Not only is it "okay" not to pretend and admit to one's feelings... it's actually a sign of strength and authenticity. Being honest about one's feelings can be incredibly liberating and allows for genuine connections with others. It's about embracing the importance of emotional awareness and expression.
Even through heartache and grief, it sounds like you have your head on straight. You are prioritizing your needs without the need of having to put on "airs" or pretending to be joyful and all. That's the way it should be.
One should not be expected to act any certain type of way, no matter the situation. I certainly wouldn't do it. I didn't do it when my husband died in 2005, and I'm not a person to pretend. That's the beauty of loving oneself and not feeling the need to make sure everyone is comfortable while you're suffering.
There are no rules for grieving. It's okay to act anyway you feel. Regardless of who likes it or who doesn't. It's not about them, and if they try to make it about them, that's their problem, not yours. They don't get to determine how they think we should act. That's nonsense. You're carefully listening to yourself and not placing any unnecessary pressure on yourself, and that's really great. I'm really proud of you. Society can get really weird. They need to get with it, and I think they finally are realizing that it's okay to not be okay! It's okay to be anything we want to be. Or grieve however long we wish to grieve. Be true to thine own self.
I think it's ridiculous for people to try and fit in. You're making progress even if you can't see it and you set the rules. Never feel guilty about that. It's a process and you go at your own speed. No explaining to anyone else, necessary. When you do that, they think they own you and they try to put pressure on you to do this or that and start asking questions. Not going to happen. Not in my house. I'm not one bit afraid to admit the truth, if somebody asked me a question. If they didn't want to know the truth, then they shouldn't have asked. It's called freedom, and I treasure it.
It's a great world in which one can thrive that way. Take your time, take good care of yourself, and don't extend yourself too much, when you're not up to it. You'll need plenty of rest and loving self-care. God will get you through this. He knows exactly what you're going through. And he draws near to the brokenhearted.
"God is near to the brokenhearted" comes from Psalm 34:18 in the Bible, meaning God draws close to those experiencing deep emotional pain, loss, or despair... offering comfort, strength, and rescue. Not abandoning them in their suffering, but meeting them in their vulnerability, to provide healing and hope, even when they feel weakest.
It's been a year and four months for me. At times I feel almost normal, other times the smallest things trigger me, the flashing lights of an ambulance, one of his favourite songs on the radio, a random stranger wearing his aftershave or even my neighbours car headlights cause my brain still wants to think he's coming home. I just want to say be kind to yourself. Ask for help if that's what you need, let yourself feel sad, cry if you need to cry. Grief is bitter sweet in some ways, we were lucky to have loved so deeply. The pain now is evidence of how deep that love was. Hugs to you xx
The first Christmas after losing someone we love is never a happy one. Others have to understand that and not expect you to be festive, except for the kids who really aren't old enough to understand these things. I like that you are making this Christmas all about them.
