Would you take objection if your spouse wanted to keep photos of his/her late spouse on the parlour walls?

Her mother needs to mind her own business and not disrupt this marriage. After all, SHE'S not the bride. She's the troublemaker in this situation. The couple needs to move as far away from her as they can get. If it's this way now, what will she do next and how long will she interfere in the marriage, is the problem. If the bride had been troubled by these pictures, she would have said so in the beginning, but she never even brought the subject up so they could discuss it, so she was fine with it until her mother butted in. 😡

This sounds like a conflict between MIL and husband, and the girl is caught in the crossfire.

The mother either wants control of the marriage or she wants her daughter back.

It is now the girl's choice. Does she want her mother or her husband?

The bride doesn't seem very mature, herself. Did she marry mommy or her husband? Is she going to run to mommy every time there's a problem or is her mother going to butt in every time they have a problem? They need to get this straightened out right now! That mother needs to be put in her place. She has no business butting in their affairs.

I know a couple who met at a widow/widower support group and got married.
They have a picture of each of their first spouses side by side on a shelf.


In this case, the situation is not symmetric like that. And what you say at the end indicates that this marriage is within a culture that is different from my own. In particular, the role of a mother-in-law in a marriage might not be what I am used to. But it sounds to me as if the wife had no objections until her mother showed up.

But to answer your question about how I would react: If I were single and dating a widow, I would get a sense of how she remembered her first husband and how she thought of me. My decision would not be about a photo, it would be about her attitudes. If I was comfortable with all that, and we fell in love and got married, I would be fine with a photo displayed somewhere in the house.

His late wife was (assuming they had a good relationship) a very important part of his life. Having photos of good memories is a good thing and a good reason to keep them up. No reason to take them down. If the wife and mother in law are feeling insecure then THAT is the problem that needs addressing. Maybe they need more reassurance?

I married man who was previously divorced. His ex was a big part of his life for awhile. I am his wife now and feel secure in my relationship. I have no problem that some.photos in our shared digital photo frame include a few.good memories from those days. It doesn't change the present to have photos of the past up.

It seems like such a silly grievance of the mother in law to demand the photos come down. How about putting MORE photos up so the wall Includes photos of the new wife too. :)

That's how I see it. But I also know in some.places in the world it's more culturally acceptable to put away one's late spouse:s stuff and.photos when you remarry- so idk
Maybe people just have to decide what is right for themselves and their relationship in this case?

Burn it down and take his money

That's a trick subject.
Firstly, I know the mother is looking out for her daughters best interest, but she needs to stay out of it.
Secondly, she new wife needs to be patient with him. The passing of a spouse takes time to mend.
Thirdly, the new wife needs to calming and rationally talk with the husband about moving things around to make it her own.
Fourthly, the husband may need help in letting go of some things. Not necessarily throwing them away, but relocating them or just putting them away for safe keeping.

As a widower I have come to the realization that she isn't coming back and have had to make some changes of my own. Of course, I do not have a new wife either, but still change in small steps have been made.

I hope they can work this out. Open and honest communication is a must. Both have to be willing to compromise. But new wife needs to realize it isn't going to happen overnight. The change will come for him though.

Tell the mother in law to eff off. 15 years is a long time to know someone, pretending she doesn't exist does't erase the love he had for his wife, his new wife should recognise that part of his life, and not feel threatened by it.

As long as he doesn't obsess or compare her to the departed lady the relationship should be fine.

In the cases of marriage with widow/widower, it's the responsbility of both partners that they forget the past relationship by showing love and affection for each other.

That’s stupid. Maybe he’s just lazy to even take down the photos- it doesn’t mean anything. The mother in law is childish and delusional.

🤔Well, if he paid the family to marry her, the family needs to stay out of it.

Well if they were nudes, yeah I would take exception.

Me personally, I wouldn’t mind them keeping the photos, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with them being hung up in our home. It would suggest to me that he hasn’t moved on, and perhaps attempted to remarry too quickly. Of course, these are conversations I would’ve had with him before we ever got engaged even.

I would not object to the pictures, I’d be more concerned if he or she ignored their dead spouse’s existence. The man should divorce her immediately, she is heartless and self centered.

[b]If I pass before my spouse I want her to keep a glossy 8x10 of my ugly mug right on the dresser looking down over the marital bed so I can keep an eye on her and her new hubbies nocturnal activities.....[/b]

J/K of course.

I say "good for him" and to the MIL I say "butt out".
And to the new bride I say: She is dead and is no threat to you or your marriage.

Hmm. Honestly I wouldn’t be fond of the idea. But at the same time, if I were on the opposite side, I would probably want at least one photo out somewhere. I’m sure they could come to a compromise, but they have to talk and be willing to understand each other’s perspective.

If he's moved on enough to get married again, he can move on further to take down the photos.

He can keep one picture for her memory.

Strange thing to be worrying about the dead coming back to steal a spouse.
That being said, the man is not helping himself with photos. He can’t totally move on if he keeps them everywhere.

Seems like she married someone that is not truly over the loss of his wife. It's a tough situation that I feel I'd have to be ok with keep the memories but I think she's in a tough situation

I would have no problem if he wanted to. Sounds like the mother in-law has the problem

Different places different rules ,,, not my place to tell them what to do ,,

no not at all. It's just a photo at the end of the day. lol

What country is this in?

There's all kinds of problems in this scenario.

love is forever, even beyond the grave

People should Step in any relationship Knowingly.

What business is it of yours?

yeah that's all kinds of stupid 🤦‍♀️

I'd hope never to be in that position. You can't just throw away 15 years of memory, but also how does the new wife feel.

Difficult although in the above case MIL sounds horrible with no empathy.

no

Are you igbo?

I could see it being an issue if there were tons of photos all over the house, but a few photos here and there should not be problematic.

I would be concerned that the mother in law is going to set out to make me miserable and the influence she has over her daughter will allow her to do it.

If I did, I'd probably try to keep it to myself.

what the crap lol...