When you’re trying to get over someone you were deeply involved with and the relationship abruptly ended…..

Therapy then Codependency Recovery 12 Steps.

Knowing and realizing you’ll never hear from them again do you pretend they never existed?
Never. I reflect deeply on my choices, acknowledge my pain, but feel grateful for the good memories. Things make me think about them every single day. I wouldn't have learned the lessons I had and experienced the great self growth I did had I not met them.

That it all was a farce?
I refuse to believe it was all a farce. Was there 'farceness', absolutely- but not all of it.

Do you find ways to hate them in order to move on easier?
I could never hate them, no matter how much I got hurt.
Hurt people, hurt people.
I hate some of the things that were done to me.
I don't like some of the choices I made that lead to me continuing to be hurt. I believe I will always hold love for them in some part of my heart.

And the gut and heart wrenching fade?
It will fade in time, but some sadness, grief, longing and a sense of loss still linger years later. For me I've found a sense of ownership over my part and I think that helped diminish any blame, resentment and bitterness.

Once I have decided that I love someone (which doesn't happen often) it would take a lot to change that. So much so that it's never happened. I can't imagine what would make me stop loving her.

To me, loving someone means wanting them to grow to be the best version of themselves that they can possibly be. If she is a better "her" without me in her world, then my way forward is to love her silently, from afar, hoping that she's growing into an even better "her".

No point in me being sad or, worse, bitter about something I can't change -- and if I ever truly loved her, why would I ever want anything but the best for her? Loving her isn't conditional on being loved back.

So I'll miss her and go on with life, but I don't try to stop thinking about her -- that's a lost cause anyhow. I just try to think positive thoughts. Better for the soul that way. Time makes that easier.

Yeah, I know. I'm weird as hell.

It’s difficult, if you actually love someone you can’t just let them go. For me it was clear that he didn’t love me. Care a little maybe. But I had to stop. I had to remove myself from anything and anywhere he was. I hid and went on a healing. It took awhile. I still and may always care for him but I’m good. Plus looking back, what a long time I wasted loving and longing. It’s a brighter day now. Every day 🙂 Give yourself time. They call it a broken heart because it really is one.

I really have no idea. We just had our 29th anniversary. But you need to focus on what you can control and knowing yourself. Looking back and asking “what if” will always happen, but don’t dwell there. The universe has another path for you.

Work on you😉
Work on a fun project that takes time.
Give your time to family and friends - cultivate the connections you already have, or at least try.
Take a class. Anything, painting, piano, dance.
LIFT YOU up. Because YOU MATTER.

Well honestly I can't just pretend they never existed. I usually ruminate for a while, and then try to process my feelings and come to a place of acceptance. For me I kind of need to go through all the stages of grief usually.

I deal with the hurt and then i let it go and i dont give them another thought. I don't like reliving things so i push it from my mind and in time i think about them less and less. I focus on myself.

Throw yourself into work, hobbies, anything healthy and positive to keep your mind busy. Surround yourself with friends and family for support. It will take some time, but you will survive this. "The only way out is through."

It depends how it ends for me. If its a cheat its good riddance. If its that youve grown apart or they have died. Even if you were dumped or you dumped them then its a hurtful process nevertheless. Time helps imo.

I let it hurt and remember how much it hurts to be with them and recognize it's better this way.

I write.
And yes, I find ways to hate them. Anger, for me, is easier to deal with than hurt.
And I cry...

Cry for a week, then realize it's time to move on.

Play sad songs.