You are entitled to privacy in a relationship, right?
Someone told me there is no such thing, only OUR privacy. Im not talking about cheating here.
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I often get a lot of attitude because of the fact that I openly speak out against people who think they can phone snoop "to find 'evidence' of potential cheating".
The thing is that they never consider that you don't have any right to go looking at private correspondence, be it in the mail or digital - just because you are in a relationship/married to someone. This attitude is abusive and needs to be called out as such.
In situations where relationships do become abusive, sharing pass codes etc. can be very dangerous because abusers can install keyloggers or otherwise access information related to possible escape attempts before you can make good on them.
The thing is that they never consider that you don't have any right to go looking at private correspondence, be it in the mail or digital - just because you are in a relationship/married to someone. This attitude is abusive and needs to be called out as such.
In situations where relationships do become abusive, sharing pass codes etc. can be very dangerous because abusers can install keyloggers or otherwise access information related to possible escape attempts before you can make good on them.
Kuronekko · 41-45, F
@HootyTheNightOwl my ex read through my private conversations and deemed them as inappropriate despite them being quite innocent. I stopped being so open after that because I realised that people who are suspicious of you will always try and spin what you do as such.
SeekingConnection · 61-69, M
@HootyTheNightOwl I'm just butting in here to say I strongly agree with every point you've made.
SeekingConnection · 61-69, M
@Kuronekko I think your ex's behaviour was totally unacceptable. If I was in your position, I would consider the relationship to be on borrowed time, if not actually over.
SeekingConnection · 61-69, M
@Kuronekko I've had things I don't do held against me, too.
For example, my abuser stopped sharing a bed with me at night more or less as soon as he found out that I am infertile. Now, I gave him several chances to return to bed in the time after that and he would spend one night in bed before returning to his chair, so I told him that I won't be sharing a bed with him anymore. He can either sleep in his chair or I will sleep on the sofa if he wants the bed.
He's still got this idea that I'll share a bed with him on the weekend and sleep in my bed through the week. I'm not interested in that at all because it means that I won't be sleeping all weekend as I try to adjust to sharing a bed with someone else, then I need to get used to having my bed to myself again. It just doesn't work for me.
I hate the levels of control that you describe, too... and how some abusers think they can cut you off from your family and friends.
For example, my abuser stopped sharing a bed with me at night more or less as soon as he found out that I am infertile. Now, I gave him several chances to return to bed in the time after that and he would spend one night in bed before returning to his chair, so I told him that I won't be sharing a bed with him anymore. He can either sleep in his chair or I will sleep on the sofa if he wants the bed.
He's still got this idea that I'll share a bed with him on the weekend and sleep in my bed through the week. I'm not interested in that at all because it means that I won't be sleeping all weekend as I try to adjust to sharing a bed with someone else, then I need to get used to having my bed to myself again. It just doesn't work for me.
I hate the levels of control that you describe, too... and how some abusers think they can cut you off from your family and friends.
@Kuronekko I've had things I don't do held against me, too.
For example, my abuser stopped sharing a bed with me at night more or less as soon as he found out that I am infertile. Now, I gave him several chances to return to bed in the time after that and he would spend one night in bed before returning to his chair, so I told him that I won't be sharing a bed with him anymore. He can either sleep in his chair or I will sleep on the sofa if he wants the bed.
He's still got this idea that I'll share a bed with him on the weekend and sleep in my bed through the week. I'm not interested in that at all because it means that I won't be sleeping all weekend as I try to adjust to sharing a bed with someone else, then I need to get used to having my bed to myself again. It just doesn't work for me.
I hate the levels of control that you describe, too... and how some abusers think they can cut you off from your family and friends.
For example, my abuser stopped sharing a bed with me at night more or less as soon as he found out that I am infertile. Now, I gave him several chances to return to bed in the time after that and he would spend one night in bed before returning to his chair, so I told him that I won't be sharing a bed with him anymore. He can either sleep in his chair or I will sleep on the sofa if he wants the bed.
He's still got this idea that I'll share a bed with him on the weekend and sleep in my bed through the week. I'm not interested in that at all because it means that I won't be sleeping all weekend as I try to adjust to sharing a bed with someone else, then I need to get used to having my bed to myself again. It just doesn't work for me.
I hate the levels of control that you describe, too... and how some abusers think they can cut you off from your family and friends.
Kuronekko · 41-45, F
@HootyTheNightOwl the father of my children was pretty clever about stopping me seeing friends and family. He wouldn't tell me straight up that I couldn't, but he would make life a misery if I did see them. 3 days of silence and anger and he would take it out on the kids too. People think its so straight forward but its slow burning psychological torture.