I used to wish my parents would acknowledge their wrongs & maybe even apologize for the past

I quit hoping for that years ago. Most parents never apologize & will never own up to the damage they caused you. They'd rather push it all away like it didn't exist. Carry on like it never happened. & If we try talking about it, we get told shit like "it wasn't like that", "things were different back then", or "that never happened"

They don't acknowledge what they did they just invalidate our feelings & make us feel like we're the broken ones.

I think a lot if it does come from self guilt. Sure, there's probably many who truly believe they did nothing wrong. But I'd bet most of them know the truth, yet they push it aside. Thinking that if we all pretend it doesn't matter, we don't have to think about it, so it's all fine.

It's not fine though. If you're the adult in the situation, don't make excuses for your bullshit. Own up to your goddamn mistakes because your kids will carry that with them forever. No matter how much you think you can forget.

I grew up angry. I fought a lot. I spent so much energy fighting everyone & everything & I'm tired. I'm not even angry anymore. I got over that. But that doesn't mean the hurt is gone. Anger was only a byproduct of being hurt... but the hurt is forever there.

I simply learned that pointing fingers doesn't solve shit.
All I can do is figure out the root of my own traumas & take accountability for my own actions to heal on my own. We can't take accountability for anyone else, they gotta take that for themselves.

Whether they ever do or not, f*ck it. Heal YOU.

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Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

The comment I always got whenever I would bring up some shit they did
was " We did the best we could".
But I wouldn't change any of that crap, like I have mentioned before, because I wouldn't be so damned hard core on telling my kids every time I act like an ass or do something less than loving and thoughtful.
I only see them every other week so sometimes I have to sit on that shit for 10 days before I get to apologize or explain.
I know how important that kind of stuff is beings how I looked for it for so many years and never got anything close.

You are right about the healing. It's all on you at this point.
I made piece with my shit by doing the exact opposite for my kids and feeling their respect and understanding.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Dainbramadge I feel you. Apologizing & owning up to my mistakes, is something I learned from my mom. Because my mom was always honest with me & would apologize if she was wrong. Even though she wasn't there most of the time, when she was, she was real with me. My dad never apologized for shit.. but he was the one who raised us. So I respect him for his strength & motivation but I hate that he could never be real about his mistakes.

Either way, I forgive both of my parents. It doesn't mean life is easy.. but I forgive them. I'm not mad about what I went through. I've learned from both of them.

From my dad, I learned to always provide.. but never close off my emotions & choose women over my kids.
From my mom, I learned to always be real & honest, but never walk away or choose drugs over my kids.
Because that's exactly what they both did