called "victims". There's nothing a child can do to fight off a molester. They are simply not physically or emotionally equipped to do that. And that little voice that keeps whispering in your ear that it was your fault, you know is a liar. If you have to scream out at it until it's so and to leave you alone for good. This is not something you need in your life, for the rest of your life.
The very first thing you need to do right now, first chance, which will help you get more closure, is to expose this evil monster. And you shouldn't be the one afraid to do it because you're not the sick pervert here. It is time that your voice be heard! I would be very angry if I were you. The very next thing you should do is either go to the police or to a counselor but I would prefer the police but I know this is embarrassing for you though it was not your fault, but if you won't go to the police, go to a counselor right away and get Justice for yourself. You didn't deserve this.
PROMISE ME YOU WILL GO TELL, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
The sooner the better. Now is your time to be heard and voice your hurts. Your feelings need to be validated, so you know you are not alone in this. We'll all back you up and the counselor will back you up and we all believe you and we are rooting for you and praying for you. Be strong and courageous and do what is right for yourself, as no one deserves it more than you. I'm always here if you want to pm me and vent or just simply have a talk about anything. The more you talk about this, the more you will heal. It's time to break the silence and I know you are strong enough to do this. You don't have to let this hurt you anymore. It's time to fight back and be heard. ~ Love, Grace ❤ "Hugs"
@LadyGrace Thank you for your support. But I am now 77 years old. My molester was in his 30s at the time it happened and is likely not alive anymore. I wasn't guilty about it then and I'm not now. It was just one of many bad rxperiences in my very miserable childhood.
@Montanaman Even if you "do everything right"... the police are reluctant to place you in a place of safety.
If you speak out, they just send you back to the Hell that you came from - how is that any better???
I did everything right... I escaped... I called the police... I told - yet, I'm still in the Hell hole I escaped from that night.
Talking certainly didn't help me when the choice I got was to go back or to go to the town where my abuser lived between the ages of 18 and 38. Yes, he knows that area better than me - and he has friends in that area.
When I was 10 years old, a teacher at my school molested me (and another girl in my class). I DID tell and nothing much was done about it. And I was sternly told to shut up about it and never discuss it again with anybody. To the school's credit, the teacher was fired. I assume he just got a job at another school and went right on molesting girls. I had nightmares about him for several years.
@greenmountaingal Only a sick, perverted troll would laugh at that. Block him. I'm so glad that teacher got fired but that's not near enough punishment for him.
@greenmountaingal I am sorry that happened to you. It is unfortunate that adults would rather sweep it under The rug rather than face it in public. That happens way to often.
I never told either. Not until a couple of years ago and I don’t know how telling would have changed my situation
SW-User
I was from the age of 6 until I was 10 by a neighbor. He moved away when I was 10 . I never told my parents .to be honest I didn't know what had happened was a bad thing because my parents never had that " good touch bad touch " talk . It wasn't until I was 15 that I had realized what had happened was basically child abuse . I thought he was my boyfriend when I was a little kid . You don't know what you don't know . It's so messed up.
It's not your fault. And you have nothing to be ashamed of. What could have, should have been is in the past. Try to get help for your today and tomorrow. Sorry for what you had to go through.
What she went through is, at her current age, not that far in the past. Someone who molested children is likely out there and continuing to hurt other children. Speaking to a counselor or therapist would be a good first step.
Ok. Your doing ok. Know this, your not damaged goods, your a precious young girl who has strength you dont even know. And the process now, is to remove the control that this event has over you. Take back that control that your dad took away. Hes no longer your authority. You deserve the best in life now. Look in the mirror, and tell yourself that your ok, and your beautiful and things are going to be ok.
Before applying this kind of guilt - implying she has a duty to protect other potential victims and implying it will be her fault if they get hurt if she does not act - please at least dig deeper.
In a comment far down this stream, she admits her abuser was her own father. That makes reporting him difficult on emotional, financial and familial fronts - if she took your advice seriously it put her into an even worse internal conflict.
Knowing that now, and knowing she still blamed herself for the initial abuse when she posted this, do you really feel adding additional guilt into her mental state was wise or helpful?
Had you told the right people, I think things could have been different for YOU, maybe not for the one or ones who molested you. But through therapy, you could come to see you're not guilty for anything and it wasn't your fault.
It started at 5 and this man worked on my grandpa’s farm so he was trusted. My dad and grandpa would leave me alone with him while they went to fix things.
What makes it worse is this man did the same thing to my mother from the age of 2 years to 15 years old. She never told and knew my dad left me with him.
This man lives across the street from me. I can look out my window and see him in his yard.
@Montanaman there was a time I wanted to run him over with my car because he ruined my childhood. Not only because of what he did to me.
But because of what he did to my mother. She was an alcoholic. Up until my age of 12 she was drunk and would get abusive. As she got older he would give her alcohol and she didn’t stop drinking.
He’s getting really old and has cancer and he’s suffering so I won’t lie but that makes me happy that he gets to suffer in this lifetime.
This is why I think lots of men are garbage and they prove it everyday here for sure.
That's horrible that something like that would happen to anybody, especially a sweet beautiful girl like you. It's normal to feel guilty but hopefully you understand that no matter what u feel it wasn't ur fault! I'm sure you'll get thru it and come out stronger for it. I'm always here if you'd like to chat or talk about anything or vent... just lemme know *hugs*
Kimber it is the job of parents to provide support and direction for their children. Your father betrayed the trust children should have in their parents. My uncle sexually abused his daughter (my cousin) - it is never the fault of the child, it is always the fault of the adult - my cousin eventually told her mum when an adult. If you can find somebody whom you feel you can trust, and can talk to, I think it will be helpful for you. Take care of yourself - regards Henry
I never told anyone either. Had a profound effect on my sexual development. I don’t know how different things might have been but I do know that it wasn’t my fault just as I hope that you know that it wasn’t your fault either. 🤗
@Onestarlitnight The not telling drove me crazy .Knowing they were still molesting so after 5 years i told ,went to court but the catholic church won as usual and there was no justice.
I am so sorry for the messages I have previously posted to you.
None of what happened to you was your fault in any way.
You had a powerful adult using you and telling you to do things (even if it didn't feel that way). He was only after what he wanted. Unfortunately, he chose to sue you and didn;t care about the consequences for you.
I never told anyone what happened to me and that was 36 years ago. I’m not sure how different things would be had I told someone but I try not to dwell on that, I just try and do what I did most of my life and forget about it.
I am so sorry this happened to you . Please talk to someone or it will affect the rest of your life . Someone qualified in mental health who can advise you on how to cope and put this behind you and have a happy future .
I know how you feel, I had the same thing happen to me when I was little. But it is really important to tell someone, that way they can catch the person who did it and stop them from doing it again. I know from experience that hiding it will only make the feeling of guilt and shame grow. (Then again I should probably take my own advice)
