Anyone who's had trauma/abuse in your past

I think that's why it's best to get support from a properly qualified psychologist, they are skilled at helping you work through it so you can process things in a way that causes the least amount of emotional distress

For decades afterwards, I didn't even acknowledge to myself that I had been traumatized.

It's not that I suppressed the memory of what happened. Rather, I had suppressed the memory of what it felt like

When something brought it all back, the experience left me shaking. It was horrible. But it was also the first step toward eventual healing .

I hope you can somehow find some degree of peace as well.

I still have nightmares about it and constantly check our cameras

I used to.

Have you ever tried reiki?

I forced myself to face it, afraid and all because I got really tired of not living my life, not feeling good, not feeling like myself... It all just became too much. It took too much from me and I didn't care if it was uncomfortable because I was jumping out of my skin not doing something about it.

I don't think about it; it's there, and I know it happened.
I wrote a lot about it in the past; it seemed to help at the time.
The dreams seemed to lessen the more I wrote about the abuse.
Like I left the pain on the page and had no more need to remind myself of details.

It caused me to seek cathartic release through music and a maddening search for meaning in life.
I ended up forgiving my Father a second time. The first time I was 13 but as I grew older I realized that I needed to revisit it.

Im weird in that my trauma translated into rage and a lot of it. So instead of being afraid when I think of past trauma I become enraged. Like hulk level of rage.

For years I did. But I finally started fighting for myself and started getting help and support.

Not die but spiral into victim mentality, anger, rage, blaming and self-harm. No thanks, I don't need that.