I Want a Lover Who Is Also My Best Friend

@mystique, I believe that success in relationships and friendships depends on balance. There has to be a balance of energy and interest, or the relationship becomes unhealthy. To maintain the right energy level, there has to be good - and brutally honest - communication between the partners.

In the situation you describe, it sounds like he burned out sexually, like so many men do. Do you have the kind of communication with him that allows the two of you to talk honestly about that, even if it hurts you? Most couples talk about the wrong issues.

@cool2030, at first I thought you were talking about some kind of sexual meditation like tantra, which I could easily see being a very profound communication technique for a couple. I guess that was not your focus. I understand how your technique might help you determine your own desire, but ultimately I do not believe that the momentary drifts of emotion are things that any of us can rely on. Relationships are complex and you just have to build foundations on communication and time.

I found an interesting approach to this question. I go into a meditation and think of my (potential) lover. I find her wave length and then follow it, slowly, step by step. If I end up right inside her in my meditation and feel totally well while being there, I know I have a really strong connection to her. This relationship has great potential. It is surprising how many times one just feels a desire to make love (we are all constructed that way biologically), but there is no real inner connection with the person in question. Also, the connection can be very partial, sometimes present and many times not. One has to be totally honest with oneself, and this is one way of finding out about one's deep innermost feelings.

Relationships are often friendships punctuated by love. The love component can vary and it can at times become dominant. Can it ever become dominant on a permanent basis? It doesn't look so for me, not at this point any way. It becomes stronger and then it wanes again, just to become dominant again another time. That's how I would answer the first question. On the second question: this is a meditation that only came to me about a month ago, and I found that it has clarified my innermost feelings very well since then. I now know exactly how I feel, and it makes it easy to understand when my emotions are not where they have been at other times. So I'm likely going to use this meditation again in the future.

Sure, great, it would be fun to talk as soon as we get messaging. But in the meanwhile, it's really quite simple. It's much like any meditation: hold a picture of the person in front of you, look at it for, say 30 seconds, then close your eyes, let go of any other thoughts, feel the quiet in yourself while concentrating on the colors in the picture you remember, particularly the eyes, then feel yourself intuitively advancing -- or not advancing -- towards the person. If you feel a strong attraction, your intuition will eventually take you right into the person. If you don't, or not at that time, you'll keep on seeing or feeling the person at a certain distance. They may keep smiling at you, but you know that they are (at least at that time) on a different wave length. When I started doing that, I found that my biology reacts spontaneously to this inner message, so I know when the moment is right for an approach and when it's better to await another moment, or to forget about the story altogether!

Pone22, I fully agree, relationships are complex and emotions vary considerably. And indeed, communication can go a long way to find the Other. But even in an established relationship, communication can only take you so far, since we are all captured by our limitations and by a multitude of personal objectives. Then we get very confused about why the relationship doesn't work or hasn't worked for awhile, or why after all the talking, one doesn't get beyond a certain point. To find one's clear inner advice, I've found this meditation to be really excellent. It will tell me where our inner links are at any one point and how strong they are in the first place -- if there are links at all.

Mystique, on the soul question: this term is terribly overloaded and leads to much useless confusion, so I avoid it as much as I can. Call this a visualization technique if you will. I simply take notice of what happens in my mental eye that I "hook up" to my emotional self. I try to advance towards the person, and my emotional self either stops me in my tracks, or it lets me advance. It's sort of cute how it does that. So the way I understand this, the method lets me visualize a crucial emotional knowledge and attraction. If you like, I can get the subconscious to show me visually what my emotional self experiences.

@cool2030 that is a very interesting approach. But there are different types of relationships and connections with people. Are you refering to friendship or love?? Or both. And how is your approach working out for you? Any success? I'd like to hear more.

We should talk sometime if you want to. I am interested to hear what kind op meditation you do and how you do it.

So you believe that humans have a spirit or soul then? Because how else will you reach them?