Am I wrong to feel this way

Hi there, i guess i just needed to vent about my relationship at the moment. We've been together for 4 years and its been almost perfect with the exception of he struggles to find work or keep a job for more than a year. We had a baby back in September and our baby had to go in to a childrens hospital, luckily our baby is fine now but im noticing or feeling like his priorities aren't right. He gets annoyed or angry if he cant game everyday, he still doesnt have a job and hes not a nice person in the mornings towards me(shouting at me for little things like going to the toilet whilst waiting for the kettle to boil and the baby is crying). I feel like im justified in being frustrated but every time i try and talk to him about how I'm feeling, i feel like he turns it around to being my fault, like i put too much pressure on him or i nag him too much. I am fully aware im not perfect in all of this, I've got postnatal depression and i already struggle with distress intolerance disorder and other mental health issues such as self harm (which I've not done for nearly 2years) as a result of a traumatic and abusive childhood so I'm sure I'm not the easiest to deal with sometimes. I truly love this man and we just click and have done since the day we met but recently i just dont know what to do. Im confused, i never know if I'm being unreasonable with him or if he genuinely needs to step up. I've always looked at it that now we're parents that we need to except that we can't do what we want whenever we want anymore but feels like he doesn't want to except that. I dont know anymore, i just want us back and for our baby to have a happy life.

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Gibbon · 70-79, M

You may not like this but I'm going to say it you need to hear it. Whether or not you do anything with it is up to you.

You say click? Given all the things you describe we have different definitions of what click means. I didn't find it for real until I was 57. See my profile and About me.

You describe someone who is self centered and unwilling to give of himself to a relationship which I'm certain he would regret losing if you said you had enough of his BS and walked out. The logistics of that possibility aren't important at the moment.

If he has never been violent to you or doesn't have that tendency there's no resson you can't take a stance and straighten this manchild out.
This game playing need is extended adailecense that admittedly to many men AND women carry way too far into adulthood. It needs be temporary relaxation not an all day priority.

Have the talk and let him know how serious you are. You're not his momma and he is selfish expecting you to carry him. Jobs are not going to the playground to have fun. He needs to find one and stick to it whether he likes it or not. He has an obligation to provide for you and his kid. He needs to grow up and man up.

The longer it goes on the worse it's going to get. Don't be afraid to investigate your ways out before hand.
Put him in a corner. I've seen this story. He needs you and his kid in his life more than you convince yourself you need him.
He just doesn't know it for himself because he hasn't been forced to face the music to point his mind pops and says "Holy sh-t I'm really going to be alone".

Royricky09

@Gibbon exactly. Perfectly said.

One can't clap with one hand

Luna123 · 31-35, F

@Gibbon i really appreciate the honesty, I'll be honest i didnt post about the stuff we click about because I'm frustrated with current situation over the past couple months that i didn't list the good from the last 4 years. I completely agree with you when it comes to work and gaming, i guess I'm not willing to give up the fight yet but i take what you've said seriously and will keep this in mind

Royricky09

@Luna123 keeping in mind won't help, you guys are parents now, time for actions.
Every single thing you do, will affect the child's life, keep that in mind.

Luna123 · 31-35, F

@Royricky09 i completely agree, i just think if i can find a way to keep my family together then i will. As i say before the last few months we were good and i dont want to give.up so quickly if it means there is a chance my child can grow up in unbroken home

Levenrack · 46-50, M

@Gibbon Facts.. I couldn't have said it any better.

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@Levenrack Surprisingly I have my moments. Sometimes I see a question like this and reflecting on my experiences my mind just becomes brain dead.

Levenrack · 46-50, M

@Gibbon Isn't that weird? Just like certain words for me should be a easy layup, like interrogative words.. When, Why, etc. But, when I look at them. They just don't look right and I second guess them. 🤔Anyways, sorry. Kind of went off-topic there.