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Am I being too mean?

Trigger warning: I will talk about eating disorders. If this is a topic that easily triggers you, please turn away from this post!!
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I have a few friends who found out about my eating disorders and now they’re constantly trying to make me eat. if I decline their food they’ll say something along the lines of “It’ll make me uncomfortable if you don’t eat”. Also since I don’t bring lunch they make me eat with them BUT I CANTTT. They literally won’t give up even if I cry about it (speaking from experience)

They’re just trying to look after me and all that but idk its kinda upsetting. I’m not at the stage of accepting recovery so I don’t want their help, but I feel bad because they genuinely care. I just don’t want to entangle them in my business because this is very personal to me. If I ever choose that “Ayo I want to stop this” then I’ll do that on my own. I don’t need them to babysit me.

Yet at the same time I get it. Because if something happened to me, they’d feel guilty for not doing anything about it.

UGHHHH IM HAVING AN INTERNAL CONFLICT
Long story short, I’m confused af. I do love my friends and therefore I can’t bring myself to tell them about this because I feel kinda mean tbh
Sleeptls123
22-25, F
11 replies 235 views Dec 6, 2022
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Edited: 1 yr ago
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HootyTheNightOwl
Sit them down and explain that while you understand and appreciate their concern... their approach isn't helpful to you at the stage you are at right now.

If you say nothing and let this drag out, there's a chance that it could set you back further from the stage that you are currently at and make you worse still.

My own recovery hasn't been the easiest - and I've had to ask certain people to not make a scene around my diet or lack thereof because it was sapping the little enthusiasm I had to eat anything at all.

While I'm still not eating a balanced diet, I have managed to increase the quantity of meals and foods that I do eat... the rest will have to wait until I get away from here.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Dec 6, 2022
Lousierosey · 16-17, F
First off. Seek help eating disorders (even though I’ve never had one) impact your life and body eventually it will escalate and turn into something that will take you to a hospital. Second your friends are very kind and loving but tell them that you require personal space. Stuff like this might require professional help and it gets into your daily life and annoys the heck out of you. Tell your friends that you need to heal slowly. Also if you don’t want to be upfront about it then try to accept a few of their food options and if they try to push you to eat more tell them you have to heal at a median pace. I heard online that eating too fast during an Ed can make you feel nauseous so be careful with that. I’m not a professional I’m just trying to help with my small nowledge and take whatever I say with a grain of salt because I don’t want to hurt anyone.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jan 5, 2023
bijouxbroussard · F
It’s not mean to tell someone when something is a personal struggle for you and you’re trying to deal with it.

They should be made aware that when they don’t respect your efforts it makes the struggle more difficult.

True friends should be able to hear that without taking offense, because it’s not about them.
+ 4 · Reply · Translate · Dec 6, 2022
JustGoneNow ·
@bijouxbroussard that and cutting are my biggest battles. Even with the mental stuff calms down… i sometimes want to starve or cut or both.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 6, 2022
SW-User
Its not mean at all. Its more mean to try to force someone with an ED to eat and in public. I'm sorry. I understand.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Dec 6, 2022
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
I hope you can get the help you need.
In depression we are told to cheer up and we would if we could, so the advice is useless.
I won't pretend to understand what your going through, however, as I never straved myself.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 7, 2022
Ella97 · 26-30, F
Your friends should listen and support what you need, not what they think you need. I also have an E.D and that is not okay! They need to let you go at your pace. If you need to chat I'm here ):
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 7, 2022
JustGoneNow ·
I have been battling anorexia most of my adult life. I can relate to everything you’ve said.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 6, 2022
Ryderbike
Focus on becoming as healthy and fit as you can. Anything else is nonsense.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 6, 2022
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
It's like telling someone just to stop drinking or smoking. It's a process, it's complex, and you'll deal with it the best you can.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Dec 6, 2022
JustGoneNow ·
@uncalled4 Except most people understand addiction to substances but they don’t understand the obsession with this aspect of control. Many times in my life, I had virtually no control over almost any part of my life. It’s a level of helplessness that I don’t want anyone to experience unless they have to like I did… but during that, what I could control was what passed my lips and what sharp things pressed against my skin. It became my security blanket and coping mechanism. At certain times, it’s all I had. And even though I know both are dangerous and one is literally slowly killing me it’s hard to leave my old friends because I’m terrified of being powerless again. Sorry, I’m kind of rambling and that probably made no sense.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 6, 2022
 
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