Am I being too mean?

Trigger warning: I will talk about eating disorders. If this is a topic that easily triggers you, please turn away from this post!!
.
.
.
I have a few friends who found out about my eating disorders and now they’re constantly trying to make me eat. if I decline their food they’ll say something along the lines of “It’ll make me uncomfortable if you don’t eat”. Also since I don’t bring lunch they make me eat with them BUT I CANTTT. They literally won’t give up even if I cry about it (speaking from experience)

They’re just trying to look after me and all that but idk its kinda upsetting. I’m not at the stage of accepting recovery so I don’t want their help, but I feel bad because they genuinely care. I just don’t want to entangle them in my business because this is very personal to me. If I ever choose that “Ayo I want to stop this” then I’ll do that on my own. I don’t need them to babysit me.

Yet at the same time I get it. Because if something happened to me, they’d feel guilty for not doing anything about it.

UGHHHH IM HAVING AN INTERNAL CONFLICT
Long story short, I’m confused af. I do love my friends and therefore I can’t bring myself to tell them about this because I feel kinda mean tbh

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

It's like telling someone just to stop drinking or smoking. It's a process, it's complex, and you'll deal with it the best you can.

JustGoneNow

@uncalled4 Except most people understand addiction to substances but they don’t understand the obsession with this aspect of control. Many times in my life, I had virtually no control over almost any part of my life. It’s a level of helplessness that I don’t want anyone to experience unless they have to like I did… but during that, what I could control was what passed my lips and what sharp things pressed against my skin. It became my security blanket and coping mechanism. At certain times, it’s all I had. And even though I know both are dangerous and one is literally slowly killing me it’s hard to leave my old friends because I’m terrified of being powerless again. Sorry, I’m kind of rambling and that probably made no sense.