Struggles & Identity > Thoughts

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I don't understand people here

They proactively message privately, they befriend you, they make you talk , they make you express, they give you an impression you are becoming good friends and for no apparent reason they stop responding to your private messages.

But they are here quite active responding to others and you know this because you have common friends.

If you have no intent to remain consistent WTF even bother to get involved so much. Don't lead them on. Better limit yourself to posts and comments. Quit playing with emotions.

Most men here are so much fun and chilled out to interact with. I enjoy talking to them. Very few women here are sensitive and polite and they are my friends.

Edit:
If you are gonna defend this behaviour there's a likelihood you can relate to it.

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

SW-User

🤷 I always make it clear I'm not the best person to continue private chats with.
I don't like getting into those kind of obligation. Sometimes I just want to pass time on qna.

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SW-User

@SW-User i know it's not directed at me. But you are being insensitive to people who must be sensitive. You call this name calling? I haven't even started. Lol Because trust me i am capable of being far more harsh than you can ever think of putting in words. But i do that to people who r bad to others

StarLily · 51-55, F

@SW-User No, I don't intentionally ignore people that are my friends... that's why I let them know I often struggle to keep up with messages, or am sometimes here to just be active on posts.

I do have boundaries though... and I'm sure some like to interpret that as being ignored.

SW-User

@StarLily That i understand. I do that too. i am quite straightforward in that regard to tell them about it too.

SW-User

Here is what I've learned with this . People have lives outside of here ,families ,work ,situations will arise ,mental health issues...it's not you ...and sometimes people are just flakey ..so it's best to not to pour too much into these things to avoid any disappointment..I do respond to pms from those I talk to regularly on here which are not many ...because they have taken time out of their lives to put forth the effort to do so ...it may not always be instantly but I do respond as soon as I am able to ..
But it's a safe bet to have no expectations of others ...this is what ive learned

SW-User

@SW-User I'm talking about people who r constantly here replying to others and you know that because there r common friends. And it's not their fckng business to involve someone unnecessarily by leading them on. So please don't assume about having a life outside. We all have lives outside of this.

SW-User

@SW-User 😳ok

RubySoo · 56-60, F

Many people are here for a quick fix, a dose of whatever it is they need at any given moment. As soon as its not scratching the itch anymore, they look for some one else with something that will.
Many of us think, or have wondered, just like you.

Making connestions here is treatcherious, coz remember, a huge number of profiles here are operated by people with numerous accounts and multiple personalities.

SW-User

@RubySoo that's really sad

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@SW-User yes....but true.

Caleidoscope · F

I am not perfect neither are my responses to PM's.I sometimes suck at answering immediately OR sometimes I'm so proactive that I strike up a conversation in no time.
But I'm inconsistent.I know it because I'm moody.
I have good days ,bad days , average days , sad days.
So though it might be annoying for friends who expect a reply from me , through this post I wanna say please don't judge me.
I know it's easier to state that I'm insensitive but deep within me I'm just trying to cope up with my struggles.

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Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@SW-User oh yeah anxiety rules. LOL
That also comes with bipolar disorder pretty often.
I had a case of that and it was horrid.
Just flat out crushing.
I was so paranoid at that time because of it.
Do you take medication for the anxiety or actually anything?
I take a pile of pills morning noon and night to keep my stuff under control even at the level I am at now.

SW-User

@Dainbramadge i m messaging u privately

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@SW-User okay but I only sex chat in private messages so be prepared. LOL

Belladonna · 41-45, F

This feels aimed at me. I've been struggling with things and am to the point where I'd rather communicate on the main forum than through messaging. My heart got destroyed by someone I thought I loved. Not fun. Not going down that road again.

SW-User

@Belladonna It was not aimed at you. But i decided not to engage with you again.

Belladonna · 41-45, F

@SW-User Fair enough.

SW-User

Yeah some are like that, i think that they become uninterested in keep chatting for the most part.
Others are busy.. . To engage in a conversation it's more than just responding to posts I guess.
Anyway it's rare to find people to talk to frequently and that's mutual.
Others are kinda quiet.. Lots of reasons yeah.
💚
What I've learned isn't that they would always treat you like you do.

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SW-User

@SW-User i think the ones who block have some issues. Either inferiority complex or delusional superiority complex lol

SW-User

@SW-User or just fickle

SW-User

@SW-User yep perhaps!

Beatbox34 · 31-35, M

You're cool. My personal thing is people are hurt here. They may get scared to befriend someone.

Having been there, I know the feeling. But I care for people. I will always. That's what makes me and breaks me.

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Beatbox34 · 31-35, M

@SW-User Thank you so much for this 🤗. I'm here for you if you need anything. I mean that. I know I'm high but I don't lie.

SW-User

@Beatbox34 You are the sweetest person i know here about feels like we can understand each other. I may jole around most of the times but just as sensitive as u r.
Even if u r high ur nice and kind

Beatbox34 · 31-35, M

@SW-User I'm not perfect but I try. I know what it's like to be in pain so I'm there for anyone who needs me. That's just me. Thank you for being around 🤗

StarLily · 51-55, F

People are complex and the way we relate to each other even more so. I guess it would depend on how much you know about what's going on with that person.

If their struggling with some real life things then it can become overwhelming to keep up with online contacts as well as everything happening in offline life too.

On the other hand, people can just be plain jerks... only wanting to associate with you if you can make them feel better and validate everything about them, or they're toxic and get a rise out of mind games, intentionally hurting people, or good at deceiving and manipulating.

Sorry you're disappointed in how they behaved. Maybe they'll show back up and explain themselves. If not, then it's more than likely a blessing in disguise that they left.🤷‍♀️

SW-User

@StarLily it's funny but some suddenly started messaging privately after i posted this. But as i said if i could see them responding to common friends and being active here while ghosting me out and using me as per their convenience i ain't gonna allow them to do that anymore. I totally understand that shit goes on in our RL. Even mine does and I'm not the kind who isn't patient with my friends. I just find it weird when there's no rhyme or reason to ignore while they continue to message the common friends. Anyway i think.its best to keep a distance here and not them make them to use u as per convenience

StarLily · 51-55, F

@SW-User Yes, that's very smart. For sure don't allow yourself to be treated like a convenience.

SW-User

I know someone who was on here for a very long time and quit in a hurry when the wife of the guy she was cyber sexting / having an emotional affair with for a year caught him. A lot of people say they are in open marriages but neglect to inform their spouses. Shit can go south real quick.

OceanRoses · F

Be yourself, I don't understand people here? You find your ppl that compliment you and if not. Happiness, is inside have that you hold the key. Nothing to figure out no one pays our bills. Wish you ☮️

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

People are flighty, at least in my experience
I just figure when they stop messaging it's because I either no longer entertain them or they think I am full of Sh%t. LOL
Or maybe even that I have shared enough for them to realize there isn't as much in common as they first thought.
Or I am more boring in PMs than I am in comments.
Or they are just put off by sexy, buff clowns.

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Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@SW-User Well since you asked. Most of the women that message me want to role play.
What the ever lovin' hell????!!!!! LOL.
Ah crap. Who am I tryin' to fool.
I talk to anyone who messages me. :-)
I got this attention whore thing going on.
But I don't do sex chat. I normally segway that into music or cars. LOL
LOL.
Just in a sharing mood I guess. LOL.
Wanna know about my car???

SW-User

@Dainbramadge For 12 years i have worked for Audi and Jaguar and land rover🤣

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@SW-User Peanuts grow on trees. HA ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!
I love Jags.
This is a Jag kit car a buddy of mine made for some doctor.

PhilDeep · 51-55, M

It seems like online is many times just an immediate diversion for many and "friendships" throw-away things. So people are bored and idle couple of days, they'll be chatty, then disappear off. I tend to let people who I relate better with that I'm sometimes gone for days or weeks or months at a time; it's just how I use this place. That way hopefully the ones who really matter know I've not just ghosted them but I'll be back in my own time.

SW-User

@PhilDeep Ya that's understandable

SW-User

@PhilDeep true

stound

people don't make sense anywhere, though.

WhateverWorks · 36-40

For me it’s because I feel like the conversation went flat. I just have nothing to add and no desire to force the conversation to continue. Granted, none of my pms have gotten ‘meaningful’.

SW-User

@WhateverWorks ya that i understand because I'm that way too but i don't involve them emotionally. But I'm not talking about conversation that's not gone flat

caPnAhab · 26-30, M

I'll be completely honest, inconsistency is perhaps my worst flaw on sites like this.

That's exactly why I stick to just the questions and comments.

SW-User

@caPnAhab Exactly my point . Best to limit to posts and comments

smiler2012 · 56-60

you make a valid point here but i would not dwell on it too much there could be a perfectly legitimate reason. but if you get the other side of the coin trying to weigh that sort up will blow your mind so i would not bother about them personally [angel777]

SW-User

@smiler2012 my point is don't involve someone emotionally, keep a distance, don't say things you dont mean and then ghost out. And no i don't do that to people so i can't be on the other side. The guys i dont respond to anymore exactly know why i have distanced myself from them. I don't keep leaving people guessing

smiler2012 · 56-60

@SW-User sorry if you feel they are playing with your emotional heartstrings

SW-User

@smiler2012 That's why I'm gonna keep my distance now

Boleuskas · M

I never msg you, would you like me too?

SW-User

@Boleuskas hahahah i never have issues with most men

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SW-User

@chockaholic2020 I'm sorry you had to face the same. It's best to sometimes keep a distance. And i would love to interact with u

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SW-User

@chockaholic2020 haha no i wil do it

Vivaci

I’m very bad at pm’s so I’m clear about it with my friends since the first chat. Never led anyone to this type of expectation. Sorry they did this to you…

Hugsss…