I'm not doing great

Last week was just constant waves of suicidal thoughts ebbing and flowing. This week hasn't been as bad as that, but in my quiet moments I still find myself questioning what I'm holding on for. Don't worry, I'm not actually a risk to myself or others, even when I am actively suicidal. I tried that once and it turned out I don't have it in me to hurt myself. But I really don't feel like I have all that much left since we're not together any more. I keep telling myself it's temporary, but I love her and being without her is the worst thing imaginable for me. But I'm pretty sure that's just me being pathetic.