I was in an industrial accident with my friend. The explosion almost killed me… I knew in the moment I couldn’t help him. I cried out his name in that black smoke.
My mother and sister came to my job to tell me when my husband and son had been killed. My husband had my father’s phone number on him, so that was who the authorities called.
2018? When my marriage was destroyed and my best friend started spreading lies about me and my situation and I lost EVERYTHING.
August 2022? When there wasn't a week that I didn't recieve word that someone else in my life was no longer in my life. Starting with one of the best men I have ever met in my life. The one person who kept me from ridding myself of all of the misery and pain, by staying by my side EVERY day and helped me navigate through it. I miss you Bear. 💔
This morning? As we plan out what we needs to happen today. *Focus on your breathing. Hear your heartbeat. Do not close your eyes. Stay in this moment. These are the things that you can control right now.*
I go through this exercise a dozen times a day. Just to keep it between the lines. You see I am watching over 2 of my favorite people in this world. Because 1 one of em has been battling cancer that should have killed him 3 years ago. 2 strokes about 2 months ago. But he is still here. Right now he is in rehab and my brother and I are holding everything in his life together and prepping the apartment for when he comes home. It ain't easy in the least bit. He is starting to give up. And both me and my brother have noticed the signs. 💔
My brother. He is some piece of work. I have been watching and visiting and sometimes sending him into the hospital over the last year. He is dying of heart failure. He heart as actually been restarted 3 times in these past 3 months.
I am here because I get trapped my by own words. In a moment of "carefree" insanity I pledge my loyalty to these men *at diffent moments* By telling them to their face that I would always stand by there side. Whether they right or wrong. So long as they do not make a fool of us with the results. If hear a declaration fall out of my mouth, (no matter what sobriety level I happened to be camped out at that particular moment) my mind and this absolutely insane, sense of honor will bind me to a pledge of the smallest decree. *heavy sigh*
When they are gone I think that I shall seek out the deadliest person that I can find and hire them to turn me into a huge, beautiful , loud , destructive, hot, life threating explosion. That vaporizers my existence.
So that I can't be of any use or threat to anybody ever again. 🤔
It could be not being told of their deaths nor invited to their respective funerals.
It could be the second will that instead 100% of a large estate left me as a named person specifically in the will to receive nothing, regardless of being their only living child.
@Jenny1234 You could if it was just me being omitted. But, when you’re specifically named to receive nothing, you can’t fight anything other than my father not being of sound mind and body. I was told through my lawyer when he spoke with the estate attorney that it was my mother’s dying wish. She’d passed many years earlier.
I left the family business and went out on my own. Neeedless to say, it wasn’t well received.
You just have to move on sometimes. My first marriage was another example. The woman was Catholic, so my parents refused to attend. For a wedding present, they mailed me back my college loans via certified mail.
When my so told me in the middle of an argument, that if we'd be in a video game right now she would shoot me in the head. I know in hindsight it just seems a bit funny, but in the moment it felt way too real and I just broke
I lost my job while my mom was on hospice, she died under a week later, and my father declared the following day that I had a month and a half to move our of the only home I had ever known so my estranged half sister and her family could move in and live 2 years rent free while they fixed it up to sell. It had been previously agreed before my mom slipped into a coma that I would live there with my boyfriend and that arrangement was supposed to be for me to fix up the place.
Instead I lost my family, my ability to provide for myself and my home all in a weeks time and felt I had no choice but to move in with my abusive boyfriend. I was an emotional wreck for a few months and barely cared for myself.
When we put my dog Jasper down. I was with my Mum and Dad. They say it's better for them if someone from their family is there so I'm glad we were there but just letting him go like, was so sad.
Last year, I went through so much I almost left everything behind to find an isolated place to die alone. I broke up with my bestfriend/girlfriend of almost 2 years (knew her for about 9) shortly after I lost a dog violently, few months later I lost another dog violently and had to put down my dog the morning after. And because i knew i couldnt protect her i packed as much medical equipment and spare food/water as i could carry and walked like 3 hours away to the middle of nowhere, and upon resting i figured a life of starving, waiting for the next meal wasnt soemthing she deserved, so ultimately i walked all the way back. I still feel like absolute shit, but unfortunetly there wasnt much i could do. Lo and behold at the end of the year my cat died of a very bad infection. Last year was by far the worst year of my life.
Everyday, since my depression started. The pains of being depressed. The hopelessness and sadness linger. The feeling of wanting to die, though you can never go through with that because it’s against your belief.
