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I think it’s finally over…

I’m an intelligent, logical woman yet I’ve allowed myself to get caught up in a fantasy for several years. So many broken promises followed by love bombing and more promises that things will change. I, of course, am part of the problem because I allowed and enabled this behavior. No more. I finally called it quits last night after several years of this. Now I just have to refrain from reaching out to him, which is incredibly difficult. My heart is broken but I deserve better, as do all of you going through something similar. We should start a support group…

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CookieCrumbs · F

Remind yourself of this, and you'll find the strength not to give in:

My heart is broken but I deserve better,

The heart will heal - eventually. Just be patient because it will take time.

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@CookieCrumbs I’m certainly trying my best. Thank you for the kind words

LadyGrace · 70-79

Well you're right and I'm so glad you can see this now. It is a lesson in futility. Things like these hurt because it feels personal but we have to remember that everyone has their personal preferences and it's not always us. And that's okay. Another reason these things hurt is because sometimes we're not even grieving over the person, but what we THOUGHT we had. Big difference! Stay away and get excited about what your next friend or partner will look like and think how exciting it will be when you find each other. He's looking for you, just as you are looking for him. Think on those things, and leave the past buried, where it belongs. You're not going that way!

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@LadyGrace thank you for the wise words and support!

LadyGrace · 70-79

@AlwaysAlexis You're welcome honey. 🌹🙌🤗

LadyGrace · 70-79

I forgot to tell you that you're a beautiful lady and you'll have no problem finding Mr. Right. Just make sure that you choose carefully and get someone you deserve that will treat you right. You're smart and you will recognize even the small red flags. We don't want anyone who's controlling. 🌹

ShadowedWhispers

Getting divorced after twenty years of marriage next month. If that pic is you, then you’re pretty cute and you’ll do fine. Just take some time being okay with you before complicating it with someone else. Running from relationship to relationship, is a recipe for disaster. Keep in mind, I’m talking to myself as well as you. ha ha.

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AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@ShadowedWhispers I know this is intrusive, but what served as the catalyst for your divorce?

ShadowedWhispers

@AlwaysAlexis I don’t have a single catalyst I can boil it down to because there were many mitigating things that made it all toxic. I posted about it to a friend here but it’s kind of a lot to read. I’d be happy to copy and post if you want, but I thought I’d warn ya first.

ShadowedWhispers

@AlwaysAlexis and you’ve been pretty polite and kind, I don’t mind sharing.

poshnaturist · 51-55, M

The good thing is that you finally recognised their behaviour and despite allowing it to happen, you have now taken ownership and control of the situation (I've been in a similar situation).

It's tough now but you'll be fine. Stay strong and remember why you ended it.

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poshnaturist · 51-55, M

@AlwaysAlexis Good for you. I drifted along for too long allowing my ex to behave the way she did before I eventually saw the light.
I then had to endure her narcissistic behaviour and vitriol following the separation but that became easier with time and when I took back control.
Good luck getting through this 💪🏻

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@poshnaturist thank you! It’s been a challenging few days and I know there are several more ahead of me. I appreciate the words of encouragement!

poshnaturist · 51-55, M

@AlwaysAlexis You will come out the other end, stronger and happier

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

Going no contact with someone you once loved or at least cared for really deeply can be tough and take some strength but you can do it!

I hope you're letting yourself feel a little pride over setting up and maintaining a healthy boundary over someone who had hurt you. 🤗 Some cycles are so hard to break.

robertsnj · 56-60, M

I am sorry for your pain. You seem like a really good catch I think good things on your horizon. Your openess charm and physical beauty are all huge assets.

I think it is important when one moves on that they do, as you did and absorb some of the blame instead of pushing it all to the other person. That shows a level of maturity that many people do not have.

You and the others like you DO NEED a support group. Wish yall collectively would make one on here. I think only good things could happen from it.

here is a pineapple for comic relief.... 🍍

PoetryNEmotion · F

@robertsnj I think a support group would not be a good thing. It reminds me of the Sexless Marriage forum on EP. I remember seeing so much negativity there. Depression. Anxiety. And anger. Lots of that. It was the largest forum on EP. I think many still are members on the site elsewhere. I know that everyone who left their marriages behind were the better for it. Only one from EP who is here now-a female-said she was returning to her companionship relationship. She never really gave it a try. Pity on her. I agree with what you said about taking some responsibility. I think we, as women, like to fantasize and to fall in love with potential even online where fantasy is a big part of the attraction. She is not a fish. So using :"catch" seems in poor taste.

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@PoetryNEmotion I was on EP but not that forum…I certainly don’t want to spread negativity given that it only fuels the fire. But what about a group of people who just encourage one another to have a growth mindset?

PoetryNEmotion · F

@AlwaysAlexis It sounds good. I think that people who struggle in a situation tend to focus upon the negatives. It is the human way. You need people who want to move on and not linger in feelings of less than what you need ie happiness, growth, positivity, etc. If you can gather people like that, a group might work. Misery does love company. Good luck. Put your last sentence in the group as the philosophy.

PoetryNEmotion · F

Reality has a sharp bite. Just do not contact him. Think about all the time you have wasted here. Fantasies cost time. And you are old enough to know how valuable time is. I suggest you find someone real and authentic closer to your locale. You deserve the best kind of real love. Love yourself enough to not settle for anything less. Now get out there and evolve. You shall find him on your way.

SW-User

I agree a support group should be first and foremost. I would support that idea. Yes not only intelligent but also beautiful inside and out. You definitely deserve a heart that needs to stay whole. Hope you find that light within the darkness soon

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@SW-User thank you for the kind words

luckranger71 · 51-55, M

This sounds pretty similar to a situation I was in. You absolutely deserve better and be gentle with yourself about your decisions. Relationships are far from an exact science.

Wishing you peace and yes, no contact is the way to go and really a precondition to healing.

Blondily · F

It hurts but the toxicity of the relationship was too draining for you.
You'll mend and next time, be very careful and find a man who is family oriented. They make the best partners!

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@Blondily and honestly, that’s all I want!

Northwest · M

Don't look back and don't forget that there's a reason an ex became an ex in the first place. Good luck.

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@Northwest Thank you!

dale74 · M

I think I've just giving up on finding a woman that's you know faithful and loving

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@dale74 I’m sorry you feel that way. There are certainly women out there who want what you want.

dale74 · M

@AlwaysAlexis I know they're out there but finding one's difficult

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

♥️
Be strong.

Right decision made.

Don't doubt yourself.

JRVanguard · 26-30, M

Sending strength and support

You’ll make new memories with better people

Daviszabecki · 56-60, M

So true! Stand strong.

clamenza · 56-60, M

Been there

clamenza · 56-60, M

Agreed

Royricky09

Good

Bang5luts · M

Good for you! You're right, you do deserve better. Even if you feel lonely later or weak, you need to stay strong. People only treat us the way we let them treat us. 🤗

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@Bang5luts I say that exact same thing all of the time and yet I don’t heed my own advice… I just have to do better!

Bang5luts · M

@AlwaysAlexis same. I am horrible at taking my own advice as well. I don't believe it is because I think it's bad advice, I guess I more often than not I try to believe people can change. And they can, the problem is they don't always want to.

Moneyonmymind · 31-35, M

Good thing you recognized it before it was too late

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@Moneyonmymind true!

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CookieCrumbs · F

@Pinkstarburst
Febreeze. Great suggestion. 😆
I'd use Lysol on the surfaces first.

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@Pinkstarburst I love that!

Pinkstarburst · 51-55, F

@AlwaysAlexis You got this!!!

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