I need help

In November I lost my aunt and my Grandmother. In January my Dad developed pneumonia and spent three months in the hospital to be released home on hospice. Beginning of May my two oldest son’s best friend committed suicide. A boy I helped raise who was at my house all the time. I cooked for him, babysat him, was at all his ball games.

A week later our sweet lab had a tragic accident and I watched my frantic husband use all his medical knowledge to try to save him to no avail. The following week May 25th my Dad passed. My whole world just shattered at that point.

I’m broken. I can’t clean, I can’t cook. It’s been 3 days since I’ve even showered. My once neat tidy home is a train wreck. I can’t even figure out where to begin. I walk around numb. Tears just fall all the time. Too many memories everywhere.

There’s so much going on besides all that like financial difficulties and issues with a family member. Things I could handle normally with ease but right now it’s too much.

I can’t watch the news because all the things happening around the world paralyze me.

How do I get back to normal. How do I do this. My person that always calmed me always had an ear for me always comforted me. My Dad. Is gone now.

My mom is just broken. 61 years with the love of her life and it’s all just gone. I can be strong for her while I’m around her but I leave and just fall apart.

I feel like I can’t do this anymore it’s too hard too painful but giving up isn’t an option so here I am. I’m just here.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

Heartlander · 80-89, M

Bless you.

I/we went through that life chapter a couple of times. The best way to describe it is like you are living the life you scripted and progressing towards the happy ending in the final chapter, but then you turn to the next page and it's a complete blank, as are all the pages till the end of the book. And you have no motivation to even pick up a pencil to start refilling those blank pages.

Bad things happen to good people. And somehow, when bad things happened to me I became more aware of the bad things that happened to others, like we have a code, or an odor that others detect, and you become acutely aware of just how much misfortune and misery happens. Like how many times did someone tell me "I have someone I think you should meet", or just pick them out of a crowd. I know so many murder victims, suicides. Otherwise strangers.

In some strange way, learning of someone else's misfortunes help me come to terms with my own. Like it spread my grief to cover the misfortunes of thousands, millions rather than just my own. And watching others survive and come to an accommodation was indirectly the light at the end of my own tunnel.

For a while I belonged to a Compassionate Friends group that was made up of parents who had lost their children. In that group were absolute horror stories, people whose children were kidnapped and murdered, parents with multiple suicide children, and with all that came a sense of belonging to a community of millions. all finding an accommodation for the bad things that happened to them and their love ones. There's no forgetting, grief never ends, so the only thing left was to find a way to accommodate what you and your love ones went through.

So here's a hint: people can be happy and sad at the same time. You can enthusiastically celebrate a family member's birthday while still grieving over something that happened a year ago. It takes a little practice but you'll eventually get the hang of it. Jut remember that you are not alone. Bad things happen to good people.