exexec · 70-79, C
Cheating was what my wife did when we were dating in college. She was free to date others, but not have sex. She had sex and lied about it. If she and I stay within the conditions we have agreed upon now, I don't consider it cheating. If one of us breaks those rules, it is cheating.
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swirlie · 31-35
@Fishy
Only for those who's mother told them that dating leads to marriage, which is typically the case in most Third World country cultures. If you don't want to marry it, then don't date it in the first place... is their general rule.
A ring has nothing to do with it. It's the marriage vows people make to each other that is consummated by the representation of a ring that only matters here.
If those vows specifically state that an open-marriage is what they both anticipate from each other, then there's no problem.
Are you talking about early on in the relationship while they are still dating, or early on in the relationship after they've been married?
If you are not married to someone, you cannot dictate how that person behaves sexually with other partners. If you want that person all to yourself, then get married and make vows of strict monogamy to each other. Like I said to exec, he can't have it both ways.
That is correct. That is why two UN-married people cannot dictate to each other how the other wants them to conduct their lives.
I mean, isn't dating often a precursor to marriage tho?
Only for those who's mother told them that dating leads to marriage, which is typically the case in most Third World country cultures. If you don't want to marry it, then don't date it in the first place... is their general rule.
Also, the ring doesn't change much...
(Eg open marriages)
(Eg open marriages)
A ring has nothing to do with it. It's the marriage vows people make to each other that is consummated by the representation of a ring that only matters here.
If those vows specifically state that an open-marriage is what they both anticipate from each other, then there's no problem.
But I mean, if early on in the relationship they discus it and they're fine with it,
Each to their own,
Each to their own,
Are you talking about early on in the relationship while they are still dating, or early on in the relationship after they've been married?
But I dont really think it's dictating if someone has deal breakers,
Or just points out that this isn't going to work out
Or just points out that this isn't going to work out
If you are not married to someone, you cannot dictate how that person behaves sexually with other partners. If you want that person all to yourself, then get married and make vows of strict monogamy to each other. Like I said to exec, he can't have it both ways.
Like, if they not interested in open relationships but the other person wants an open relationship, then they probably aren't the best match for each other from the start
That is correct. That is why two UN-married people cannot dictate to each other how the other wants them to conduct their lives.
Fishy · 36-40, F
@swirlie
Yes, that's what I was implying,
A ring is a symbol of the marriage vows.
But the point is, that if someone can't be committed before marriage, then what's the point of making commitment vows if they can't keep those vows?
I dont think marriage vows are going to "keep them all to yourself"
Vows without actions are just words
Breaking up with them or moving on isn't dictating how that person behaves tho.
That person is still free to behave however they want, just as the other person is free to behave by not sticking around 🤷
A ring has nothing to do with it. It's the marriage vows people make to each other that is consummated by the representation of a ring that only matters here
Yes, that's what I was implying,
A ring is a symbol of the marriage vows.
But the point is, that if someone can't be committed before marriage, then what's the point of making commitment vows if they can't keep those vows?
I dont think marriage vows are going to "keep them all to yourself"
Vows without actions are just words
If you are not married to someone, you cannot dictate how that person behaves sexually with other partners. If you want that person all to yourself, then get married and make vows of strict monogamy to each other. Like I said to exec, he can't have it both ways.
Breaking up with them or moving on isn't dictating how that person behaves tho.
That person is still free to behave however they want, just as the other person is free to behave by not sticking around 🤷
TexChik · F
In my conceptualization of marriage, monogamy is the gold standard till death do you part and I married a man who feels the same way.
However that does not appeal to everyone or a betrayal has made a person unwilling to give their heart away ever again, or one partner is medically no longer able to have intimacy but they still love each other and want to preserve their family. There are any number of scenarios where having more than one sexual partner is acceptable to all involved.
However that does not appeal to everyone or a betrayal has made a person unwilling to give their heart away ever again, or one partner is medically no longer able to have intimacy but they still love each other and want to preserve their family. There are any number of scenarios where having more than one sexual partner is acceptable to all involved.
FoxyGoddess · 51-55, F
I have not seen a successful open relationship ever. Polyamoury is a bit different, but that is established at the start and the rules are already laid out and agreed to with the ability to leave when it is no longer working well.
Open marriages just seem like a cop out to avoid a costly divorce while still being promiscuous. Usually, the problem becomes, one partner has no problem finding a partner while the other does and that creates resentment and envy, leading to more problems.
If you want to sleep with someone else, but still love your partner, do the right thing and just divorce, but stay friends with benefits. That just seems like the best option for everyone.
(And I already hear the "i don't want to oay child support!" argument. If you aren't divorced, you're still basically paying child support, just without a court order. Be a parent and deal with the fact kids cost money.)
Open marriages just seem like a cop out to avoid a costly divorce while still being promiscuous. Usually, the problem becomes, one partner has no problem finding a partner while the other does and that creates resentment and envy, leading to more problems.
If you want to sleep with someone else, but still love your partner, do the right thing and just divorce, but stay friends with benefits. That just seems like the best option for everyone.
(And I already hear the "i don't want to oay child support!" argument. If you aren't divorced, you're still basically paying child support, just without a court order. Be a parent and deal with the fact kids cost money.)
Roadsterrider · 56-60, M
I think with understanding in a committed relationship, it can work. I don't think it can work if it is basically an affair. When it becomes a relationship instead of just sex, that is the problem. I have a friend who got married but kept a woman on the side because he enjoyed sex with her. His wife had a friend that fulfilled the same thing. At this point, they have been married over 40 years. Someone to have sex with is no different than having a vibrator. Unless it becomes a relationship.
SomeMichGuy · M
That does seem to be what it boils down to.
I know people talk about dissociating sex and feelings, but good sex helps you bond with another person; i.e., feelings are definitely in the mix.
I know people talk about dissociating sex and feelings, but good sex helps you bond with another person; i.e., feelings are definitely in the mix.
Bklynbadboy12 · 36-40, M
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
Yes, that IS the point. You don't claim possession of the other person, but at the same time share a core emotional relationship without sexual ownership. I guess in a way it's dividing the emotional from the sexual?
Fishy · 36-40, F
I mean, each to their own and all...
But it never made much sense to me either,
The whole point of a relationship is one on one commitment.
But that's just me, I guess 🤷
But it never made much sense to me either,
The whole point of a relationship is one on one commitment.
But that's just me, I guess 🤷
FreeSpirit1 · 51-55, F
FreeSpirit1 · 51-55, F
@Bklynbadboy12 you do you
Bklynbadboy12 · 36-40, M
@FreeSpirit1 You sound upset im not tryin to upset you but i have to be honest. It is what it is
FreeSpirit1 · 51-55, F
@Bklynbadboy12 I’m not upset at all, you are asking me a question based on your viewpoint. Mine is mine , why would I try to justify it to you. You do you is just saying live your life and I’ll live mine. If monogamy is your thing then live it,I wouldn’t question why you are monogamous…
PatientlyWaiting25 · 46-50, F
caccoon · 36-40
Transitioning to a new relationship or singledom in a gentler way, as far as I've seen
calicuz · 56-60, M
Some people like an open relationship, I however do not see the point either.
Mordechai · 31-35, M
Yeah basically
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Rokan · 36-40, M
Open or not most people have a huge fear or discomfort about being alone, combined that with a strong desire for sex from muiltiple sources and you have your recipe for open relationships.
Adogslife · 61-69, M
At 18-21, you’re probably in one now and just don’t realize it.
idontcareok · 70-79, M
SumKindaMunster · 51-55, M
Monalisasmith86 · 41-45, F
OriginalNedKelly · M
DunningKruger · 61-69, M
swirlie · 31-35
First of all, the concept of "cheating" has no relevance to any relationship OTHER THAN to a marriage where the legality of marriage vows are cast in stone.
That means, there is no such thing as "cheating" in boyfriend/girlfriend situations, nor does the concept of "cheating" have any relevance among those who enjoy 'open relationships' which technical have no connection to marriage.
To be married with an 'open relationship' situation is contradictory to each concept, meaning that one cancels the other out, unless of course a married couple's marriage vows which were publicly stated, that their marriage will be based on them both acknowledging an 'open relationship' within their marriage arrangement.
That means, there is no such thing as "cheating" in boyfriend/girlfriend situations, nor does the concept of "cheating" have any relevance among those who enjoy 'open relationships' which technical have no connection to marriage.
To be married with an 'open relationship' situation is contradictory to each concept, meaning that one cancels the other out, unless of course a married couple's marriage vows which were publicly stated, that their marriage will be based on them both acknowledging an 'open relationship' within their marriage arrangement.
Lilnonames · F
I like your username, are you from Minnesota?
BohoBabe · M
It's only cheating if deceit is involved.
Ferise1 · 46-50, M
Sometimes people don’t click sexually but the rest is awesome so they sleep around and it means nothing