I Have a Question For Married Men

If youre the other woman then i doubt youd be doing it for his wifes sake

I am at fault ,never said I wasn't .I didn't put a gun to his head but he sort me out?He was looking ,not me .So it's okay for me to hurt and no one else ?
Why am I the bad guy ? Cause I knew ,I knew he wanted me ,i knew he wanted me to be his sunshine in the darkness of his life? we are both good people and got caught up in each other .But let me tell you this ,If he didnt make advances ,i never ever would of had this affair .If he didn't make me feel so good .with all his words ,advice .i would of just not cared .But don't tell me I am your Bff ,you only open up to me completly ,then nothing .Oh yeah it has to do with his job .So much time taken off cause he got sick and cant shake it .
I stopped texting him ,i know he will text me again soon .My heart says text him my mind says no . Thank you for answering .
I also have a family not a man but i do have kids that are older .if they knew and that it was him they would hate him . But i have to find my way , and you know what ? He would one the one to help me .Now i cant even tell him

There is such thing as "you men " And i know alot of them Father ,brothers,uncles,brother in laws ,friends,nephews ,friends of my sons.. You all think alike .it's funny all ages and all the same..Your right I am pissed we dont call eachother .I dont call him ,he calls me .I dont text him first ,he text me first .I am not blaming Men .It is the affair ,in which we made promises together just like any other relationship ..Why i am so mad is cause he said he will never shut me out ,and he DID . SO his word is crap to me right now .
I love the different opinions people are writing .I am going to defend my self ,bottom line is I will do what I want ,but wanted so input thats all

Out as in expose him for something? Is it any of your business? Not saying what he's doing is right, but it isn't any of your concern unless you're the other party involved.

84 replies.. holy crap. No, don't do it. You will lose the best part of him once he lives with a warden watching his every move.

I agree. If you want out just tell him you are done.

Hi DNJ...good for you not taking care of a man. It should be the other way around.As far as he goes...no one knows how he or his wife will react. My opinion is that you just need to do whatever it is that makes you happiest...not including him. There has to be something.

As a teen I started thinking about what if it was my parents. I think it's something I wouldn't want to know. I would be upset with my dad if he did that, but I would totally hate the person that ruined my parents marriage. I would think of her as a home wrecker. I'm guessing you are no longer married. The person I see getting hurt the most is his wife. I don't think that's what you are trying to accomplish. You want Him to feel the hurt. Anyway, what happened, happened. Just don't do something out of spite and hate. I don't think you will feel better for very long. Plus your kids will then know. I don't know. Maybe there's not a right answer. Sorry

If you're the one involved then you're no better than him. I seriously doubt the wife would be pleased with the woman he's been bangin for three years.

@DNJ4EVER: There is no such thing as "you men". You can only judge based on the men you know. As far as affairs are concerned, two two parties involved are equally responsible for the affair. Your marital status matters very little when enter into an affair.

In addition, and in a world, where no real coercion is used, both parties freely entered into the affair.

You're pissed off because he's not returning your call, when you thought that he was your friend, confidant, and lover. His wife probably thought that same when she married him.

Instead of blaming men, why don't you blame the obvious: cheating. When you have a relationship with a cheater, it's illogical to think that, sooner or later, you will be in the same spot his wife is in today.

Of course you're free to do whatever you want. The bottom line though, is that the status of the marriage is irrelevant. You own 50% of the responsibility for this affair. He owns the other 50%. His wife owns 0%. You want to make her 1/3 owner of the fallout.

As to taking care of men, why did you do it? Isn't he capable of taking care of himself? Partners in a relationship take care of each other and do not take advantage of each other.

You have to ask yourself what motivates you to tell her. Reading through your posts here, it seems as if you want to cause him a work of hurt. The thing is, if you tell her, you will be causing her a world of hurt as well.

You were part of this, so half of it falls on you, and it's not fair to put her through pain, because the two of you decided to have an affair.

I think she deserves to know, so she can get rid of him, but that should probably come from him. As in, he should ask for a divorce and spare her the pain.

@Gina18, why am I called the homewrecker when He's the one that stepped outta his marriage .No i am no longer married.

If you are the one involved then I change my opinion to no...just leave...no communication whatsoever again.

You were part of the lie. I agree with tell him to walk away and you will too. Otherwise it comes out on the open.

If you want out, leave. Let him live his life and you yours. Who know's what his wife is capable of in the future.

@DNJ...you are not a homewrecker..he decided...and you were there and just got caught up in what he wanted

I have found that no one ever appreciates the person who spills the beans lol

Kind of. He should really let her know. But its not your place to say anything

Thank you ..Right now i am still so angry . See we made a deal with each other to always be bff always .I cant go back to being friends with him ,it's physical or nothing .No in between for this lady .I am in love with him and this hurts like hell.If he cant give a little more time then ,i am good with no time . I guess I don't and didn't mean anything to him at all.

Your right I am not his wife ,In no way shape or form . I never had a say it was always what he wanted and when he wanted it .If he wants me in his life forever like he says ,then maybe he should talk to me .Like we did when we got physical ,it wasnt always that way ,so we can be friends ,he don't need sex cause hes use to not getting it .I need it more I am single ,or you can say a widow

Northwest , No sweetie ,i dont want him to run to me at all.I like my life the way it is ,I am not ever going to take care of a man again . And sorry but his marriage is already destroyed . You men think you can do what ever you want and not pay for it . You know what , And i am sure you dont know what he will do if and when she finds out .

It wouldn't be bad, just so wrong. IMHO

@DNJ4EVER: it sounds as if nothing will satiate you, other than revenge. You were an equal partner in this affair, and you knew prior to entering into it, that he was married.

If he returned your calls/texts, then this would not be an issue, so you're not doing it to protect his wife.

You of course are free to do what you want. After all, it's not like you held a gun to his head and made him have an affair with you. You may also consider the devastation this is going to wreak on his family. If you think what he did is bad, then you're equally guilty.

My advice to you, is to walk away, and find happiness somewhere else. If you do it, you will remain in a negative down cycle.

Confucius says "before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves"

I have been in love with 2 men my whole life only had 2 men touch me in my whole life .One was my husband ,and the other is him . I know him for many years ,i am good friends with his son .He calls me auntie .He knows my family like i know his well more his xwifes family.

@DNJ4EVER:sorry, but I had not read the whole thread. I did not know you're the one having an affair with him. Essentially, he's been having his cake and eating it too. How do you know he's not getting any sex at home? Do you talk to his wife, or are you taking his word for it? Men in affairs can seldom be trusted.

He's married (and I assume has a family?) as such, he does not have much free time on his hands. It's possible that he found someone new, and he simply cannot juggle fast enough. Or his relationship with his wife may be back on track.

Either way, you need to move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and I'm sure you can find a single man who will appreciate it full time.

Also remember, if you do out him to his wife and she dumps him, he may feel he has no more he can lose and come looking for you and or worse yet, a family member so he can make your pain worse then his. Revenge never stops.

do it

@DNJ4EVER: I am not your father, brothers, uncles, brother in laws, friends, nephews or friends of your son. A lot of men out there are not either.

Obviously, you're free to do whatever you want, but when both you, and your affair partner are equally responsible for the hurt you will be causing his wife.

You seem to feel as if he's going to be hurt if she finds out. It also seems as if this is the only way you have to make him hurt. This seems to be more important to you, than accepting your responsibility, and doing the right thing.

Good luck to you. I wonder what DNJ4EVER stands for?

I'm saying that's what His family and kids will look at you like. Didn't say you were. Do what you feel you have to do. You asked so people gave opinions. Everyone will have a different opinion

if you out this person and they get back together, you could be making enemies of both of them. you might not be trusted by them anymore.

I will not say anything .And for the record he told me what was wrong . But if i was going to tell ,i would of by now . :) Thanks for all your advice

After 3 years he says he thinks of me all the time and has strong feeling for me ? And does this ?

@DNJ4EVER: These are things you should be telling him. His wife did not ask for this, and was not party to it. You are the only two parties to it. if you tell her, she's going to be hurt. Will that satisfy you?

No matter how the affair happened, if you tell her, your only objective is revenge, or you hope that when his marriage is destroyed, he will come running to you. That's not going to happen. Accept that this is a mistake and move on.

It's not the most decent thing to do, nor very nice, but it happens, I hear....

Doesn't look like there's anymore to be said. Go get the revenge you obviously want.

Thank you North.She is on pain killers all the time .For a man to sext his mistress while in the bed with his wife ? She has to be knocked out every night .The first day i saw him he told me he dont have sex with her ,shes not interested in it . we have been in an emotional affair first then became physical ,He knows how I feel about him .He keeps it on ,he keeps saying I beg you please be patient with me .

What he did is no worse than what you did. No better either. You both knew he was married.

what if I am the person whos involved and wants his W to know .

Wow D...sounds just like what happened to me!!

@Gina you r so right...revenge is never sweet

I's going on for 3 years now . I think i a going to do it .

Then you put your life as it is now at risk as well.

@ Northwest ,The attention from him that is not constant . I can get weeks ,months of every day sometimes at night .Saying all he wants is for me to be happy and smile.Then it slows down ,sometimes once a day ,sometimes he skips a day or 2 ,Now it's 4 days of nothing . WTf?

I know the anger and hurt...I am just now after 3 years able to talk with her and worst yet we work in the same office. I guess it comes down to if you if you still want him in your life in some compacity or not.Yes I want her in mine and yes I loved her and still do ....in my own way!!

Oh no just leave don't look back

Any reason you can't go quietly

dangerous territory.

does she own any guns?

I am wanting out

Yvw D...now it is up to you to decide how to proceed. If you need someone to talk to you can email me....djgolfer52@gmail.com Its always nice to talk with someone...I know I have been there and needed the support at the time