Struggles & Identity > Life

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CONFESSION TIME -- Your turn

Anyone remember EP confessions? I miss those.

Didn't use them much then...but now, would be nice.

I cheated on someone I loved, 2018.

Slowly after I became an alcoholic.

The very two things I despised and swore against....I became.

Sober until 22, virgin until 24 (2012). Had a good steady relationship until 2018.

I became disgusted with myself once I cheated. Can't look at myself or love myself. That was 5 years ago. Trying to drink myself to death because that's what I deserve.

Wouldn't you say? Think of the one that hurt you..... I am that person. They should suffer, yes? You hate them.

Seems only logical to hate myself.

I can only spend the rest of my life repenting.

It's just disgusting. I feel disgusting. The people who hurt you should feel disgusting.

We do.

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BlueVeins · 26-30

Truth is, you deserve to be happy despite all that you've done. It's not logical to hate yourself.

HellsBelle · F

@BlueVeins it seems very logical. do bad things, deserve bad things.

BlueVeins · 26-30

@HellsBelle Justice is a social construct designed to discourage bad behavior. You already know what you did wrong and you're not going to do it again, so there's no point in putting yourself through all this pain. Go out and do some volunteering. You can't fix the heart you broke, but you can help mend other ones. That's what I try to do.

reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M

the way I feel about those who have hurt me? I hope they evolve and grow and become better people. self-love means being your best friend. if your best friend was in your position what would you say to them, how would you treat them? be like that with yourself. your only way out is self-love. you have to choose to not be who you were and be the new improved you and be proud of the new you. feeling bad help no one. as a joke when someone tells me "sorry, I feel so bad for what I did" I say " how is you feeling bad supposed to make me feel better? you want to make me feel better? give me money!!!" 😂 its a joke but it means repare stuff, make good, be a part of the positive in this world, do volunteer work. apologize to people if you can but not to win them back, just to say you wish good on them. I will never again be friend's with those that hurt me but if they'd at least say they realise it was wrong and wish they hadn't done it, i'd be happy with that. just to be told that I didn't deserve what they did. as long as you are hating and self-destructing you are still focussed on yourself. focus on others, make others fell good.

HellsBelle · F

@reflectingmonkey The problem is, I still want a future with the person I hurt.

reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M

@HellsBelle you need to focus on THEIR needs. say you are sorry, acknowledge that they didn't deserve this but rather they deserve a fathful mate and say you understand if they never want to see you again but for the record you still love them and would be happy if they'd call you again one day. if having them back is more important to you than giving them the space to heal, that is a big red flag for me and makes me think that you need more time to grow before being with someone.

BlueVeins · 26-30

Back in my teen years, I was on this really backwater social media app. Had been there for a while and I guess I got bored, wanted a little attention, so I stopped using my account and made two new accounts to pretend someone had stabbed me and I was in the hospital. I had conversations with the friends I had made there as the fake people I invented. Looking back, it was some seriously psychotic shit and also really cringe, guess I still had a long way to go in cultivating a sense of compassion for others.

I eventually apologized profusely to at least one of those friends and returned to the site. There was another occasion where someone posted a pic of clouds that looked like angels bc a family member of theirs died and I responded with several paragraphs about how God doesn't exist, so you can at least sleep easy knowing you never did that.

Heartlander

@BlueVeins Someone pulled something like that on me/us about 30 tears ago, but in real life. I was taking a few computer courses at a local Junior College and during a break, in the lunchroom, someone in a heavy east-European accent started asking questions about common things, as if he was a recent immigrant, etc. The conversation continued from week to week with everyone extending themselves to accommodate all the questions and uncertainties, At some point the conversation turned dark. He had received word that his girlfriend (in Ukraine) had been arrested and he was beside himself with worry and it was probably his fault because he had been a defector from behind the Iron curtain. For weeks, the questions and conversation was all about "have you heard anything?", "have you called our congresspesons for help?", etc. Then three or four weeks into everyone worrying about this poor political refugee, he confessed, it was all a sham. A joke-drama by himself and a friend sitting at the next table to see how long he could continue the fraud. And he only owned up, confessed, because he was starting to feel guilty about causing us distress over his fake distress. He played the game for about 6 weeks. Had he not confessed he probably could have completed the semester with us believing, and would have carried the concern with us as we all went our separate ways.

BlueVeins · 26-30

@Heartlander For all the bad shit I've done, I can't imagine being brave enough to do it irl. Attention is one helluva drug.

Renkon · M

Broken trust is difficult to repair. You can express your regret to him. You made a blunder.
If you can learn from that error, it's no longer a mistake. You can move on.

Personally, I believe that anyone who cheats is cheating themselves.

DrWatson · 70-79, M

A good person can do bad things. What you did does not define you.

Many people do what you did and then try to minimize the import of it. The fact that you are not doing so speaks volumes about your integrity, despite your lapse in integrity at the time.

You ask us to make an analogy with people who hurt us, that since we supposedly hate them, it makes sense for you to hate yourself. But there is another side to this:

Many times, after someone is hurt by a breach of trust in a relationship, the couple manages to work on the relationship (perhaps with counselling) and to heal. Many people do end up forgiving the ones who hurt them. And so.....likewise, it makes sense for you to eventually forgive yourself as well.

And I hope you eventually can.

dubkebab · 56-60, M

In my experience,until you decide to sober up these emotions and guilt will simply fester and keep you stuck.I have done much worse things than what you describe and with hard work and honesty I pulled out of my deadly spiral.I also had help with gradually returning to sanity . It's possible for you too when you decide you've suffered enough. Easy does it.

HellsBelle · F

@dubkebab I find myself wondering....what for? What is the purpose. I sit on the bench facing the lake in nature and.....I absorb it but feel nothing. What is the purpose

dubkebab · 56-60, M

@HellsBelle There are many differing purposes in life which we can find when we choose to quit stuffing our emotions into a bottle.Worth a try.

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

I used to use those confessions every once and a while. I've wished they've had it here a few times.

I made that choice too once, having never thought I'd make it, and felt shame in my choice...but I don't let myself feel regret because I've learned from it.

I'm sorry you feel disgusting, I hope you can find your way out of that.

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SW-User

No, not married@HellsBelle oh i hate video chat i never do videos....

HellsBelle · F

@SW-User don't you ever just want to say eff it? we aren't trying to impress each other. We don't owe each other anything. wouldn't it be nice to chat free?

SW-User

Uumm@HellsBelle idk

MizzBella · 31-35, T

I am a kleptomaniac and nearly got my ass beat once for it. If it's not bolted down I'm going to try to swipe it.

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