My 21 year old son is beyond uncomfortable with me dating despite me being divorced 4 years now

My bfs son is 9 now. He's found it really difficult with his parents splitting up and being with others.

But 21? He should appreciate your needs

I would say at his age he should understand you wants and needs a little better and should be happy you are trying to move forward. I’m sure right now he feels like he is the man of the house, man of your life and is jealous that he will be replaced. He just needs to know he will never lose that special mom and son relationship you two share

part of being a mom means you need to help him grow up.

right now he needs to understand that while he might have been the center of your world he is an adult

as you are - and you have needs

how would he feel if you told him HE can't date either?

After my last divorce my kids were not happy that I was dating again . I told them that while I respected their feelings , I was going to move on with my life .

I think it’s very appropriate and reasonable for you to want to date. I understand his hesitancy to accept but your happiness is just as important as his.

That isn't his decision. At that age, I am sure he will find a way to get over it.

Go enjoy your life.

My parents divorced when I was 5yo. My mom began dating right after her divorce came through, which occurred about one year after she separated from my dad. My mom began dating a man named Alex, who was a very nice man. She fell in love with him, and wanted to devote a lot of her attention to him. This made me very deeply jealous of Alex, but I really liked him also, because he was so nice to me and my mom. As a young boy, I know that I loved feeling jealous of Alex, and I loved having very deep feelings for him. But I also knew that Alex had a very different relationship with my mom than I did. He got to hold her and kiss her in ways that I could not, and he shared a bed with her. My mom would tell me not to come into her bedroom when she and Alex were in there together, because they were "spending special time together". All in all I was very jealous of Alex, but I was very happy for my mom, because I knew that Alex made her very happy, even though at my age I did not know all the reasons why. But your sons is 21 years old. Why is he not happy for you?

Do you live together? Are you super close? You would have ideas on what his reasoning is. We don't know the whole picture.
Maybe he's being protective as he doesn't want you to get hurt. Maybe if the right man walks in then he would be able to earn your love and his trust. But then, that is a bridge you'd have to cross to know the ending.
I hope you find your happy ending :)

Kind of a bad message to send him: that you will limit yourself and not live your life because it makes him “upset”. His emotions are now controlling your life. That’ll probably make him a bad husband someday. Sorry.

He is just being loyal to his father. He sees someone else as a threat

He’s a grown man now and should be able to understand that you have needs and are ready to move on and develop another relationship. I think he’s being a little selfish, tbh. I promise he will understand this, at some point, and I feel you should go ahead and date others. Four years is a long time to have waited after a divorce, imho.

Your needs should be first

He needs to grow up! Mum is a person too… indeed she was a person before he was. If you’re happy that is all that matters.

Sounds like you and he need to talk more.

Whatever happens, he is probably going to be around longer. It would be freakish to find the one quickly.

Even if you did, I imagine you would still want him to be around.

Tell him that you will only let the guy shove it in just a little ways, not all the way to the hilt. You will make him use a condom and take a shower.

You are your first focus, he will get over it. Because, deep down inside, he wants your very heart and soul to be happy. Who knows? Maybe he might warm up to the thought of a new man in your life

You should not feel guilty about dating. Maybe your son should think about his own future I had been married 3 years at your son's age. Still happily married by the way.

I’d say he’s going to have to get over that if he’s going to continue to live there. Mom needs to do what she needs to do.

Well your son can move out and not witness it or go live with his dad well if he has not moved on already.

He will get used to it eventually. He's got his own life to focus on and you got to move on and live your life.

As harsh as it sounds I think your son needs to grow up and try to understand things from your perspective. I think that you should talk to him and tell him that you still have a lot of life to live, and you want a partner to share that with. I don’t think he needs to hear about your “needs” though! Go ahead and start dating. He has to learn that you want and need to move on.

He’s a grown man, he will get over it. You need to take care of you.

He needs to understand that you still have a life to live

He is old enough to understand "life goes on".
Is his dad dating ?

My parents got divorced when I was 9, I don’t blame him for how he’s feeling. My dad got married to his 2nd wife just 6 years after my mom’s divorce with him and I found out on instagram. His feelings are valid. Just give him time and introduce the person you’re dating if you know for sure he’s the one. Take it on step at a time gradually

I don't understand why you find this understandable. My parents divorced when I was fourteen. It never occurred to me to expect that either of them would spend the rest of their lives without any kind of romantic, sexual, and cohabiting relationship.

Ask him why. Get him to think about it.

adultery is a s sin.

21 he needs to worry about himself

Friends are good to have but be careful because if you marry it can bring potential financial devastation to your children. Husbands can come with their own kids and wives, and it can complicate life for kids.

Tell him to get over it, he's 21 years old time to grow up

Heck, I had a mate who was 21 and flirted with my mother shamelessly. Only she never clocked on. And I was fine with it. I think he dodged a bullet there though. He married his mothers childhood friend. 30+ year age gap, but they're happy.

He is an adult. You need to do what you need. You don’t have to be rude or uncaring but you need to communicate to him that you will be taking care of yourself and he is old enough to handle it.

Does he date? Does he expect you to cook hamburgers for him while he plays video games?

Both of you are adults. Take care of yourself and your needs.

He's an adult, he can go pound sand

You have earned the right to enjoy yourself without anyone making you feel guilty

Consider telling him you will stay out of his love life and you expect the same.

tell him to grow up!
fullfill your life

He’s old enough to understand that you have needs.

I really wonder why there are posters who seem to think they can post derogatory comments? Do they get their kicks from it?

Is he in therapy? He should understand your needs.

He's afraid you'll blow his inheritance
https://media.tenor.com/bNFeV12YDp0AAAAM/nothing-liza-miller.gif

Have you asked him what’s on his mind

Nothing to do with him really

the problem is his , not yours...tell him get over it

You deserve to be happy

Hes being unreasonable