Am I wrong to feel this way

Hi there, i guess i just needed to vent about my relationship at the moment. We've been together for 4 years and its been almost perfect with the exception of he struggles to find work or keep a job for more than a year. We had a baby back in September and our baby had to go in to a childrens hospital, luckily our baby is fine now but im noticing or feeling like his priorities aren't right. He gets annoyed or angry if he cant game everyday, he still doesnt have a job and hes not a nice person in the mornings towards me(shouting at me for little things like going to the toilet whilst waiting for the kettle to boil and the baby is crying). I feel like im justified in being frustrated but every time i try and talk to him about how I'm feeling, i feel like he turns it around to being my fault, like i put too much pressure on him or i nag him too much. I am fully aware im not perfect in all of this, I've got postnatal depression and i already struggle with distress intolerance disorder and other mental health issues such as self harm (which I've not done for nearly 2years) as a result of a traumatic and abusive childhood so I'm sure I'm not the easiest to deal with sometimes. I truly love this man and we just click and have done since the day we met but recently i just dont know what to do. Im confused, i never know if I'm being unreasonable with him or if he genuinely needs to step up. I've always looked at it that now we're parents that we need to except that we can't do what we want whenever we want anymore but feels like he doesn't want to except that. I dont know anymore, i just want us back and for our baby to have a happy life.

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in10RjFox · M

The problem is that you three are together most of the time that causes a lot of friction, which you need to avoid first. You are known devils to each other. So first thing you need to do is to stop finding fault with each other and complaining to each other.

Since all of are home all the time, you while away the time by doing something and then act all of a sudden for emergencies like child crying, phone ringing etc. which basically disturbs your slumber.

So start following these steps

1. Both of you go mute and start texting instead. Don't call each other by screaming your name as it's gets in the nerve of both.

2 reduce your dependency. Assign household chores and responsibilities to each other by planning your day/ week/ month.. phone has all the features for reminders and alarms. Start using it systematically. Don't make silly issues surface each day.

3. Rather than spending time at home all the time, start finding ways to be outside of home like going for a stroll , spending time in the park with the baby etc and for anything only text each other.

4. Discuss life by texting while you are away from each other and don't even call each other. Take time to think and reply each other, instead of reacting impulsively. Once you start ignoring the faults and focus on the main issue, he too will stop the blame game and look at life seriously.

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@in10RjFox I believe that's too much structure and effort to accomplish. What's really needed is some psychological method to get in this guys head there's actually benefit and enjoyment to being an actual participant in a family. I'm no shrink and I actually despise them but I'm certain there are methods that can slowly walk him out of the self centerness. I have seen a few people change their ways but it was a trauma event that brought it about.
It's ironic and mostly true once adults people don't change. But when you least expect it something changes some entire thought process.

in10RjFox · M

@Gibbon nothing like self help these days.. From the story you can see that they are in an impoverished state. So they obviously can't pay for professional help. Even then it's gonna be another psychologist who is gonna fleece them for their earning..

Things are easy. One just needs to start changing their behaviour.. become atypical than being typical..

I realised this much early in life and have perplexed many by my atypical response. Like I don't shout or scream the very moment but call after an hour with a list.. most lose their anger when you don't react to it at once .

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@in10RjFox I didn't recommend professional help. I stated I despise shrinks. I only said there must a psychological method to get this guy to realize the benefits of being a family I participant.

in10RjFox · M

@Gibbon daily wage jobs for unemployed that just pays per diem for anyone or on hourly basis run by the government can solve many problems..

Idle mind is what causes more trouble.

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@in10RjFox our conversation is drifting apart. Assumptions don't help a bit and tell me where did idle mind come from? On second thought don't say just leave it be.

in10RjFox · M

@Gibbon

tell me where did idle mind come from?

Both are jobless as per her desciption. And he is idling at home and not fetching any income.

Only pschological method is that they have to be away from each other most part of the day. If he had a job, then he is out of the house for 8 hours, while she can care for the baby. She also means that he is not putting any effort to find a new job or maybe getting frustrated not being able to secure any.

Luna123 · 31-35, F

@in10RjFox actually i said my partner is unemployed, im currently on maternity leave from my full time 60 hour job

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@in10RjFox I was going to correct you but she beat me to it. And I'm not going down this road with you but that is not the only psychological method.
You're picking at straws with his work situation. I already put my 2 cents in on that.

in10RjFox · M

@Luna123 Yes.. and that's why he is at home all the time. right? And you too are on leave, which makes all of you stay at home all the time minding each other's life. He could also be feeling guilty that he has no income. So I have given you tips to avoid friction.

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@in10RjFox You 4 years ago on soul mates.

6I differ in the sense that I see them as having attained a complacency .. no motivation to play and fear of failure.. and just settled with what they have..

I have a real problem with that statement and idea from my own once in a lifetime experience.
The statement is extracted from its full context but stands on it own.

If you haven't read my profile and about me do it now.

That statement has no place in a soulmate conversation no matter how cane to it. And multiple soulmates is BS. Change the discussion to acquaintances and you have valid theory. Vickie and i were soulmates the likes of which your post fails understanding. You're just playing philosopher and your not good at it.

Sorry if I stepped on your toes but I had the rarest relationship anyone can have in their and your post was an insult to it. The same as the multiple souls is.
This young lady needs real advice not hokum that pulls people apart to falsely bring togetherness.
Get me statistics on temporary separations and I'll show you long term failures.

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