I used to wish my parents would acknowledge their wrongs & maybe even apologize for the past

I quit hoping for that years ago. Most parents never apologize & will never own up to the damage they caused you. They'd rather push it all away like it didn't exist. Carry on like it never happened. & If we try talking about it, we get told shit like "it wasn't like that", "things were different back then", or "that never happened"

They don't acknowledge what they did they just invalidate our feelings & make us feel like we're the broken ones.

I think a lot if it does come from self guilt. Sure, there's probably many who truly believe they did nothing wrong. But I'd bet most of them know the truth, yet they push it aside. Thinking that if we all pretend it doesn't matter, we don't have to think about it, so it's all fine.

It's not fine though. If you're the adult in the situation, don't make excuses for your bullshit. Own up to your goddamn mistakes because your kids will carry that with them forever. No matter how much you think you can forget.

I grew up angry. I fought a lot. I spent so much energy fighting everyone & everything & I'm tired. I'm not even angry anymore. I got over that. But that doesn't mean the hurt is gone. Anger was only a byproduct of being hurt... but the hurt is forever there.

I simply learned that pointing fingers doesn't solve shit.
All I can do is figure out the root of my own traumas & take accountability for my own actions to heal on my own. We can't take accountability for anyone else, they gotta take that for themselves.

Whether they ever do or not, f*ck it. Heal YOU.

WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F

I try to apologize immediately if I feel I was wrong or even snappy with my children.

If I’m having a rough day and my kids are nuts, and I finally lose it and yell… I always will sit with them after and say “sorry mommy yelled, my feelings got too big and I didn’t handle it properly”. Kids learn so much from how their parents react/act. I’m still human and have my breaking points, I’m never gonna be perfect, but I apologize when I screw up.

As for my own parents, I don’t speak with my father and my mother often does exactly what you describe (dismisses stuff I bring up remembering). She has however apologized for *some* stuff since I’ve had kids of my own. She has even said “I wish I could have let go a little more and that I handled a lot differently”. (So that’s something I guess).

I think a lot of parents do what your parents do…. Explain things away “times were different”, or dismiss. It’s a way for them to avoid looking there. I’m sure they do carry guilt over it though. I don’t know how they couldn’t. I feel guilt over the stupidest shit with my kids, because I love them so much… I’m sure your parents love you too. Maybe some day you will all be able to talk about it

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@WaryWitchWandering that's awesome that you could do that with your kids. It's needed & they really will remember that stuff forever. More than anything else, that's what will help them take accountability in their future.

Apologizing & accountability is something I learned from my mom. I was raised by my father. He abused us. He could never be real about his feelings or admit to what he did... but he provided no matter what. That's the main thing I took from him.

My mom, she's been on drugs most of our life. She introduced me to my spirit, always was honest even if it made her look bad. From her, I learned to always be real.. but to never walk away like she did.

Kids remember everything. I was 5 when my parents split & I was the oldest. I'm the only one who remembers them being together. I'm the only one who remembers the fights, the violence, the cops showing up. I'm the only one who accepted our mom leaving.. because I knew it was for the better. Even at that age I knew.

Your parents sound similar. It's really common amongst us all. But yeah.. I do wish my parents could be honest one day.. I just don't count on it anymore

Lemony1199 · F

@WaryWitchWandering It's amazing what you doing as a Mother you doing good I'm sure your kids do love you too, hugs 🤗