Not sure if I'm ready

My therapist thinks I really need to start talking about my sister. I never do. Only the day she was killed. I rarely talk about her when she was alive because it hurts to much. But he feels it's is important for me to do this. I've pretty blocked out any good memories of her. I never think of them. I only think back to the that day! I just don't know if I can do this. He's not forcing me or anything it's just a recommendation that he thinks will help.

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Barefooter25 · 46-50, M

I am so sorry this happened to you. But you can't blame yourself. Unfortunately tragic things like this happen in life. If you can't talk to your therapist about it, at least confide in Joel. Your kids have a right to know about who their aunt was. 🌹🫂😟❤🩷

Coralmist · 41-45, F

I think it would be a kind of mental balm, over time, to talk about her being, her good traits that made her Her, and Maybe some good days you had together will slowly drift back into memory. Your mind numbed everything in survival or sadness/shame. But what occurred YOU COULD NOT have controlled. It was utterly an accident that happened..and her spirit is always alive. I think slowly talking over time will honor her even more 🩷🌹

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Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Cigarguy No you have never meant to be awful about any of it or her. Grief and shame are not our truth, that's all. It really hides our true being. Maybe you can slowly think of her and talk of her over time in therapy, and slowly bring her times with you to your kids as well ❤ I think they'd really like it, and you may too🌞

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@Coralmist I need to do something I can't keep carrying all the guilt, grief and fear around. Each year it gets worse and harder for me not better. I am doing so well, I can't spiral into depression right now.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Cigarguy I think if you can pivot your thought that it's your fault, that's the key. She'd never say that either, your sister. It's just not the truth. You deserve to feel her and talk about her..truly. I'm so sorry you were made to think you were the reason this happened but , it's not sensible, realistic, or what actually happened. Lots of hugs my friend 🫂

MyMonstersAreReal · F

This was a major reason why I stopped going to therapy because the main source of my trauma was the one thing I couldn’t talk about and every time we did talk about it it would send me on a fucking spiral and it just became too much but from my understanding it’s what’s needed to come to terms with the trauma to put it behind you. Maybe take it slow? Maybe try and if it’s too much be honest with your therapist. 🤗

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@MyMonstersAreReal thankfully he is pushing this on me. We start each season and he asks do you want to talk about her, I say yes or no. If I say no we talk about other things. I'm very lucky to have found him. He's the best therapist I've had so far.

4meAndyou · F

There's a reason for that. He wants you to escape from the day of the trauma, and go back in time to remember POSITIVE things about her life.

She deserves that. She deserves to be a bright and shining part of your life BEFORE what happened to her...and to you.

Her MEMORY deserves to shine.

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@4meAndyou I know you are right. I am just.... I don't feel I deserve to remember her because of what happened to her.

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YoMomma ·

😐

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YoMomma ·

@Cigarguy may i ask what happened to her or is it too personal?

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@YoMomma she was hit by a car and killed walking home from school. My parents had to pick me up at my school because I was having a hard day and wasn't allowed to ride the bus or walk home, it was too far. So they had to pick me up instead of her. It was cold and rainy and she got hit . She was killed instantly. It's a guilty I have never been able to get over

YoMomma ·

@Cigarguy oh 🙁 i think you mentioned this before in one of your stories.. i’m sorry this happened to you and her and your family.. obviously you can blame yourself for being the indirect cause of her death but you didn't do it intentionally it was a series of unfortunate events .. the weather the driving conditions your panic attacks the location of everything.. 😐 its not your fault and you couldn't help it or I'm sure you would have 🥹 sigh.. you should talk about her and the wonderful person that she was when she was 🥹 i know its hard and painful to remember happy memories when the person is gone so prematurely but 😭 you should remember her and talk about her and don't take all the guilt on yourself because you are innocent.. blame the rain if anything 😢

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