Is it a bad idea to contact your ex to find out why they treated you poorly?

If you’re looking for closure you won’t get it with a person like that. Usually they are narcissistic. Everything is about them and their needs and wants

Please don’t give this person the satisfaction that they got to you, and yet you still came back to talk it through. The absolute best thing to do is to completely cut off all contact, move on with 100% commitment, and then they’ll be the one wondering why they behaved like such a shitbag.
That way you’ll give yourself a really good chance to be happy and fulfilled, and they won’t matter anymore.

It’s natural to want to know why, but in that moment you have to ask yourself if you’re genuinely wanting to know why...or if you’re wanting to feel their presence again while waiting for an answer. Exes often come up in our mind when we’re feeling lonely or inner demons are speaking too loudly. If that’s the case, the pause button needs to be hit on that notion until more light has been given time to filter in. If it’s not the case, you have to think to the past and think forward of the repercussions that could unfold and decide if it’s worth opening a door that’s closed for a reason. Often times, it’s not worth it as it brings even more darkness and life to something that should be laid to rest, with or without knowing the reasoning. We’re an inquisitive species, but we have to remember more often than not people treat others poorly because of the mending they have yet to do within themselves...it has nothing to do with the person they’re projecting unkindness on.

... They often don't care....


If they cared they would be telling you they're sorry, they would approach you.

Generally they're not going to tell you the truth now if they hadn't earlier, and there's a substantial risk they'll lash out and say whats most hurtful to you, whether it has any relation to the truth or not

If someone can’t treat another well when together, why expect any difference when you’re apart?
Accept you deserve better, you don’t need no explanation for that.

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I think you have to gauge what kind of person they are. If they're a pathological liar, it might just hurt more to have a conversation like that with them, but if you think they'll be honest with you it might be a good way to get closure

It's a bad idea and just opens you up to being hurt further.

If people have treated you badly in the past cut them out of your lives and don't give them another thought, they aren't worth your time.

you said "Bad split up. He was dishonest and had someone for months" what more do you need to know? He is a bad man...why would you ask for more abuse?

What @jomsim said. There's an excellent chance they had no idea why it didn't work apart from that their needs weren't being met.

It's bad to contact your ex for any reason. They are your ex BECAUSE you had a REASON

If I ever [i]contacted[/i] my ex, it would be with the front bumper of my truck... 🤔

It'll only make you feel worse, just move on.

Bad? More like horrific

I wouldn’t lower myself..

I don't feel they would be honest (and might not even know), so you don't stand to gain much, but could lose a lot by opening up old wounds and feelings.

Like the dumbest thing (usually did by women ) to do after a breakup. It usually ends up with the ex getting laid and you getting a rerun of "being dumped the movie - starring you, again "

It depends on how you split up and what your post relationship contact is like.

Most definitely! It sounds almost desperate! Just let it be, and if it was meant to be, he'd be coming to you asking forgiveness for treating you poorly.

Definitely. I believe there's always a reason why a person becomes your ex and why you shouldn't go back and dig up the past.

I guess yes because they'll never accept their fault and will make you feel more miserable

You liked feeling the way he treated you so much, you are going to ask for more...?

Yes. It may make you appear weak, and pathetic in their eyes.

I don´t even ask her how is she treating her actual husband!

Don’t see what purpose that would serve.

I wouldn’t. At the end of the day It doesn’t matter.

I already know. So, no need to

Yes, it is.

[b]Just move on[/b]

They may tell you but it doesn't matter anymore.