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Please be honest do you feel like a loser being over the age of 30 working a retail and or food service job? Personally I'm in retail and I feel it

I never went to college because I felt I didn't need a piece of paper to prove to people I was smart or worthy which sounded noble at the time. I still don't really feel that college is meant for me because it doesn't excite me and I don't know what to do anyway. Then there's the financial aspect of it all. I wasn't willing to take on that amount of debt at the time for not knowing what to do with myself. I still don't know what to do and I'm 35 here come december.

They say comparison is the thief of joy but it's human to compare and it's human to see how you measure up. Well it's pretty obvious to anyone with eyes that I do not measure up at all. On paper and in practice I'm just some mid 30's loser with no career, living in a crappy apartment, no family of my own just sort of drifting through life. I mean shoot I don't even have a car right now or any money in my bank account because I make just enough to cover my bills and not a whole lot to work with after. Meanwhile I look at my brother who has all the markings of success, I look at my best friend who has done well for himself, I look at others I graduated with back in the day who have their own shops, careers, heck one lady got her own realtor billboard recently. It's hard not to feel so small and insignificant when you see others living it up like Larry. I am glad they are doing well but it still stings. There's still that voice in my head that says you got the better grades why isn't that you. They partied hard in school and you were a diligent student an academic and here you are a loser selling vapes to people.

A man possessed and I never do this kind of stuff found the old Class of 2008 facebook page and I anonymously posted because I am a weenie about how in a few more years it will mark 20 years since we graduated and that I will not be attending any reunion because I accomplished nothing in life and have nothing to say to anyone. I wrote that I hope others have done better than I have. Shockingly people saw it and wrote nice things. I don't know what drove me to write all that because I never do things like that. I was nearly driven to download tiktok and go on a sob filled cry fest but I refrained because I do not want to put myself out there like that. I guess part of me wanted to know if there was anyone else out there like me. I spent my entire day off in bed mostly because I just couldn't move. I don't think I got out of bed until 1pm give or take and that was only because I needed to go to the bathroom.
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Quite recently a man I know well went into a debilitating depression. Using the reasoning in your post, he has done quite well. He has a family, they own their home, they love each other, they travel. They have their own company.

A month or so of talking led him to say that he feared he would never make anything of himself, and was terrified of leaving his family in a bad place. The main trigger from this was another man, his best friend, who was a civil attorney who had shared he made over $1 million on one case.

Wait, there’s more. The best friend had, as a youngster, wanted to be a musician, but his father pressed him to go into law school. He did well, has done well, by outside measurement, but he can’t even walk through a city square where buskers are making music without crying. He longs bitterly for his musical days.

Other people admire both men…but they’re both miserable.

So, first of all, never imagine that you know what’s going on with other people, and don’t think you can read their minds.

As far as you are concerned, you’re looking at this in a way that obstructs changing your life. Lots of us like to present ourselves with a tangled and knotted ball of yarn, because we are scared to try to untangle it.

It’s not hard to fall in love with disaster, because then you can figure it’s too late. What’s the point of working on it?

Sit down with paper and pencil. Make an honest assessment of your situation. Figure out which are priorities and work on those first.

Funny thing about tangled yarn … once you find an end, you can untangle the rest.
BillyMack · 46-50, M
I’m sorry to hear that. But the comparison game is tough to overcome but it’s better to avoid. I know people over 30 in food service or retail and they are doing well. All depends on your marker of success.

Are you happy? Do you get to do things you enjoy? I’d be careful of comparing on socials because those are peoples highlight reels.
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
I wouldn't worry about what your former classmates are posting on social media.
You can be sure half of them are lying about how 'successful' they are.

Careers are an absolute nightmare to get into and progress in.
What you start today may well be irrelevant tomorrow.
Ask anyone who trained in nursing or computer science twenty years ago.

Personally I think at a time when you have nothing to rely on in terms of 'job security', pension contributions from employers, and minimal pay rises in just about any industry. There's a lot to be said for just being able to afford a roof over your head and keeping the lights and heat on.
And if you can eat three times a day...you're as successful as anyone else.
When I turned 31 I took a programming course at a local college and then worked as a programmer for the next 30 years. Made decent money. Maybe look at something like that? If your claim of being smart is true, this should be easy enough to figure out.
Lots of other careers out there that pay well too. Electrician/Plumber/Captain, all kinds of stuff. Find a union job, or government job (although being in government in US right now may not be a good thing). Sitting around complaining won't help you move forward.
greencompass · 36-40, F
I just wanted to say you're not alone with feeling this way.

Also, if you compare upwards with people you deem more accomplished than you, remember to compare downwards too. Be fair to yourself. You have a job, live independently, and are smart - not everyone has these things. When you look at what you do have, it can make you feel better sometimes. And I know it may not feel like it but you're still young and able to choose your path.
HootyTheNightOwl · 41-45
Actually, I loved working retail. If I could go back now I would love to return to retail and achieve some of my personal goals in the career.

I wouldn't have bothered going into the casino job, though - the temporary boss they gave me hated my guts and made it unbearable for me to work there.

Maybe, I'd work more towards getting onboard cruise ships nowadays... I like the idea of getting paid to travel and paying next to nothing in bills.
4meAndyou · F
I was a retail manager for many years before I transferred into the field of human services. I LOVED being the manager of a hardware store!!! It was not like work at all. I enjoyed the heck out of it...and I never felt "Less Than"...until the ex began to compare me to the wife of his boss who made lots more money.
being · 36-40, F
it's human to compare and it's human to see how you measure up
No it isn't human. It is man-made, different.

This metric system isn't all inclusive but partial and selective. Nothing wrong with it, yet it's good to see things for what they are truly.

Parenthood, raising children, isn't much included in the metric system. Nor is nursing loved ones, caring and listening and tending to friends and family and community. Art is only partially included, only when it generates income. Practical daily or survival skillsets aren't much included either. The ability to serve, prayer isn't much included. To hold the vibration of love into one's actions isn't included.
This value system recognises values that can be transmitted to currency.
The ability to hold silence spaces of peace and healing, the ability to carry presence.
So many things are to be found at the borders or just outside this metric system.

These being said, I don't see anything wrong with the metric system again. But see it for what it is and then see yourself for who you are 🤗 a beloved human being who contributes to the world by simply being in it and creating in it.
Appreciate yourself some more.
Then from there, you'll get clearer directions as towards the direction you want to take next.
Stop comparing and start setting goals for yourself. College isn’t just for a piece of paper, it’s a goal that gets you on your way to whatever career you desire. Some people start doing awesome things at 18, some at 22, others at 52. Time will pass weather you accomplish things or not, might as well start now.
Jenny1234 · 56-60, F
I think that it’s hard to have a good income without some type of post secondary education.

You should look into a trade. Lots of jobs available and they make really good money.

I have one son who is a plumbing apprentice and his twin brother just started the HVAC technician course.
Captainjackass · 31-35, M
It’s never to late to change. I didn’t go to school until I was 28 and still worked full time crappy jobs while I went part time. You just need a plan and the ambition to work hard at it.
@Captainjackass Why does he even need to change? You're legit proving his post right
What you're dealing with?
10% Anxiety
90% Absolute Burnout
...
I am sorry you're going through this; no one deserves to be looked down upon like they're just common bin fodder.
val70 · 51-55
That's a sentiment that's better to avoid. What is success? Perhaps that is something that you need to find out for yourself. In finding it then it will show you also a way to come closer to it. No-one is perfectly successful
lilylovesgaming1986 · 36-40, F
I think a lot of people look at what is around them for work that will tell u what kind of degree to go after. For me it would be nursing and oil fields and some kind of sells
Tumbleweed · F
Not a loser at all. Anybody who works an honest job and makes an effort to maintain has my respect. Period.
fanuc2013 · 51-55, F
Go to a trade school! You can make more money and benefits in a lot of cases, and no student debt! Also, get into a good job much faster!
BlobbyMcBlobface · 100+, M
The fact that you earn a living means you're definitely not a loser, unlike those who spend their lives avoiding work to live on benefits.
@BlobbyMcBlobface The system hasn't given up on them, they learned how to milk the system fraudulently, and get away with it.
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MntoNc · 36-40, M
You can always look for another job. You can bend your resume here and there on your skills and your job duties at whatever company youre currently working at. Then theres the option of getting promoted at whatever job youre working at if thats your goal.
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Monalisasmith86 · 41-45, F
No if you’re the manager or the ceo I wouldn’t lol
separatetheheart · 31-35, M
@Movingthegoalpost I am not a manager currently, I've been here almost 2 years in my current role.
Monalisasmith86 · 41-45, F
@separatetheheart oh ok that’s ok there heaps of streams in retail if you really use it and apply yourself ok doesn’t matter where you start
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SW-User
Promotion is unlikely. There's always a son or nephew next in line. Maybe try something else.
Northwest · M
Go to a trade school. If you don’t. 2 years from now, you will still be selling vapes.

 
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