What's the clumsiest way you ever injured yourself?

I wasn’t paying attention and walked off of a curb full speed. The fall was hard, but I remember it happening in slow motion. I just said to myself “turn and roll”.

I did. My left hand protected my face. The right helped with the roll. Unfortunately, I had to drive myself to the hospital. Both wrists were broken. The left required surgery. There’s a titanium plate in there now.

My occupational therapist was funny. She knows I do a lot of martial arts. After I told her what happened, she said, “You should’ve lied to me. You need a better story.” 😂

January. Pennsylvania. We’d had a significant storm but by the time I left for work, much of the snow was gone. A drainpipe had sent down melted snow and the ground refroze it. I didn’t see that. I saw the conceete steps rushing up to greet me. Struck my eyebrow on the corner of a step.

I put some gauze and bandaids on it and continued to work. An hour or so later, the customers in the grocery store started looking at me strangely. Somebody finally asked, “Are you okay?”

I went to the restroom and there I saw the most astounding bruising I’d ever seen. The bruise started behind my left ear, swept down and across my face, neck and chest. Like Māori tattoos.

The general consensus was I was an idiot and I should go home. By that time my left eye was swollen shut and depth perception was out of order. I decided to check into a motel instead. They were hesitant to accept me. What if the monster who’d beat me up came back to finish the job?

They finally let me in, and when the cut kept dripping blood, I went to the ER. Five stitches later, the bleeding stopped. I was a spectacle for a week.

Closest was when I walked on some broken glass barefoot.It was on a sidewalk and I didn't even realise until my friend told me I had just walked through broken glass.My feet are extremely tough with skin like thick leather and there was no injury at all.I just brushed off my soles and kept walking.

I kicked what i thought was a loose piece of metal on the floor of a workshop, kicked it as hard as i could for no reason whatsoever, it turned out to be the remains of a bolt that used to hold a machine in place but had been left sticking up out of the concrete.
The pain was horrendous and I had a purple big toe and black toenail for a while after.
That'll teach me!

Tripped over the dog gate catching my foot and ripping my big toenail back pushed it back down and bandaged it hurt for week constantly now a few month later its better but still hurts at times

I was feeding the chickens and gathering eggs one morning when I was 13, and the rooster got after me. I was wearing a night gown and tennis shoes, and in the dark, he was tearing me up. I turned to run and ...stepped on a rake that had fallen over...and smack.

Gosh.... which one to pick🤔

Trying to do that one handed leap over a wall and catching my foot on it - bloody nose from faceplanting said wall

Doing dizzy wizzies with my eyes closed and falling into a jagged stone wall....that one was bloody, split my lip open... still have the scar.

Trying to stop my dog on a downhill gravel path with only a short lead and she was a great Dane....i fell...took so much skin off my jeans were shredded.
My white sneaker was red and squishy by the time i got back to the car.
Wept plasma for a week - had to sleep on tje couch with my leg hanging out or the sheets would stick to me and rip it open.

Got home drunk one night and made myself a coffee in the microwave.... was in for too long.
I took the cup out and when i put a spoon in it to stir it....it excited all the overheated molecules and above boiling point water frothed over my hand.
The skin just peeled off under the cold tap.

I can keep going....im a clutze🙄

When I was working, it was in the lumber section of the store, I just inexplicably walked into one of those steel poles keeping the wood in place, but a bigger one was when I was still in school riding my bike around a little bridge and hitting a beam sticking out of it split my chin open.

I once fell ice skating only I was at a standstill. Broke my tailbone.

Dropped my phone and when I lent over to pick it up I crashed my car into a wall 😂😭

I was making fun of Holy Rollers on the radio....(Pentecostal church service on a Sunday night) kicked a door jamb and broke a toe.

i was leaving neighbors house and his screen door caught my shoe,i fell on him and broke my glasses and ripped off the screen door

So there I was, trying to open a can with a pocket knife...