Six Months 😔

A few more days, and it will be six months since my husband passed away.
I cannot believe it's been that many months ago.
I haven't adjusted, and not sure I ever will.
Right now I don't want to.
It's too lonely and heartbreaking to pretend that I am okay.
I will muddle through it and be glad when I can put all the fake gaiety of Christmas behind me.
Not celebrating the New Year's at all.
Never did celebrate that very much anyway.
There will come a time when things are not as painful as they are right now, but that is not now.
I think it's okay not to pretend and admit to one's feelings.
Everything this year is for the grandkids, perhaps next year I will feel the joy of Christmas agian, but this year I mourn what should have been.