I’m waiting to die

We can always make friends, honey. You just have to make the right kind of friends. Ones that won't leave you nor abandon you. Let me be your friend. Let us be your friend. Those who really care, will love and support you and encourage you. They are out there.

We hear you. I hear you. I have been abandoned and ghosted as well. You're not ugly honey. There's just ugly people out there sometimes. Not all, but some. Those you have to stay away from and hang with people who love you and will always encourage you. Believe me, they are out there and I think you'll find some here. Love is not controlling. Stay away from those type people. Your life will improve greatly. Move away and stay away from those who don't support you and encourage you.

I would be lying if I told you I was socially adaptable. Hahaha I am very awkward and this is truly why I stay to myself. I am socially awkward. I'm okay with being by myself, but I do want to improve and get out more amongst the people and socialize because I think that's what people do need even though they would deny it. No man is an island. We definitely do need each other. I do have wonderful things to offer. I'm certain you do, too. It's just that I was, and felt, alone from the very beginning. So I'm used to staying to myself. I can relate. When we're disappointed, we can sometimes turn that in on ourselves and tell ourselves we're ugly or that something's wrong with us, but let me assure you that is not the case. We're just hurting and not reasoning right. When we're hurting we can't reason right. When people reject us, it has absolutely nothing to do with us. They make us feel that way sometimes, but we must tell ourselves the truth. It's nothing personal. It's just that people have their preferences and nothing says they have to prefer us, specifically. We shouldn't expect them to. They have the right to choose who they want to be with and love. It's not about us. It's simply about their preference and that's okay. When the right one comes along, then things will fall into place. Like you, I have been unlucky in love and never have had a successful romantic relationship. It started out okay, but then I chose badly. I didn't realize the person was controlling and selfish. My mistake but I didn't beat myself up for it. It was a hard lesson I just had to learn. I can't blame the other person for not being emotionally available. I just wasn't for them and that's okay. What was not okay, however, was there abusive nature and so that's why it didn't work and why I had to move on. We have to do these things and protect ourselves but not hate the other person. I assure you, that you will find love. All is not lost, as our mind would have us believe, sometimes. You are very young yet. You are worthy of love. You deserve love. You will find someone. You just have to find the right someone. Love yourself enough to not allow abuse. More importantly, love yourself enough not to abuse yourself.

A happy life includes taking chances. We cannot really close ourselves off to people and then expect to be content. We were made and created to be social. And there's good reason for that. We just weren't meant to be alone all the time. It's wonderful when we can love, encourage, and support each other. You don't have to fight yourself or with yourself. When you learn from mistakes like I have, you realize that when the right people come along under the right circumstances, things fall into place in a lovely way. You can't force a round peg into a square hole. Forcing never works and we're not meant to force things. They will come in time. Meanwhile we take good care of ourselves because we love ourselves.

I lovingly and gently ask you to consider something. I mean no harm by this but have you considered that if you walked into a room and found your sister dead on the floor, how devastating that would be? That would be the saddest day of your life and one you would never forget nor get out of your mind. You would blame yourself and you would ask yourself why didn't I do this or that with my sister? Why didn't I see this coming? And then the torment of having to live with that guilt the rest of your life. I don't think you would want that for your sister. In fact I know you wouldn't. You see what I'm saying? I know you wouldn't want to do that to your sister and it's not that I'm trying to make you feel guilty for wanting to leave this world, it's just that I know you wouldn't want to hurt your family or want this for them. Yes they would probably understand why, but they would never get over losing such a wonderful and beautiful daughter. It would truly be the saddest day of their lives. And the worst part is they couldn't get you back. I don't think I could live with that either. Sometimes people can't help it. They should never feel guilty about how they feel or why nor have to explain themselves, that's not what I'm saying. They can't help the way they feel about life and what they want to do about it, but I'm just asking you to stop and give yourself another chance, a brand new life. That brand new life and beginning starts with Jesus. I know because I've been there and I almost died as I mentioned in my earlier reply to you. Death is not the answer. Jesus is the answer. We love you. We really love you. Please don't leave us. Please don't do this to yourself. You owe it to yourself to give yourself a brand new beginning and a brand new life in Christ. He saved me and he will save you. If you will give him a chance, please.

My therapist once told me that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary feeling. If you feel unwanted and underappreciated, pick up your things and move, not down the road, move to a new country, or a new city. Go find yourself without the people that you feel are limiting you. I did that when I was 23, and it was the best decision I made. You can't heal in the same environment that broke you, I know that sounds cliche, but it's true.

Imagine being 42, and not having a true long term relationship :( You are only 28, please do not be hard on yourself!!! And... I know abuse very well from family, and it is NOT your fault. You are not unwanted, or unloved. It could FEEL that way, but feelings are not facts. as my fave. author, Byron Katie, says, we are LOVE ITSELF. And you are too Zaun. You are not an object. You are not an extension of anyone. You are you, and you are worth life, and worth love. Thoughts will lie to us, and say 'oh no, you are worth nothing. b/c of this or that'.. My mind has done it soooo much. And it is a HELL. But I'm finally seeing little by little, is that TRUE? That I"m so so bad that I don't deserve what everyone else gets or deserves ??? Well, abuse and trauma made me believe I am worth nothing. But I am looking back and seeing, Was I truly worth Nothing???? No. And that goes for you. You have a mind and a heart and are simply a Worthy person, PERIOD. 🪻

🙏🏻Seems like we're all fighting mental illness. Worry, anxiety, depression are mine. And throw in PTSD. Suicide is a permanent solution into what can be made a temporary problem. Seek out different medication, counseling, exercises, activity, prayer. I had parents who usually didn't know what they were doing, also. "Gonna knock some sense into em!" - my father as he banged my head on the wall, maybe the floor. He's long gone and I never got an apology. But you can win this.🙏

I attempted suicide several times, but in 2018, I overdosed and was transported to the hospital. I can tell you that after taking the overdose, I immediately regretted it, and if I hadn't been found in time, I would not have survived. It's all blurry. I only remember crawling up the stairs because I couldn't walk, and when I got up there, I kept seeing flashing lights. I can't recall much after that. I indicated that I regretted swallowing so many pills, but when I woke up in a hospital bed with tubes all over me, I regretted not dying because I was embarrassed of myself and simply wanted to disappear. Thankfully, I no longer feel that way, and I am glad I didn't die. Your post really touched me. See what you did? You are worth it. Maybe you don't appeal to yourself; so many of us don't, but you are worth it. Please don't be afraid to reach out for help, and don't hesitate to message me if you need to vent.

Do whatever you need to do to hold on. Watch a sunset, eat some delicious food, play with a dog (they love you unconditionally), listen to music that you love… experience all of the good things that life has to offer, that you wouldn’t be able to in death. You’ve never experienced motherhood, and there is no greater love or motivation in the world. Even if you raise a child on your own. Right the wrongs of your childhood, by raising your own child with the love and care that you sadly missed out on. Giving love gives our lives purpose. You’re still a young woman, with plenty of time to write your own story. As far as I know, we are only given one life, so make the best of it, and live it fully.

Please call one of the hotlines.
Might make a difference.

Have you ever gotten up early and watched the Sun rise, it's the start the start of a new day for everyone including you and me, the people you love and the people you love. Give yourself the opportunity to digest things daily and care about the ones that care and love you

Suicide is not the solution. Lets talk

You are still young and beautiful. Don't do this

My prayers for you! 🙏

Don't ever think of it. When someone does not have parents, God, By default is their parent.From now onwards, you will be known daughter of God in my eyes.

I’m not going to make this long winded nor full of cliches of “you’re young and you have time” I’m in a similar situation in regards to my parents, my love life is non existent, and I have no friends. I saw my sister get married last fall. If you ever need a friend, someone to vent to who’s in the same boat message me. I’m on here quite a bit and will respond to you. I added you so your message doesn’t get lost in my requests

this is so goth its unblvbl

Your struggles sound a lot like mine. Maybe we have something in common. Feel free to dm me back.

Familiar

You'd better not. If you think there's nothing after this life, you are dead wrong.