Am I wrong to feel this way Hi there, i guess i just needed to vent about my relationship at...

Gibbon · 70-79, M

You may not like this but I'm going to say it you need to hear it. Whether or not you do anything with it is up to you.

You say click? Given all the things you describe we have different definitions of what click means. I didn't find it for real until I was 57. See my profile and About me.

You describe someone who is self centered and unwilling to give of himself to a relationship which I'm certain he would regret losing if you said you had enough of his BS and walked out. The logistics of that possibility aren't important at the moment.

If he has never been violent to you or doesn't have that tendency there's no resson you can't take a stance and straighten this manchild out.
This game playing need is extended adailecense that admittedly to many men AND women carry way too far into adulthood. It needs be temporary relaxation not an all day priority.

Have the talk and let him know how serious you are. You're not his momma and he is selfish expecting you to carry him. Jobs are not going to the playground to have fun. He needs to find one and stick to it whether he likes it or not. He has an obligation to provide for you and his kid. He needs to grow up and man up.

The longer it goes on the worse it's going to get. Don't be afraid to investigate your ways out before hand.
Put him in a corner. I've seen this story. He needs you and his kid in his life more than you convince yourself you need him.
He just doesn't know it for himself because he hasn't been forced to face the music to point his mind pops and says "Holy sh-t I'm really going to be alone".

MrMortal · 41-45, M

It doesn't surprise me how many people on here would cast their negative outlook on your partner, and give you more justification to break things off with him.
People are prone to destroy rather than mend and build. It's a sad reality of what we've become as a human race.
It takes bucket loads of effort to develop and grow, be it personally, spiritually, or even relationships. Most people nowadays want quick gratification.
If you want quick temporary gratification, then by all means - vent your troubles with your beloved out there, expose it all and burn what you've already built.
if you want long term solace, then work at it, and even work at him. More importantly work on yourself too. As you become more, you will learn to influence the world around you - including that of your loved ones.
There's a line between influence and manipulation, you would know it within yourself what your intent is.
As for your situation, If a heart to heart conversation cannot shed some insight on how you feel, then you need to do something different... write a hand written letter, drop a tear or 2 on it if you have to... there's many ways that would work for you, only you would know best what will likely have the outcome that you desire. You must just be willing to do what it takes, and the fact that you are taking steps to ratify how you feel, implies that you are closer to the resolution than you think. I envy you for that 'ah haa' moment you will experience, and wish you all of the best in your struggles. Let me know how things turn out for you

exchrist · 31-35

Your perspective seems perfectly reasonable.
Does he get on well with the baby?
Usually bonding with a child eases alot of anxiety. Are you still sexing?
(try compliments and offering to take blame.), say thank you as often as possible. Is he working? Make him feel appreciate ask to do things he enjoys. Do you have a show you watch together? Favorite food? Try to go out more. Does he at least enjoy spending time with his child?

being · 36-40, F

Is he an Indian hippie... It's a beautiful thing to be..but then, we all are asked to change and do Life differently, especially when a child arrives.

It's important for the dad to be happy of course, but it's important for the mum to be happy too ya know ... ?

I mean, it's really important for you to feel safe and supported, in order for you to be able to be relaxed and provide for your child. He provides for you and you for the child.

I think you are the one who needs to put your priorities straight, so he'll stop getting mixed signals and being confused. Dare to ask for what you need. Ask fully. Not "I-know-you-are-going-though-a-lot-but---". This is victim mentality. It shows You don't have your priorities straight and giving them excuses. Be more decisive over what it is that is needed right now.. and then ask him to see it.

Your softness is wonderful but right now it feels like it's being taken advantage off and you need this energy you're wasting, for yourself and your child right now. Is just a newborn! You put your priorities straight !!!:)

Intuitive · 46-50, F

He sounds very immature . He should be working with you ...his priorities should be your baby and you . My heart goes out to you because I also had bad postpartum depression and no support at all. And you having past trauma makes it all that much worse.
I'm really sorry .

in10RjFox · M

The problem is that you three are together most of the time that causes a lot of friction, which you need to avoid first. You are known devils to each other. So first thing you need to do is to stop finding fault with each other and complaining to each other.

Since all of are home all the time, you while away the time by doing something and then act all of a sudden for emergencies like child crying, phone ringing etc. which basically disturbs your slumber.

So start following these steps

1. Both of you go mute and start texting instead. Don't call each other by screaming your name as it's gets in the nerve of both.

2 reduce your dependency. Assign household chores and responsibilities to each other by planning your day/ week/ month.. phone has all the features for reminders and alarms. Start using it systematically. Don't make silly issues surface each day.

3. Rather than spending time at home all the time, start finding ways to be outside of home like going for a stroll , spending time in the park with the baby etc and for anything only text each other.

4. Discuss life by texting while you are away from each other and don't even call each other. Take time to think and reply each other, instead of reacting impulsively. Once you start ignoring the faults and focus on the main issue, he too will stop the blame game and look at life seriously.

Convivial · 26-30, F

I hate to be a pain but I think he wants a mother, not a wife... Sounds like he had a lot of growing to do... Hopefully I'm wrong

Massageman · 70-79, M

He's in his 30's and "must game" everyday? I'd suggest marriage counseling for a start. He just isn't stepping up to his responsibilities.

MyNameIsHurl · 41-45, F

He needs to step up, it's just gonna cause you more stress if he doesn't

Mudkip · 31-35, M

He sounds like an overgrown infant. I expect my nephew to act like that when I take his switch away. The only difference is that he's 4.

mainvane · 61-69, M

you picked him hon...

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SomeMichGuy · M

Well, you're no longer "just clicking" and you have a huge communication & respect issue.

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