You are entitled to privacy in a relationship, right?
Someone told me there is no such thing, only OUR privacy. Im not talking about cheating here.
SeekingConnection · 61-69, M
I certainly believe you are entitled to a part of your life that's your own in a relationship. Not that I've been very successful in relationships myself, but a major issue for me in those I have had was the intrusion into my personal space. I mean things like the other partner listening in to phonecalls, wanting to know who I was talking to and why they were calling, reading my blogs and private letters and things like that. I always respected the privacy of my partners in matters like that and didn't poke my nose into what I felt was their private business. However, it seems that this isn't what many (or most?) people expect in relationships.
Miram · 31-35, F
I once gotten broken up with because I didn't want to share my past. That's what he said. But in truth it was because I didn't want to have sex. I believed in settling in the same home before getting there. I was in medical school. Reflecting on extremely traumatic experiences wasn't the time. I will never forget that not because I was in love with him, but because I was present in his kid's life and his child called me mother and already formed attachment to my siblings. Before he broke up with me, he told his kid to no longer talk to me and my family. I felt crushed.
He came back 4 months later to apologize and ask if I can be emotionally open. I just looked at him, didn't say a word and walked away. I was selling myself too short. He was more 15 years older, had a past in the porn industry and 2 failed marriages. I had zero physical dating experiences. 0000000 so what business did he even have trying to dig my past against my will?
These people, their lack of boundaries, it is predatory and it is essentially about one thing. You losing control over them having it.
He came back 4 months later to apologize and ask if I can be emotionally open. I just looked at him, didn't say a word and walked away. I was selling myself too short. He was more 15 years older, had a past in the porn industry and 2 failed marriages. I had zero physical dating experiences. 0000000 so what business did he even have trying to dig my past against my will?
These people, their lack of boundaries, it is predatory and it is essentially about one thing. You losing control over them having it.
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Miram · 31-35, F
@Kuronekko Yes, everyone have insecurities.
It is never okay to throw yours on the shoulders of another to sabotage their growth and your own. Bulldoze their comfort and invade..To explain your own pace and deal with them as feelings? That's healthy. The minute those explanations become justifications to pressure and clash, it ends there. If you have to cage someone in your own fears to have them, it is not love.
It is never okay to throw yours on the shoulders of another to sabotage their growth and your own. Bulldoze their comfort and invade..To explain your own pace and deal with them as feelings? That's healthy. The minute those explanations become justifications to pressure and clash, it ends there. If you have to cage someone in your own fears to have them, it is not love.
I often get a lot of attitude because of the fact that I openly speak out against people who think they can phone snoop "to find 'evidence' of potential cheating".
The thing is that they never consider that you don't have any right to go looking at private correspondence, be it in the mail or digital - just because you are in a relationship/married to someone. This attitude is abusive and needs to be called out as such.
In situations where relationships do become abusive, sharing pass codes etc. can be very dangerous because abusers can install keyloggers or otherwise access information related to possible escape attempts before you can make good on them.
The thing is that they never consider that you don't have any right to go looking at private correspondence, be it in the mail or digital - just because you are in a relationship/married to someone. This attitude is abusive and needs to be called out as such.
In situations where relationships do become abusive, sharing pass codes etc. can be very dangerous because abusers can install keyloggers or otherwise access information related to possible escape attempts before you can make good on them.
@Kuronekko I've had things I don't do held against me, too.
For example, my abuser stopped sharing a bed with me at night more or less as soon as he found out that I am infertile. Now, I gave him several chances to return to bed in the time after that and he would spend one night in bed before returning to his chair, so I told him that I won't be sharing a bed with him anymore. He can either sleep in his chair or I will sleep on the sofa if he wants the bed.
He's still got this idea that I'll share a bed with him on the weekend and sleep in my bed through the week. I'm not interested in that at all because it means that I won't be sleeping all weekend as I try to adjust to sharing a bed with someone else, then I need to get used to having my bed to myself again. It just doesn't work for me.
I hate the levels of control that you describe, too... and how some abusers think they can cut you off from your family and friends.
For example, my abuser stopped sharing a bed with me at night more or less as soon as he found out that I am infertile. Now, I gave him several chances to return to bed in the time after that and he would spend one night in bed before returning to his chair, so I told him that I won't be sharing a bed with him anymore. He can either sleep in his chair or I will sleep on the sofa if he wants the bed.
He's still got this idea that I'll share a bed with him on the weekend and sleep in my bed through the week. I'm not interested in that at all because it means that I won't be sleeping all weekend as I try to adjust to sharing a bed with someone else, then I need to get used to having my bed to myself again. It just doesn't work for me.
I hate the levels of control that you describe, too... and how some abusers think they can cut you off from your family and friends.
@Kuronekko I've had things I don't do held against me, too.
For example, my abuser stopped sharing a bed with me at night more or less as soon as he found out that I am infertile. Now, I gave him several chances to return to bed in the time after that and he would spend one night in bed before returning to his chair, so I told him that I won't be sharing a bed with him anymore. He can either sleep in his chair or I will sleep on the sofa if he wants the bed.
He's still got this idea that I'll share a bed with him on the weekend and sleep in my bed through the week. I'm not interested in that at all because it means that I won't be sleeping all weekend as I try to adjust to sharing a bed with someone else, then I need to get used to having my bed to myself again. It just doesn't work for me.
I hate the levels of control that you describe, too... and how some abusers think they can cut you off from your family and friends.
For example, my abuser stopped sharing a bed with me at night more or less as soon as he found out that I am infertile. Now, I gave him several chances to return to bed in the time after that and he would spend one night in bed before returning to his chair, so I told him that I won't be sharing a bed with him anymore. He can either sleep in his chair or I will sleep on the sofa if he wants the bed.
He's still got this idea that I'll share a bed with him on the weekend and sleep in my bed through the week. I'm not interested in that at all because it means that I won't be sleeping all weekend as I try to adjust to sharing a bed with someone else, then I need to get used to having my bed to myself again. It just doesn't work for me.
I hate the levels of control that you describe, too... and how some abusers think they can cut you off from your family and friends.
Kuronekko · 41-45, F
@HootyTheNightOwl the father of my children was pretty clever about stopping me seeing friends and family. He wouldn't tell me straight up that I couldn't, but he would make life a misery if I did see them. 3 days of silence and anger and he would take it out on the kids too. People think its so straight forward but its slow burning psychological torture.
zonavar68 · 56-60, M
Of course you are - you're always allowed to have 'personal space' in a relationship and a partner that wants to be 'in your face' 24/7/365 has problems with relinquishing control, possessiveness, and being far too 'ultra clingy'.
Remember Laina Morris and her 'clingy girlfiend' aka 'overly attached girlfriend' memes? She's btw the same person who created the 'grumpy cat' memes.
Remember Laina Morris and her 'clingy girlfiend' aka 'overly attached girlfriend' memes? She's btw the same person who created the 'grumpy cat' memes.
Captain · 61-69, MNew
I recognise there's nothing good about cheating snd cheating is the very opposite of openness and honesty that pervades a healthy relationship - but I also recognise that our relationship (my wife and I) is borken beyond repair for tha reason. So sad, it ends, as it, began.
Katie01 · F
Keeping secrets from your partner is honestly essential for a long happy relationship. There are some things they simply don't need to know
JimboSaturn · 56-60, M
HotPizza71 · 51-55, M
CultOfPersonality · 36-40, M
Hellooo, great to see you again 💗💚
romell · 51-55, M
One size fits all doesn't work in relationship s
Morvoren · F
I’m entitled to it. But I don’t use it. There’s no need.
LivePeacefully · 31-35, MNew
Depends.
After 20 years, I don't think I will have anything private.
After 20 years, I don't think I will have anything private.
BigImo · 26-30, F
Honestly even cheating is perfectly acceptable and you're entitled to do it
aboveaverageaveragejoe · 51-55, M
You make your own privacy if you want it.
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