I need help

Bless you.

I/we went through that life chapter a couple of times. The best way to describe it is like you are living the life you scripted and progressing towards the happy ending in the final chapter, but then you turn to the next page and it's a complete blank, as are all the pages till the end of the book. And you have no motivation to even pick up a pencil to start refilling those blank pages.

Bad things happen to good people. And somehow, when bad things happened to me I became more aware of the bad things that happened to others, like we have a code, or an odor that others detect, and you become acutely aware of just how much misfortune and misery happens. Like how many times did someone tell me "I have someone I think you should meet", or just pick them out of a crowd. I know so many murder victims, suicides. Otherwise strangers.

In some strange way, learning of someone else's misfortunes help me come to terms with my own. Like it spread my grief to cover the misfortunes of thousands, millions rather than just my own. And watching others survive and come to an accommodation was indirectly the light at the end of my own tunnel.

For a while I belonged to a Compassionate Friends group that was made up of parents who had lost their children. In that group were absolute horror stories, people whose children were kidnapped and murdered, parents with multiple suicide children, and with all that came a sense of belonging to a community of millions. all finding an accommodation for the bad things that happened to them and their love ones. There's no forgetting, grief never ends, so the only thing left was to find a way to accommodate what you and your love ones went through.

So here's a hint: people can be happy and sad at the same time. You can enthusiastically celebrate a family member's birthday while still grieving over something that happened a year ago. It takes a little practice but you'll eventually get the hang of it. Jut remember that you are not alone. Bad things happen to good people.

I’m so very sorry for all your losses. Perhaps grief counseling and/or a grief support group might help. I attended one at a local hospital and another through an organization called GriefShare. They have groups throughout the US. Just helped to talk with others who were also experiencing loss. Made me feel less alone.

Loss never really goes away, and unfortunately it is a natural part of the cycle of life. Worse yet and still it is when someone takes their life by their own hand that leaves a hole in our lives. The only thing I can say is this. Those who have gone on before us for whatever reason are not suffering anymore and if they were looking down right now and they truly cared for you like you did them do you think that they would want to see you suffering because of it? The answers absolutely not. The other thing that I can tell you is those that have passed on are never truly gone as long as you carry that love and memories within your heart and you can speak to them anytime you wish and they hear you. Graves are not for the Dead. The dead have moved on they are for the living so that we have something to focus on when we mourn. I know it hurts and it never truly goes away but it does get better with time and acceptance. And the knowledge that you too will see them again one day and this time it will be forever

When i lost my children i was the same way. Its like everyone else around me moved on. They went back to work after the funerals including my husband, i was still on maternity leave and yet I'm the one still here with the hole and the emptiness. While life went on for them. I went from buying baby cribs and baby clothing to picking out shoebox sized coffins. This happened twice within a year and a half of each other.. i had to pick outfits for them to be buried in. I couldn't eat, i couldn't sleep. The only thing that made it better was time. In time i realized that i have got to get up and get moving. This isn't me. I'm still alive! You will heal! When the time is right for you. You have to pull strength that you didnt even know that you had.

When my son committed suicide I was equally numb but then I had a revelation from God. A few days later my daughter had the same vision. Having lost parents and cousins and aunts and uncles and in laws ...... There is hope. PM me if would like to chat.

Oh god... the pain is too much and I can only pray for you. Perhaps you should try therapy, it might help.
I know it is too hard, you have my condoleances... I'm so sorry.

you are so fucking strong. you are experiencing an unimaginable amount of loss. i am so sorry this is happening to you. cry and feel your feelings. i think the way you're responding to all this grief is completely normal and how you're supposed to react. your whole world has changed. can your husband help carry your burden? can he help clean? is he supporting you?

i wish i had magic words to make things better but i don't. i don't know if you use reddit but i think you should strongly consider looking into r/griefsupport. there's a lot of lovely people who will lend an ear for you, and many have gone through some of what you have gone through as well

I dunno how I can help you, but if you need a sympathetic ear, I'm here.
I also had a big loss this year.

🙁 sorry for all your many losses 🥲 that’s a lot..

Oh, love, I'm so so very sorry

Try this