My 21 year old son is beyond uncomfortable with me dating despite me being divorced 4 years now

My bfs son is 9 now. He's found it really difficult with his parents splitting up and being with others.

But 21? He should appreciate your needs

I would say at his age he should understand you wants and needs a little better and should be happy you are trying to move forward. I’m sure right now he feels like he is the man of the house, man of your life and is jealous that he will be replaced. He just needs to know he will never lose that special mom and son relationship you two share

My parents got divorced when I was 9, I don’t blame him for how he’s feeling. My dad got married to his 2nd wife just 6 years after my mom’s divorce with him and I found out on instagram. His feelings are valid. Just give him time and introduce the person you’re dating if you know for sure he’s the one. Take it on step at a time gradually

Do you live together? Are you super close? You would have ideas on what his reasoning is. We don't know the whole picture.
Maybe he's being protective as he doesn't want you to get hurt. Maybe if the right man walks in then he would be able to earn your love and his trust. But then, that is a bridge you'd have to cross to know the ending.
I hope you find your happy ending :)

part of being a mom means you need to help him grow up.

right now he needs to understand that while he might have been the center of your world he is an adult

as you are - and you have needs

how would he feel if you told him HE can't date either?

You should not feel guilty about dating. Maybe your son should think about his own future I had been married 3 years at your son's age. Still happily married by the way.

I think it’s very appropriate and reasonable for you to want to date. I understand his hesitancy to accept but your happiness is just as important as his.

He’s a grown man now and should be able to understand that you have needs and are ready to move on and develop another relationship. I think he’s being a little selfish, tbh. I promise he will understand this, at some point, and I feel you should go ahead and date others. Four years is a long time to have waited after a divorce, imho.

After my last divorce my kids were not happy that I was dating again . I told them that while I respected their feelings , I was going to move on with my life .

That isn't his decision. At that age, I am sure he will find a way to get over it.

Go enjoy your life.

You are your first focus, he will get over it. Because, deep down inside, he wants your very heart and soul to be happy. Who knows? Maybe he might warm up to the thought of a new man in your life

He is an adult. You need to do what you need. You don’t have to be rude or uncaring but you need to communicate to him that you will be taking care of yourself and he is old enough to handle it.

I’d say he’s going to have to get over that if he’s going to continue to live there. Mom needs to do what she needs to do.

He will get used to it eventually. He's got his own life to focus on and you got to move on and live your life.

Friends are good to have but be careful because if you marry it can bring potential financial devastation to your children. Husbands can come with their own kids and wives, and it can complicate life for kids.

Does he date? Does he expect you to cook hamburgers for him while he plays video games?

Both of you are adults. Take care of yourself and your needs.

He’s a grown man, he will get over it. You need to take care of you.

Sounds like you and he need to talk more.

Whatever happens, he is probably going to be around longer. It would be freakish to find the one quickly.

Even if you did, I imagine you would still want him to be around.

Kind of a bad message to send him: that you will limit yourself and not live your life because it makes him “upset”. His emotions are now controlling your life. That’ll probably make him a bad husband someday. Sorry.

He'll get over it
Just don't bring anybody home
Have your needs met outside his space

He is old enough to understand "life goes on".
Is his dad dating ?

Is he in therapy? He should understand your needs.

You have earned the right to enjoy yourself without anyone making you feel guilty

You deserve to be happy

Tell him to get over it, he's 21 years old time to grow up

He’s old enough to understand that you have needs.

Dm me please

Your needs should be first

Maybe he’s jealous

He is just being loyal to his father. He sees someone else as a threat

I really wonder why there are posters who seem to think they can post derogatory comments? Do they get their kicks from it?

Have you asked him what’s on his mind

Nothing to do with him really

the problem is his , not yours...tell him get over it

It almost seems he has a secret or secrets to admit to you

Remind him who the parent is

Move on slowly he’ll adapt

adultery is a s sin.

21 he needs to worry about himself

He's an adult, he can go pound sand

He needs to have his attitude adjusted!
He is behaving like a little boy

Tell him that you will only let the guy shove it in just a little ways, not all the way to the hilt. You will make him use a condom and take a shower.

He's afraid you'll blow his inheritance
https://media.tenor.com/bNFeV12YDp0AAAAM/nothing-liza-miller.gif

Yeah, that’s ridiculous. Get out there and have some fun.