Is it possible to heal together?

Does sharing the grief help or does it make things worse?
It's hard handling this on my own
It's like a heavy weight tied to my back

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onrealityofdreams · M

It's not only possible it's therapeutic. So many people have been helped and still are by sharing their grief with others, especially those who have gone/are going through a similar pain.
It's starts on a site like this. It may continue with real life groups. You'd be surprised how many people in your immediate area are carrying something within them that they'd love to share.

Pretzel · 70-79, M

you never really share it - you express it and another person that cares lets you know that they care.

saying it out loud takes its power away - even if only briefly.

sounds like your in the four stage - next will come acceptance

there's no set time for it..one day you'll realize that two or three days have kind of strung together and you didn't feel the grief you feel now.

we're rooting for you

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Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

@Pretzel I am sorry that you went through that at such a young age
I don't pretend to know that kind of grief I've never experienced that it must have been horrific.

Pretzel · 70-79, M

@Justmeraeagain in my case I went numb
then hated her for a decade

then finally allowed myself to understand

it's been half a century - the pain is gone - the memories of the pain are there

and thanks - death is death no matter how you get there -

it happens to us all and it is with good reason called "the great equalizer"

there is a paraphrase of Socrates saying that goes "the ungrieved Ife was one not worth living"

your pain is evidence that he was a good man - we need more of him

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

@Pretzel He was a patient and very gentle person.
I had a nephew who committed suicide at a very young age.
It was devastating I remember, but having a parent do it when you're so young that would be really hard.

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

Well my response is going to fall very pale compared to Pretzel's but I will give it a shot anyway.

Yes it is possible and is way more likely to happen if you attempt to share what you are going through with the other person involved.
But the trick is to share openly without judgment or expectation of receiving the response you are looking for.
Kind of like love. We all think that love should be returned equally but in reality that really isn't what loving someone is.
To love someone is to give yourself to them with no expectation of return.
So maybe this helps with what you are going through or maybe I should say no to the third cup of coffee. :-)

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

@Dainbramadge I do agree with what you say about love most people believe self love is the most important, but giving yourself for someone else is actually much more rewarding and brings much more peace to one's mind.

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@Justmeraeagain It really does and you worded that so well.
I hate when people refer to their relationships as 50/50.
It's not like that. LOL.

I found this out about love NOT with my ex-wife but my kids.
Even though I treated the ex the same way I do the kids I never realized it in an actual complete thought until I was thinking about how my kids rarely say thank you for stuff that I do for them.
But I was surprised when I realized that, that it actually made me happy that they don't think that me doing stuff for them is out of lines enough that they would think to thank me. Does that make sense at all? LOL
I had crap parents that would feed and cloth me and that was about it.
So when my kids don't realize I am doing anything thank worthy that means I am everything my parents weren't. :-)

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

@Dainbramadge When they are grown they will then begin to know how much you've done for them.
If they have children of their own that's when they start to realize it's not a matter of having to do something for someone -it was pure love.

Piper · 61-69, F

I don't know for sure, but I think so. What I do know, is that just talking about my grief, and the person I'm feeling all the kinds of pain of losing them to death involves, has sometimes made the weight of it a little less heavy for awhile.

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

@Piper I am sorry that you have gone through this experience.
It is to date the hardest thing I've ever gone through

Piper · 61-69, F

@Justmeraeagain Thank you, and my heart goes out to you. Not because I think know what you are feeling, but because I can imagine and sort of feel it.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

The only way I was able to get through my grief was to share it with people who had been through the same thing, like close friends and in online and offline groups, like GriefShare.

Nume25 · 31-35, FNew

Honestly i think it makes it worse everyone clings to negativity instead of moving past it

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