Do you ever feel so low about your life?

@Baybreeze
Yes.

@uncalled4 I'm sure it'll be a small pool, I fear rejection so much that someone will be fed up with me ..that I can't switch off these symptoms 😢 But ty so much maybe some would be ok with it.

@Baybreeze the other person can have issues too. I mean, my fiancee has ADHD and that takes some getting used to as well. ADHD people can be impulsive AF and that can derail plenty of stuff. And it does.

tHanks so much especially on the last part, because with chronic PTSD, I DON'T feel whole😢But you're right, having anxiety means I'm human. Ty again🌹 @Nob0dy @Nob0dy

@PatientlyWaiting25 Would a choice need to be conscious, because I definitely don't think or have had a clear thought of choosing, I'll do nothing. Trauma makes you feel numb, non-existent, and distorted thinking, often that you don't deserve joy, or regular things, and that you're also incapable of it. I agree to not compare, Bec you don't truly know of someone life is what they're portraying. Ty🌼

@Baybreeze it can be both I think. You already recognised that some of the feelings you're having are negative - such as the feeling that you don't deserve joy or that you are incapable of it but the choice is, what do you do with that? You can choose to call it out as negative and thus not a helpful or truthful thought or you can choose to accept it. Each time you make the choice that it's not true or helpful, you slowly reeducate your brain of that fact ❤

@JoyfulSilence I have friends who live in villages someone from a large town might regard as bucolic idylls; and I used to be rather jealous of them.

Then one told me one day, "[This village] is no place to grow old."

No shops apart from a farm shop (expensive and of limited range), no Post Office, no public transport... The nearest towns with any of the shops, services and facilities we all rely on are all several miles' drives away for them. The village does have a thriving community but I am not sure if they are very active in it.

She and her husband have lived there since, probably, their early-thirties when both were in well-paid professions but had commuting round-trips of some thirty miles each day.

Later I realised I was less jealous of their location, than of their ability to obtain that. They are highly-educated, they had good salaries, and as a couple could pool resources. They also bought their home fairly cheaply as it was in poor condition - but that meant spending much money to refurbish it.

While I, with a very modest education and life of semi-skilled "shop-floor" employment, now find myself in a home of my own, paid off, in a reasonable suburban area; convenience shops nearby, the town centre a couple of miles away by frequent buses or a three-quarter hour walk. And much of the rest of the country quite readily accessible, by car or entirely by public transport.

Not entirely ideal as I can't park my car on my own front drive - most of us in our street have to gamble on finding roadside parking spaces - but otherwise, who is the better off? My wealthy (by my standards) married friends in roomy cottages in rural villages, or me in my suburban, 2-up-2-down, terraced bachelor pad with tiny front garden and modest back garden?

Only, I too can't be nude in my own back garden!

@ArishMell

Oh, I do not want to live in a crumbling rural village with no amenities. I am thinking more of a more modern well-planned affluent exurban area that is less congested and buildings are newer.

My current area is a mix of old and new and is OK, yet more congested. I could probably buy a small house with a yard. But nothing is cheap! And I still must commute since I do not want to live where I work (low class, dirty, high crime area). I used to take a train into the big city to the suburbs, so now I drive. Traffic is bad.

Yet I can retire in 5 years and then move anywhere I want, and can afford! I am still not sure where, though.

@JoyfulSilence I wouldn't say my friends' village is at all crumbling but like many rural areas, and even some nearer to towns, it has steadily lost services and amenities over the years. House prices in places like theirs are steep as well.

@DunningKruger It's a very helpless feeling especially when even therapists don't really help. I'm debating trying a psychologist vs a therapist now. I'm sorry you've felt this too 😟

@DunningKruger Thank you. That's true, I do find joy in nature. But after a while you get mad at yourself that everyone is off booking fun vacation and dating, and making memories, and my anxiety ABOUT my anxiety holds me back. Knowing others are not always patient with someone like me .

@Baybreeze Yes, it's hard to not compare your lot with that of others. But doing it poisons your soul, which only makes things worse.

@Jenny1234 Yes it is

@Justmeraeagain Ty, those are great points 🌸

@Muthafukajones Congratulations on the house, that's awesome.