Are you an introvert? Do you try to change yourself for everyone to like you?

@cherokeepatti i wish i can be more assertive in saying no.

@Tellmeaboutyourself I am now.

@dancingtongue thanks a lot for your advice. I would definitely read up the book, i was actually searching for some.

@Manfredthemanic true, changing is draining too. Moulding for others takes such a toll

@Oneofthestormboys yes, flexible is another word for it. But lately, I feel im not being true to myself and fake enjoying the outings. So i used the word 'change'. But need to be more optimistic in life as you said 👍👍

@Tellmeaboutyourself Honestly, I really do know what you’re saying. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to go out, it’s absolutely not for everyone. I used to detest nightclubs when I was younger, as they stink, rip you off, and the music is total shite - if I have to go out then I’d much prefer a pub or a restaurant with just a small group of people or just one other person. Otherwise I can amuse myself at home just fine. It’s all about what suits you, and never mind what other people think.

@cherokeepatti I'm not a people-hater, either. Not at all. I really love people. But I have a hard time spending time with them, especially a whole lot of them at once. People think I'm anti-social because I isolate so much. But I'm only non-social. And, I do have a hard time opening up to people due to trauma from narcissistic abuse and betrayal. I'm not on guard when I'm alone, but can easily get triggered into guarded-ness with others.

@PhoenixPhail yeah same way. It was narcissistic abuse from an early age on with family members, so much chaos and having to be on guard and manipulativeness and their flying monkeys to support them. I want genuine people around me who don’t play those power games and create chaos.

@cherokeepatti That's what I want around me, too. Sometimes, it's hard for me to find those people who don't play power games and create chaos. I've seen several of them on SW. I blocked one just a couple days ago. I always try to work things out with people and give them the benefit of the doubt, etc., but some people are so insistent on arguing and playing the right/wrong game, the only practical thing I can do is leave them.

@Freetime last line gave me a lot to think about. Thank you ❤

@Tellmeaboutyourself You're very welcome.

@PhoenixPhail I have never been assertive and called a push over. Lately even im changing too, cheers!

@Tellmeaboutyourself I think we have to change. Either that or die.

@1490wayb I never had friends in younger years. In my 20s when i jpined university, i forcefully tried to socialize and made few friends. You are really an introvert by standard definition. I was just wearing a mask and acting as i had to know few people to make things work in uni

@Tellmeaboutyourself Yes, I feel for you. There will always be some who feel slighted when you turn down their invitations despite your explanation of being an introvert.They either don't get it or think you can just snap out of it to do them the favor. Don't worry, if they don't stick around, you don't need friends like them who are not empathetic to you.

@LilMissAnonyMOUSE yes, this is exactly the problem everytime. Im glad i have people in this forum who can understand such problems. I wish my real life friends were such understanding

@Tellmeaboutyourself Don't worry, those who have understanding hearts will accept you for what you are. It is important though to nurture your friendship, so once in a while do make the effort of reaching out even by phone to ask how they are. It's an effort to force ourselves to be social but trust me, for our mental health, being completely introvert and not talking and seeing anyone at all isn't healthy.Introvertion will lead to extreme reclusion and that is dangerous for you because you will not even call out for help if you need it one day. Being a moderate introvert is fine,you'll still be in control of your life. I wish you good luck!☺️

@SomeMichGuy Everyone is expected to be full of energy and high. I am quite calm and sober by nature and it really puts me under stress as you mentioned that i have to fit into particular standards. Had this issue since teenage but now i feel im old to think about such things and just let it be and stay alone

@Tellmeaboutyourself "E"s on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator tend to wear out "I"s, so I think I get your energy comment.

If you understand that _your_..."energy" comes from things more inside you, that helps, and you might even have that as a conversation with someone(s) in the group, a person or people with whom you feel more connected.

As for the high thing...that gives me pause. Either you are into drinking, drugs, etc., or you aren't. I am not into any of that. Neighbors seem to treat any social occasion as a reason to have (need?) drinks. I don't understand it, they don't understand me. Oh well.

@TheOneyouwerewarnedabout It’s always funner thinking back to those days. Didn’t care for high school much, senior year was the best for me as I was gone for a job in the afternoon that was part of an office training class. Our school was divided between the wealthy business and professional class and blue-collar class and it wasn’t pleasant. Junior high was easier because it was mostly students of blue-collar parents. We were simpler in our entertainment etc.

@stound thank you ❤