I have the same exact thpughts every single day. This very month, 3 yrs ago I had the best job of my life (As an ER Tech I drew blood, did ekgs, had tons of women around me, friends, respect and did great work helping people from death and disease). I had a wonderful wife (My best friend, lover and even drinking buddy of 21 years), my beautiful daughters are niw gone to live in the city and won't come back up to see me, I'm living alone in a big empty home surrounded with constant memories. I don't know who I am. I don't like who I am. Drank heavily and it didn't help. Oh, and im 56 and can't spend Valentine's day (wedding anniversary), April 23rd (the day we met in 1993), I can't listen to "Copacabana" disco song by an older dude named Barry Manilow because it's a song about two lovers who met "At the Copa" that ends tragically when he dies. I cant be alone on my birthday in July because I don't want anymore birthdays after she left me (no one to care or to celebrate with). Halloweens were once a big deal for us and the kid's. I cant be alone on her birthday in November (always another special day for us always). I still have health but who wants to live with no purpose or loved ones to be woth at night ? And its so hard to be thankful at Thanksgiving, Christmas has little joy (God forgive me) and im in canada with family to keep from beimg alone but its not the family my exwife and I created (And do I really look forward to another year of the same ?).Can't be alone then either. So i had to drive to Massachussets every year to keep from being alone and unsafe. I've lost my job, my wife, my marriage, my daughters, my purpose in life is gone. Who am I now ? So iwhy are you depressed ? Could you share ?
